Anonymous
11/06/2025 15:08
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:So here's the thing: DS is right on it's face that if the cost for a ticket was $300 or 20,000 points, and he took your $300 and bought the ticket using 20,000 points, it's a wash, and mom and sister got what they paid for.
But what makes it sketchy is that he hid it (they "found out later") meaning that he knew it was a bit selfish and didn't mention it. In fact, that was probably his plan all along when he volunteered to buy the tickets. If he had said up front "Oh, actually, this is great, because I have more points than I'll be able to use this year, do you mind if I pay for the tickets with my points and you can just reimburse me with cash? The retail cost of the tickets is $300" then fine.
But I think most people would expect a bit of a discount at that point, turning it into a win/win scenario. The more likely conversation in that case is, "Oh, actually, this is great, because I have more points than I'll be able to use this year, do you mind if I pay for the tickets with my points? The tickets retail for $300 but you could just send me $250 so it's a win/win!" in which case mom and sister would have been thrilled! When you're dealing with loved one's money as the middle man, honesty and transparency are important, and instead he was sneaky.
So I vote that DS is the AH - it's a fine thing to do but this is family - you should be upfront and honest. At this point, he should at least offer to refund some of their money.
Why in the world would he offer a discount and eat the extra cost???
Anonymous
11/06/2025 15:08
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Honestly if my mom or sister gave me grief over this I'd just cancel their tickets, refund their money, and tell them to do it themselves. Life is too short to deal with people like that.
This is your family, not just 'people'
And DS is their family. If you're going to get mad at family for something like this, you get treated in like fashion. That's fair.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 15:07
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:So here's the thing: DS is right on it's face that if the cost for a ticket was $300 or 20,000 points, and he took your $300 and bought the ticket using 20,000 points, it's a wash, and mom and sister got what they paid for.
But what makes it sketchy is that he hid it (they "found out later") meaning that he knew it was a bit selfish and didn't mention it. In fact, that was probably his plan all along when he volunteered to buy the tickets. If he had said up front "Oh, actually, this is great, because I have more points than I'll be able to use this year, do you mind if I pay for the tickets with my points and you can just reimburse me with cash? The retail cost of the tickets is $300" then fine.
But I think most people would expect a bit of a discount at that point, turning it into a win/win scenario. The more likely conversation in that case is, "Oh, actually, this is great, because I have more points than I'll be able to use this year, do you mind if I pay for the tickets with my points? The tickets retail for $300 but you could just send me $250 so it's a win/win!" in which case mom and sister would have been thrilled! When you're dealing with loved one's money as the middle man, honesty and transparency are important, and instead he was sneaky.
So I vote that DS is the AH - it's a fine thing to do but this is family - you should be upfront and honest. At this point, he should at least offer to refund some of their money.
PP here to add a note - if you're the DD or mom, say something ONCE "Hey - you really should have told us your plan up front. That felt sneaky" and then let it go. You got what you expected for the amount you expected.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 15:05
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:How he figured what to charge is easy online, current rates. Points are not free. DD and mom are AH. Next time buy your own tickets. You blame DS to be and AH, when in fact you are, since you wanted free tickets.
They paid for tickets so how do you assume they wanted it free?
Anonymous
11/06/2025 15:05
Subject: Who is the AH here?
So here's the thing: DS is right on it's face that if the cost for a ticket was $300 or 20,000 points, and he took your $300 and bought the ticket using 20,000 points, it's a wash, and mom and sister got what they paid for.
But what makes it sketchy is that he hid it (they "found out later") meaning that he knew it was a bit selfish and didn't mention it. In fact, that was probably his plan all along when he volunteered to buy the tickets. If he had said up front "Oh, actually, this is great, because I have more points than I'll be able to use this year, do you mind if I pay for the tickets with my points and you can just reimburse me with cash? The retail cost of the tickets is $300" then fine.
But I think most people would expect a bit of a discount at that point, turning it into a win/win scenario. The more likely conversation in that case is, "Oh, actually, this is great, because I have more points than I'll be able to use this year, do you mind if I pay for the tickets with my points? The tickets retail for $300 but you could just send me $250 so it's a win/win!" in which case mom and sister would have been thrilled! When you're dealing with loved one's money as the middle man, honesty and transparency are important, and instead he was sneaky.
So I vote that DS is the AH - it's a fine thing to do but this is family - you should be upfront and honest. At this point, he should at least offer to refund some of their money.
But what makes it sketchy is that he hid it (they "found out later") meaning that he knew it was a bit selfish and didn't mention it. In fact, that was probably his plan all along when he volunteered to buy the tickets. If he had said up front "Oh, actually, this is great, because I have more points than I'll be able to use this year, do you mind if I pay for the tickets with my points and you can just reimburse me with cash? The retail cost of the tickets is $300" then fine.
