OP, if this is real, you have tolerated this because you grew up with abuse normalized. Go NC or divorce since your DH is enabling this abuse and move on, ideally with help from a therapist.

Drop. The. Rope. Stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"She drug me through the mud" is one of the singularly most ineloquent things I have ever read on DCUm.

The correct version would be "She DRAGGED me through the mud"

You sound insufferable, no wonder she hates you.

Here come the crazy mother in laws!

It's "mothers-in-law."

Thanks. That’s so helpful. I think I need to stop accommodating them and if my husband doesn’t it just is what it is.

Yes. 35 years. I was the wrong religion and had been married before. TSK TSK. Looking back after all those years I realized that my MIL was very close to her son, my DH,and pretty lonely in her marriage and life and viewed me as unsuitable. But, the whole family was also racist, zenophobic, Republican type mentality, so this was to be expected when I walked in. What did I do? Not a lot. DH loved his parents, they loved him, I didn't see a point in drawing lines in the sand. They weren't overtly bombastic, just saw me as something they had to deal with, talked about me behind my back, criticized me all the time, quietly never included me in anything, asked to speak to DH when they called, very little conversation ever directed at me. They were cordial and friendly with our kids, but not more than that. I do think his mother was probably on the spectrum.

I went over backwards to accommodate them for family events, holidays,gifts. They are gone, and I am a little sorry I didn't ask more of DH, or actually I am resentful that he didn't do more on his own. In the end, what would have changed? Not much, really.

Anonymous wrote:I would never marry into a family that treated me like that or marry a man who let anyone treat me like that.

That's how I felt and didn't marry the man who let his mom treat me like that but I do see here that there are families where men still treat their wives great regardless. I am curious how people navigate a life where the spouse just lets that happen to their significant other without assuring the other spouse that either they don't agree with their parent or that they agree the spouse being harmed should just stay away.
I was worried that if he didn't speak up for me before we married, that he wouldn't when we were married and I'd be expected to tolerate verbal abuse, and then eventually he would feel like it was OK to treat me poorly. So I broke up with him. I was born into the wrong religion despite all of us being athiests. Otherwise we were very similar and went to the same college and had mutual friends. From the first day she waged a battle to break us apart. He never married or had kids either. She died without grandchildren. Sad for all around.

This is a divorce waiting to happen. I'm sure you were treated like some kind of an outsider and still are and probably always will be to the family. That's how and why divorces happen.

My wife has broken off contact with her mother over this type of nonsense.

My MIL refused to attend our wedding since it was not in a Catholic church. In fact, she refuses to even acknowledge we are married, and derided our wedding as "performance art".

She refuses to acknowledge the existence of any of her grandchildren, since she thinks of herself as a "hot young mom" even though she is nearing 70 (she had her last child when she was 47...yikes).

There's no reason to suffer through that type of abusive behavior.

Sounds like she is low intelligence or had a very dysfunctional / low education and quality life or has a mental / cognitive type issue.