Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 12:25     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:You can be offended, but facts are facts.


Maybe.

But there is zero reason the op should continue to allow this man into her life (or here head, rent-free).
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 12:25     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:He doesn't take you seriously you are a mark for him easy sex and a way to make money hell string you along until he finds a woman he respects.

See a lawyer to see how you can untangle yourself from the properties without damage to yourself .

Make sure you are set

End engagement. Kick him out.

Stop dating for 2 years get therapy instead and figure out why you keep getting involved with loser men.

When you date again don't have children with the man, don't buy property or become financially entangled with him don't involve your kids with him.



Yeah …This.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 12:14     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:My kids are from a previous relationship with a man I was not married to. He proposed but I turned him down due to some concerns I had with the relationship.



Very curious about why you turned this guy down over concerns you had with the relationship, but nevertheless decided to have kids with him. Can you talk us through the thinking there?
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 12:05     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
You can be offended, but facts are facts.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 12:04     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Biggest problem with op is that she had and is having sex with men she is not married to.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 12:03     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
It’s a misogynistic comment. So yes, you should be concerned.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 12:01     Subject: Re:Fiance made a troubling comment
My fiance proposed officially in July. (We discussed it in advance so it wasn't a surprise.) We are getting married next month. If you're adults and you want to get married, you get married. What exactly are you waiting for? Nobody is a blushing bride here.

You can get married at a courthouse and later do a destination wedding. Many churches will "marry" you even if you've already done it officially at the courthouse.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 12:01     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry you’re getting the hate here, OP. I’m also a single mom who has kids with a man I didn’t marry, people here have a hard time understanding not everyone follows the traditional route and that life happens.

Anyway, I would just ask him directly what he meant by it and ask if he sees you that way, as “less valuable”. I’d be very upset over this type of comment - it’s valid to not want to date a single mom, but assigning value to a person based on their children is pretty gross. There’s a lot of really great men out there and no sense in wasting your time and energy on someone who sees you as less worthy.


I am a divorced mom with two kids. I have written the last several comments. She has made a massive mistake buying property without being married. Also, she should not marry this guy. Also, engagement for three years itself is a red flag. She will lose money on selling but she should because she should not marry this guy.



PP. maybe those things are true, but she didn’t ask about those, she asked about his comment.

Personally I think it’s a smart idea for women to not get married. I was happy I was able to get out quickly, rather than deal with the hassle of a divorce. And if it turns out he isn’t a great guy (since OP mentioned some other concerns), even better she’s not married and can end things easily.


+1. if you don’t get married he can’t take your 401k.


And you can't get his. There's a clock and engaged doesn't count.

Is the house and condo in both your names?

Yes the house and condo are in both of our names.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 11:59     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:Why did you buy overseas?
Are you both US citizens or is one from that place? Family there?
An intent to marry at the time of engagement. Ok.
This engagement will last a loooong time.


We are both US citizens and have no connection to the country other than falling in love with it and deciding to purchase property there.

It's a country that we travel to several times per year. We love the people, culture, language, natural beauty of the land, food etc.

We don't speak the language fluently but are currently learning it.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 11:55     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:Well, it’s too late for this to be a red flag, obviously.

All people say dumb thing that hurt feelings from time to time. The question is whether he cares that he hurt your feelings and can apologize and see your point of view. And also whether you can raise this with him in a productive way and not a blaming way.


Thank you good point. I will let him know that my feeling were hurt by his comment and see how we are able to navigate through this conversation.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 11:53     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:
Who is this singer? SIA?

Jhené Aiko
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 11:51     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?


Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.


You don't understand real estate. You are paying mostly interest on a mortage for the first 10 years of the loan term. If you sell within 5 years, you will almost always lose money. Dumb.


Not planning to sell within 5 years. Simply stated that in my opinion owning is better than renting to gain equity. In the event that a sale becomes necessary it's still better than having paid out rent for many years with nothing to show for it.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 11:50     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We do not have a wedding date. Our finances during the past 3 years of our engagement have been tied up in the condo being built over seas. We had to pay cash for it as there were no financing options available and things moved slowly in the country that we purchased in.


You don't need to spend money to get married. You can go to the court house.


This is what I want but he wants a destination wedding.


OK. But with you as the bride?
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 11:47     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We do not have a wedding date. Our finances during the past 3 years of our engagement have been tied up in the condo being built over seas. We had to pay cash for it as there were no financing options available and things moved slowly in the country that we purchased in.


You don't need to spend money to get married. You can go to the court house.


This is what I want but he wants a destination wedding.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 11:47     Subject: Fiance made a troubling comment
He doesn't take you seriously you are a mark for him easy sex and a way to make money hell string you along until he finds a woman he respects.

See a lawyer to see how you can untangle yourself from the properties without damage to yourself .

Make sure you are set

End engagement. Kick him out.

Stop dating for 2 years get therapy instead and figure out why you keep getting involved with loser men.

When you date again don't have children with the man, don't buy property or become financially entangled with him don't involve your kids with him.