But I think most people would expect a bit of a discount at that point, turning it into a win/win scenario. The more likely conversation in that case is, "Oh, actually, this is great, because I have more points than I'll be able to use this year, do you mind if I pay for the tickets with my points? The tickets retail for $300 but you could just send me $250 so it's a win/win!" in which case mom and sister would have been thrilled! When you're dealing with loved one's money as the middle man, honesty and transparency are important, and instead he was sneaky.
So I vote that DS is the AH - it's a fine thing to do but this is family - you should be upfront and honest. At this point, he should at least offer to refund some of their money.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 15:04
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:Honestly if my mom or sister gave me grief over this I'd just cancel their tickets, refund their money, and tell them to do it themselves. Life is too short to deal with people like that.
This is your family, not just 'people'
Anonymous
11/06/2025 15:03
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Adult DS, adult DD, and mom plan a vacation together. DS is in charge of getting the plane tickets, DD and mom send him money for their tickets.
They find out later on that DS used credit card points to buy the tickets and kept the cash. DS claims he was going to use it for expenses on the trip. DD and mom are upset because it feels like DS made a profit off their vacation.
Who is the AH? Should DS send the money back?
Adult DD and Mom are the AH. DS had points and points are cash equivalents. Should he have used his points and Mom and DD paid nothing? Plus sometimes when you have points you might not have enough to cover it all and it works out better to buy some extra points.
How? I wouldn't want to travel with DS
Anonymous
11/06/2025 14:59
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Life is too short to get mad about this. If you don’t like what he did, don’t let him purchase tickets in the future
I think he should have kept his strategy to himself
I think he should have kept his strategy to himself
Anonymous
11/06/2025 14:50
Subject: Who is the AH here?
The only thing I don't like is that sometimes tickets bought with points mean more stops (rahter than a direct flight) and have more restrictions and are the first seats to be cancelled if the plane is oversold etc.
As long as the tickets come with all the same options as the tickets they would have bought and are just as good of a seat, then thats fine.
As long as the tickets come with all the same options as the tickets they would have bought and are just as good of a seat, then thats fine.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 14:47
Subject: Re:Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:Points are money. Not currency, but still money. Something of value to be exchanged for something else of value.
Mom and sis still got plane tickets didn't they?? I don't see the problem.
Yeah, I don’t see the issue. They weren’t free, he could have used the points elsewhere.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 14:42
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Next time they should buy their own tickets.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 14:35
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Honestly if my mom or sister gave me grief over this I'd just cancel their tickets, refund their money, and tell them to do it themselves. Life is too short to deal with people like that.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 14:34
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Adult DS, adult DD, and mom plan a vacation together. DS is in charge of getting the plane tickets, DD and mom send him money for their tickets.
They find out later on that DS used credit card points to buy the tickets and kept the cash. DS claims he was going to use it for expenses on the trip. DD and mom are upset because it feels like DS made a profit off their vacation.
Who is the AH? Should DS send the money back?
What DS did is extremely tacky. I would never do this, but I also likely wouldn't demand my money back either.
I'd just think he was a tacky/cheap person, I guess.
Yeah, this. Like the kind of person who would go out to eat/ a movie ticket with someone and bring a "buy one, get one free" coupon, and then insist that his was free because he brought the coupon.
The not tacky way to do it would be to disclose in advance and explain to everyone how using points makes it cheaper for them, too (which I suspect it didn't, so extra tacky).
That's a good analogy.
Not even a little bit. He used the points that he paid for and earned over the years. They were not free.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 14:34
Subject: Re:Who is the AH here?
I don't see how it's anyone's business how he got the tickets. The money was sent for tickets and tickets is what you received.
OP are you like really poor and strapped for cash?
OP are you like really poor and strapped for cash?
Anonymous
11/06/2025 14:30
Subject: Who is the AH here?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Adult DS, adult DD, and mom plan a vacation together. DS is in charge of getting the plane tickets, DD and mom send him money for their tickets.
They find out later on that DS used credit card points to buy the tickets and kept the cash. DS claims he was going to use it for expenses on the trip. DD and mom are upset because it feels like DS made a profit off their vacation.
Who is the AH? Should DS send the money back?
What DS did is extremely tacky. I would never do this, but I also likely wouldn't demand my money back either.
I'd just think he was a tacky/cheap person, I guess.
Yeah, this. Like the kind of person who would go out to eat/ a movie ticket with someone and bring a "buy one, get one free" coupon, and then insist that his was free because he brought the coupon.
The not tacky way to do it would be to disclose in advance and explain to everyone how using points makes it cheaper for them, too (which I suspect it didn't, so extra tacky).
That's a good analogy.