Troll harder next time!

Anonymous wrote:"Allow" lol. If they fall in love with someone who their parents do not approve of that can quickly quickly change.

I'm sure my ILs thought my husband would marry someone from within their culture. He didn't.

Allow is a sign of cultural differences. Cultures view dating, spouse selection, marriage, gender roles in very different ways. Allow or not allow is part of some cultural norms.

Anonymous wrote:"Allow" lol. If they fall in love with someone who their parents do not approve of that can quickly quickly change.

I'm sure my ILs thought my husband would marry someone from within their culture. He didn't.

same.

Anonymous wrote:One of the biggest struggles I've seen was when a first gen kid married a person nominally of their culture and religion, but the person was a recent immigrant and was much more modern about it. The parents had kind of kept their culture of origin the same, like it was at their time of immigration in the 1970s, and much of their peer group had too. But the place of origin itself had not stayed the same, so the new wife wasn't doing their version of the culture. Very weird dynamic because they thought it would work well but it really didn't.

This exactly.

We came here in 1972. My parents culture is stuck in 1972. It has taken the 30+ years to accept that times have changed.

I married outside my race, but initially my dad told me that he'd disown me if I did when I was 18. At 30, he was desperate for me to marry, so he became accepting of my new BF (now DH). As long as he had a good job and wasn't abusive, drank too much, my dad was accepting.

And now, they think he's great. Married 20+years.

My aunt also married outside our race, and she was disowned by her mother. That relationship was never mended.

Obviously, my kids are biracial, and I don't really care whom they marry but I don't want them to marry into a too conservative or too liberal family. I'd want them to marry someone with similar values. Hopefully, we have instilled those values in our kids, and they will seek a partner with those similar values.

"Allow" lol. If they fall in love with someone who their parents do not approve of that can quickly quickly change.

I'm sure my ILs thought my husband would marry someone from within their culture. He didn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Indian?

I am the op.

And yes - Indian teen, though religiously Muslim, not Hindu.

How did you know that?

It was either Indian or Asian. Asians aren’t as religious usually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Indian?

I am the op.

And yes - Indian teen, though religiously Muslim, not Hindu.

How did you know that?

Marrying for love is a romantic rom com notion. Love waxes and wanes and you need more than love to make a marriage work. There are many, many marriages that struggle with cultural and religious differences. Those things are often deep rooted and speak to differing values and beliefs, not only in the marriage but also in extended families. For example there are many threads on here where cultural differences about how involved one should be in supporting aging parents causes major issues. Some cultures are individualistic, some are collectivist, and when you marry across a different type of belief system, love often isn’t enough. Finances, in law relationships, parenting practices etc are all shaped by culture.

I think the more core beliefs you share, the better the foundation of the marriage. When you marry across culture or religion, someone has to make major compromises and that often leads to resentment. The older I get, the more I think that sharing core cultural and religious beliefs is central to a strong marriage.

I have no problem with it. I would just advise that they make sure (if planning marriage and especially if planning kids) that they think about the tough questions when blending cultures. But I'm all for it and actually expect it considering the very diverse area they are being raised in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Indian?

My first thought.

Almost every Indian I know married someone white.

Not me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Indian?

My first thought.

Almost every Indian I know married someone white.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a fourth or fifth gen American so of course this sounds crazy to my ear. But if my family was more recently arrived I could understand the desire to keep a culture/language/religion connection to my heritage.

As it is, I would have a conversation with my kid about the potential issues down the line but I don't think forbid/allow is the correct framework.

Right, everyone know that ""fourth or fifth gen Americans" don't have any racist or bigoted attitudes that they force on their children or the country at large.

What a random non sequitur.

I am white and every woman in my generation except for myself married into an Asian family (all different countries). Our family did not object at all. Their families seem fine with it as long as the wives learn the language, cook the food, do not push Christianity on the kids, celebrate the holidays, practice the traditions...

I'm an immigrant parent. I have no idea what my kids are going to do here. My kids have met people from all over the world. I bet they have formed their or opinions and preferences based on the interactions.
When it comes to our own culture, the only thing I can think of is alcohol and raising kids to be independent and self-sufficient.
18-year old is already out of my house attending to college and working. I'm staying out of his life as much as possible.
It's a big cultural no-no to be in your children's business. It's almost as if they can't think for themselves/support themselves.

Anonymous wrote:
We are already a multi-cultural and multi-ethnic household.

So of course I would be entirely fine with my children marrying people outside of our three cultures!

The more the merrier!

Me again. To elaborate: my mother's family is white Catholic, from a European country. My father's family is Asian Buddhist and Shinto, from an Asian country. My husband is from another Asian country, with a different denomination of Buddhism. My husband and my generation in both families are not particularly religious, even though we observe the cultural traditions associated with these religions or spiritual practices. Everyone gets along.

What matters is open minds.