Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

You are th villain because none of this is any of your business. Just because someone asks you about you, it doesn’t mean that you have a license to dive right in. Stop being a drama seeking gossip hound! Gain some dignity, and focus on your own life.

Ok I should tell the verbally invited families to shove it and leave us alone and not to try to coordinate dates to travel together.

Yes you should simply say you haven’t figured out when you are going and change the subject. You don’t need to coordinate any travel plans with anyone.Just stop be pesky and in everyone’s business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

You are th villain because none of this is any of your business. Just because someone asks you about you, it doesn’t mean that you have a license to dive right in. Stop being a drama seeking gossip hound! Gain some dignity, and focus on your own life.

Ok I should tell the verbally invited families to shove it and leave us alone and not to try to coordinate dates to travel together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what I don't get (two different posts from OP on the first page)

Our family member is getting married next year and not wanting to invite the entire family. Some people have received a save the date but most friends and family have not.

I can understand being estranged, wanting to avoid a difficult family situation, having a small destination wedding, etc, and therefore not inviting everyone. I can also completely understand how it would be awkward if you actually received a STD and then family members who didn't are asking you details, and you don't know whether they are even invited!

We received a save the date.

There are many other people who did not receive one but they are probably getting an invitation.

This is a June wedding in Europe.

So these friends and family are asking US details. Ultimately, they may or may not be invited. Everyone knows this couple is engaged.

This is the part that doesn't make sense. Why do you think they may get invited even if they didn't receive the STD? Seems to me, if you don't receive one, it's either because you're so close that the couple told you verbally and it is beyond question you are invited (which apparently is not the case here), or else you're not invited. I'm just not sure if this is a strange assumption OP is making that they may be invited, or if the couple is playing games with late invites and STDs, which is kind of obnoxious.

I do think couple is playing games with late invites for some family members, especially the aunt and uncle and cousins.

I’m not sure about the family friends.

All you have is assumptions. If no save the date, then assume not invited. Unless you are the parents or siblings where in normal families a formal save the date isn't really needed. The aunts, uncles and cousins need to just chill out or ask the bride and groom themselves.

It seems like in this family, it's not assumed the parents are invited, lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what I don't get (two different posts from OP on the first page)

Our family member is getting married next year and not wanting to invite the entire family. Some people have received a save the date but most friends and family have not.

I can understand being estranged, wanting to avoid a difficult family situation, having a small destination wedding, etc, and therefore not inviting everyone. I can also completely understand how it would be awkward if you actually received a STD and then family members who didn't are asking you details, and you don't know whether they are even invited!

We received a save the date.

There are many other people who did not receive one but they are probably getting an invitation.

This is a June wedding in Europe.

So these friends and family are asking US details. Ultimately, they may or may not be invited. Everyone knows this couple is engaged.

This is the part that doesn't make sense. Why do you think they may get invited even if they didn't receive the STD? Seems to me, if you don't receive one, it's either because you're so close that the couple told you verbally and it is beyond question you are invited (which apparently is not the case here), or else you're not invited. I'm just not sure if this is a strange assumption OP is making that they may be invited, or if the couple is playing games with late invites and STDs, which is kind of obnoxious.

I do think couple is playing games with late invites for some family members, especially the aunt and uncle and cousins.

I’m not sure about the family friends.

All you have is assumptions. If no save the date, then assume not invited. Unless you are the parents or siblings where in normal families a formal save the date isn't really needed. The aunts, uncles and cousins need to just chill out or ask the bride and groom themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what I don't get (two different posts from OP on the first page)

Our family member is getting married next year and not wanting to invite the entire family. Some people have received a save the date but most friends and family have not.

I can understand being estranged, wanting to avoid a difficult family situation, having a small destination wedding, etc, and therefore not inviting everyone. I can also completely understand how it would be awkward if you actually received a STD and then family members who didn't are asking you details, and you don't know whether they are even invited!

We received a save the date.

There are many other people who did not receive one but they are probably getting an invitation.

This is a June wedding in Europe.

So these friends and family are asking US details. Ultimately, they may or may not be invited. Everyone knows this couple is engaged.

This is the part that doesn't make sense. Why do you think they may get invited even if they didn't receive the STD? Seems to me, if you don't receive one, it's either because you're so close that the couple told you verbally and it is beyond question you are invited (which apparently is not the case here), or else you're not invited. I'm just not sure if this is a strange assumption OP is making that they may be invited, or if the couple is playing games with late invites and STDs, which is kind of obnoxious.

I do think couple is playing games with late invites for some family members, especially the aunt and uncle and cousins.

I’m not sure about the family friends.

Anonymous wrote:This is what I don't get (two different posts from OP on the first page)

Our family member is getting married next year and not wanting to invite the entire family. Some people have received a save the date but most friends and family have not.

I can understand being estranged, wanting to avoid a difficult family situation, having a small destination wedding, etc, and therefore not inviting everyone. I can also completely understand how it would be awkward if you actually received a STD and then family members who didn't are asking you details, and you don't know whether they are even invited!

We received a save the date.

There are many other people who did not receive one but they are probably getting an invitation.

This is a June wedding in Europe.

So these friends and family are asking US details. Ultimately, they may or may not be invited. Everyone knows this couple is engaged.

This is the part that doesn't make sense. Why do you think they may get invited even if they didn't receive the STD? Seems to me, if you don't receive one, it's either because you're so close that the couple told you verbally and it is beyond question you are invited (which apparently is not the case here), or else you're not invited. I'm just not sure if this is a strange assumption OP is making that they may be invited, or if the couple is playing games with late invites and STDs, which is kind of obnoxious.

Our family member is getting married next year and not wanting to invite the entire family. Some people have received a save the date but most friends and family have not.

We received a save the date.

There are many other people who did not receive one but they are probably getting an invitation.

This is a June wedding in Europe.

So these friends and family are asking US details. Ultimately, they may or may not be invited. Everyone knows this couple is engaged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

You are th villain because none of this is any of your business. Just because someone asks you about you, it doesn’t mean that you have a license to dive right in. Stop being a drama seeking gossip hound! Gain some dignity, and focus on your own life.

Ok I should tell the verbally invited families to shove it and leave us alone and not to try to coordinate dates to travel together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

You are th villain because none of this is any of your business. Just because someone asks you about you, it doesn’t mean that you have a license to dive right in. Stop being a drama seeking gossip hound! Gain some dignity, and focus on your own life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the couple is doing verbal invites and emailing to others. I could understand savings money by not mailing them to close family, but why not send everyone the email? It would make me assume I am not invited.

DH and I hang out with several families regularly and they are planning their summer vacations around this wedding and that is why they are asking us details of this wedding. If they are flying to this country, they want to make vacations out of it.

There are probably some family members and obligatory guests they don’t really want but by not sharing details makes it awkward for family.

I'm beginning to see why this couple is choosing a destination wedding and keeping the invited list small. You said "he" in another message so you are on the groom's side. It isn't normal to invite your parents' best friends to your destination wedding. And if there is bad blood with the groom's dad then I can see why this couple is doing it far far away to avoid all this mess. You seem offended that this couple wants a very small, intimate wedding. Who is paying for this wedding?

I’m not necessarily offended. Many people are mad at the couple. Some are annoyed. Some are confused.

The family is a mess with divorce, second marriages, stepchildren, lots of bad blood within extended family. Maybe they won’t get invited. It would be pretty bad if the dad and mom are not invited to their own child’s wedding.

Well, what did the dad do to not get invited? Why not back the story up a bit so we can decide if it's bad or not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.