Anonymous wrote:I find it odd that OP got the diss from both aunts. She's not as loving or as family minded as she wants us to believe. Her aunts don't think much of her apparently.

Can't tell. I assume the aunts and uncles I have with no kids are donating their money or splitting it equally. The ones with large families have already openly talked about who all is locally taking care of them now that they're immobile and need advocacy. In fact, they moved the guy to their city across the state to do just that.

Maybe that is also in the agreement? The SIL will relocate the last survivor aunt or uncle to her area and do all that? Or just manage long-term health plan and care from afar?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their money, OP, not yours.

Unless you think these aunts are childless incompetent creatures?

They are childless, yes.

Most old people become incompetent if they remain and good physical health for a long time.

"Creature" is out of line. Shame on you.

That’s how OP is portraying these aunts. Poor little helpless creatures at the mercy of this grasping SIL.

We don't know how old they are, how competent.

Just because a woman is older and childless does not mean she is a helpless victim. These women are doing what they want to do with their own money. It’s their money. Not OP’s.

Why do people think they are entitled to other people’s money?

+1

Kudos to the aunts, who sagely chose someone they trust more to abide their wishes after they’re gone.

This doesn't sound like trust, this sounds like buddy buddy, wink wink.

In fact any time an elder changes from the base common law of inheritance - equal split to children, to grandchildren, to siblings, to nieces & nephews - something happened. OP does not know what here though. They seem in good standing and friendly with each aunt. So it is not clear what changed, and why this later in life change supercedes all else. Or why it's the married partner to the niece or nephew and not the actual niece or nephew doing the lobbying or executing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

The case of the divorcing and sickly aunt changing her will to one heir not all is definitely investigatable. As is anyone in the hospital changing things from the usual equal splits to 100% XYZ.

According to the divorced uncle. He is the source of that information. Why would OP even be talking to him about any of this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

I can see why this is a shock then. No one lives in their state, everyone is same busy working or with their K-12 children, everyone is physically seeing each other once or twice a year.... then this reveal. I don't think you'll ever know what the SIL said to each aunt recently - it could be a combo of how much she cares, how she has time to do this all (true or not), how others are not. And the bloodline brother was too busy to think otherwise so just hopes it skates by forever.

I think, given the above, SIL did some deliberate brinksmanship to get in position of power.

Do the aunts get along with their sibling who is your parent? Maybe one way to win over a childless, married aunt is to find a common enemy or common cause.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

The case of the divorcing and sickly aunt changing her will to one heir not all is definitely investigatable. As is anyone in the hospital changing things from the usual equal splits to 100% XYZ.

I find it odd that OP got the diss from both aunts. She's not as loving or as family minded as she wants us to believe. Her aunts don't think much of her apparently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their money, OP, not yours.

Unless you think these aunts are childless incompetent creatures?

They are childless, yes.

Most old people become incompetent if they remain and good physical health for a long time.

"Creature" is out of line. Shame on you.

That’s how OP is portraying these aunts. Poor little helpless creatures at the mercy of this grasping SIL.

We don't know how old they are, how competent.

Just because a woman is older and childless does not mean she is a helpless victim. These women are doing what they want to do with their own money. It’s their money. Not OP’s.

Why do people think they are entitled to other people’s money?

+1

Kudos to the aunts, who sagely chose someone they trust more to abide their wishes after they’re gone.

Anonymous wrote:Tale as old as time.
New butt kissers swoop in at the end and the seniles can’t remember anything. Sounds like the one set ain’t having it. And the one who got divorced and sickly, then re-papered her will got raked over!

I just posted, but this is so true. It's happening with my mother who was always manipulative and self-involved. Practically estranged sibling is now her BFF with mom and convinced her to push me out and take me off POA. Random cousins are crawling out of the woodwork and becoming sycophantic. Mom is working it too, reminding people she has lots of money and they need to kiss the ring, and they are lining up and smooching it. She is not considered cognitively impaired and likely will refuse future evaluations at formerly estranged sibling's suggestion so nothing I can do, but my father who actually earned that money and was a big saver is rolling in his grave. Funny thing is last emergency; they still expected me to upend my life and didn't think all their financial gifts came with strings.

You can drown in resentment or accept reality and live your best life. I chose the latter. Life is too short and in so many of these tales the person was Machiavellian gets the jackpot only to have something awful happen. I read some story of famous insanely rich family. One sibling scored the entire inheritance through deception and then gets diagnosed with late-stage cancer. In my friend's family, the evil sibling got most of the inheritance taking advantage of an elder with dementia and then was struck with some incurable disease within a few years that ate up a lot of money with treatments. Once I was pushed out, I decided it was their job to deal with emergencies, etc and I devote myself to my job, spouse, kids and friends. Surprise, surprise they didn't want to deal. They just wanted lots of $$$, but didn't feel obliged to do anything helpful. I invest my money well and save. As I get older, I am going to try to figure out how to protect my assets for my kids equally and plan for my own care assuming I outlive my husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their money, OP, not yours.

Unless you think these aunts are childless incompetent creatures?

They are childless, yes.

Most old people become incompetent if they remain and good physical health for a long time.

"Creature" is out of line. Shame on you.

That’s how OP is portraying these aunts. Poor little helpless creatures at the mercy of this grasping SIL.

We don't know how old they are, how competent.

Just because a woman is older and childless does not mean she is a helpless victim. These women are doing what they want to do with their own money. It’s their money. Not OP’s.

Why do people think they are entitled to other people’s money?

Do your parents know this and, if so, what have they said about it?