I do things with my friends for the company, not for the location. All that matters is the time with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As soon as it was suggested (you said a bunch of restaurants were suggested) you say “oh, would prefer not Casa Larla because I’m allergic to shellfish. Any of the other options sound great!”

So why didn’t you speak up then??

+1.

I have strict dietary preferences but don't expect people to remember them-- even people who have known me for 15 years. People forget, and a lot of people have some food-related thing these days. Just advocate for yourself.

+1 most people are not thinking this deeply

I am vegetarian and if people are suggesting options that don't work for me, I just speak up. Sometimes if it's a friend's birthday dinner or something I'll just go anyway and not eat much. If it a friend group thing, I feel like people are usually pretty flexible, especially if you are able to suggest other options.

I really don't expect people to remember it get upset, that seems ridiculous.

Yeah, I've been a strict vegetarian my entire life, and I still have family members and longtime friends who just don't remember. It's not their problem to remember everything; it's mine to say something. I speak up every so often to suggest another restaurant and have never had anyone push back. If I'm going for dinner at someone's house, I remind them and say I'm happy to bring an entree that's suitable so they don't need to go out of their way to accommodate me. I have made a meal of salads and sides when it comes down to it; I too have gone to lots of seafood restaurants and steakhouses throughout my life where there just isn't much for me, and it's fine. Not everything is for me.

With an allergy, though, I would obviously be waaay more cautious, which is why when the group is chatting about ideas, SAY SOMETHING.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a restaurant knowing one of your friends was not comfortable there for a medical reason? Weird.

Right? I can list with perfect accuracy all of not only my friend's allergies but also their preferences. Anyone claiming they don't know their friend swells up like a balloon any time they eat shrimp or nuts is a shitty friend?

So don't order shrimp? Order the chicken, steak, wedge salad, or pork chop. This is so easy to navigate.

At the seafood restaurant? Unlikely there will be that many options.

What seafood restaurant doesn’t have chicken?

She could be very aware of your shellfish allergy but not know you don’t like fish. That isn’t an allergy, it’s a preference. Most people like SOME kind of fish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you reply that you don't eat at seafood restaurants due to your allergy?

OP here. I didn't reply at all because I don't want to make this about me. But Sarah knows my allergy and has seen me have an allergic reaction to a crab dip (thought it was artichoke dip) at a wedding a few years ago. I had to take a benadryl and go home.

I just would never suggest a place that I knew wouldn't work for someone. It seems deliberate.

Ridiculous main character syndrome here thinking it is deliberate. Several years ago you had to take a Bendryl? Yeah, people won't remember that. You weren't airlifted out by helo to save your life from airborne exposure to save your life or even need an epipen. Drama queen. Order something else.

Proof of shitty people in the world, OP. I agree it's deliberate if she saw you leave an event with a reaction two summers ago. If she can't remember that she either is a drunk/druggie or has a TBI.

This is clearly Main Character OP replying pretending to be someone else.

Even Red Lobster has burgers beef and chicken.

What restaurant is it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a restaurant knowing one of your friends was not comfortable there for a medical reason? Weird.

Right? I can list with perfect accuracy all of not only my friend's allergies but also their preferences. Anyone claiming they don't know their friend swells up like a balloon any time they eat shrimp or nuts is a shitty friend?

So don't order shrimp? Order the chicken, steak, wedge salad, or pork chop. This is so easy to navigate.

At the seafood restaurant? Unlikely there will be that many options.

Anonymous wrote:It's a problem if it's a regular occurrence, and I would reevaluate my participation in the group if it is.

If this just happens to be the restaurant the group chose this time, NBD. Even seafood restaurants usually have a non-seafood option. Order a cheeseburger (or whatever), make sure the waiter knows about your allergy so the kitchen can avoid cross-contamination, and move on.

+1 If it happens a lot, or this friend always suggests it, I'd be bothered. But if there are 7 women, each one might not be remembering everyone's preferences/allergies when they make a suggestion. And maybe other people really like seafood and were thinking more about that than that another person doesn't like fish. Order from the land options and make sure the waiter knows about the allergy.

No, you're right. They're out to get you. They've been planning it for years and finally found their moment to try to undermine/kill you. If you do go, do not leave your food or drink unattended because they may try to poison you. There are no coincidences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a salad. It should be about the company, not the meal.

+1
There are so many food intolerances these days it's hard to remember and plan around. If you can find SOMETHING at the restaurant to eat, go and be quiet about it. Don't be that person. I have a lot of tolerance for people with something like celiac. You don't like fish? Get over yourself.

She's ALLERGIC to fish. Be more thoughtful.

It's not airborne. She's allergic to SHELLFISH and can avoid eating SHELLFISH. boom, done.

Some people are shellfish allergies can’t be around when other people are eating shellfish. It’s unclear to me whether or not the poster is one of those people. If she’s not, she should just go to the seafood restaurant and eat a non-seafood option.

Anonymous wrote:Did you reply that you don't eat at seafood restaurants due to your allergy?

This. If you are so allergic to shellfish that you should not be in the presence of people eating shellfish, you need to make sure you communicate that. A lot of people can be around shellfish even if they are allergic. They can’t just eat it.

I would either not go or just order an entree that will work and not make this a big deal if you otherwise like the group. I can't think of a seafood restaurant that doesn't either have chicken or steak unless you're going to like a crab shack in Baltimore or are down a the beach.

Anonymous wrote:As soon as it was suggested (you said a bunch of restaurants were suggested) you say “oh, would prefer not Casa Larla because I’m allergic to shellfish. Any of the other options sound great!”

So why didn’t you speak up then??

Exactly this. Stewing in silence is a choice too, but normal people would just non-aggressively respond. If they still go to the seafood place, ok maybe this lady hates you. Idk. But SPEAK UP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As soon as it was suggested (you said a bunch of restaurants were suggested) you say “oh, would prefer not Casa Larla because I’m allergic to shellfish. Any of the other options sound great!”

So why didn’t you speak up then??

+1.

I have strict dietary preferences but don't expect people to remember them-- even people who have known me for 15 years. People forget, and a lot of people have some food-related thing these days. Just advocate for yourself.

+1 most people are not thinking this deeply

I am vegetarian and if people are suggesting options that don't work for me, I just speak up. Sometimes if it's a friend's birthday dinner or something I'll just go anyway and not eat much. If it a friend group thing, I feel like people are usually pretty flexible, especially if you are able to suggest other options.

I really don't expect people to remember it get upset, that seems ridiculous.