Anonymous
Post 09/27/2025 19:13     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:My friend had her first baby about a month ago and she’s very anxious about everything. Baby is cluster feeding 24/7, but is immensely fussy between feeds. Baby seems hungry constantly. I asked my friend if she’s sure baby is getting enough at each feed (she falls sleep during each feed) and she said she is because she’s cluster feeding and “eating constantly”.

The thing is, whenever I bottle feed the baby a measurable amount (I’m occasionally helping watch her while mom naps), she seems content and isn’t fussy for an extended period of time, like two hours. Whereas, when she cluster feeds on the breast, she’s waking from sleep and is fussy and rooting again after just a half hour.

I’m wary, but I feel like I need to say something. The thing is, she is already feeling a little inadequate. I don’t think it’s PPD or anything like that, just anxious and nervous. Should I say something, and if so, what?


Keep your lip zipped. This baby is being seen by a pediatrician and weight is one of the major things they are watching at this stage.

It is normal for a breastfed infant to eat less at a go and be hungry or fussy more often. This is evolution’s way of forcing them to spend relatively little time in deep sleep, when their brains are otherwise at heightened risk of causing them to stop breathing.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2025 02:46     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
This sounds like our situation and baby had tongue tie! See an LC!
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2025 02:36     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Are you really a friend or the mother in law?
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2025 01:09     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
No, leave her alone.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2025 00:56     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?


My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.


2/3 of mine definitely would not touch a bottle until 6 months. There's a whole thing about bottle introduction because it's a known issue. If the mother has enough breastmilk to pump then what is the issue?


Pumping =/= nursing. A baby sometimes can't transfer milk from the breast. This is why some women have to exclusively pump.

Could this be what’s happening? She’s pumping quite often because she’s building up a supply before she heads back to work in two weeks. It just seems, honestly, like baby is BFing for comfort and maybe a little milk, but then waking herself up hungry again. She’s completely content after a bottle and sleeps for like two hours.


honestly this doesn't sound like oversupply to me-- sounds like she's pumping to build up for future when she goes to work and then baby goes to eat and boob is empty and then baby is cluster feeding to try to get it back up again. i generally only give a bottle while simaltaneously pumping at same time to make sure the supply/demand match-- if i pump more than 4 oz then i freeze the rest but i would never pump before nursing. if baby is fussy or falling asleep at boob i'd encourage a lactation consultant- both my kids did that and the LC was key to teaching me strategies to wake them so they could get full feeds and improve the latch


+1. The friend sounds like me. I had low supply and still feel bad that I let my first DD go hungry. With my second DD, she had plenty of formula from the start.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2025 00:08     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:My friend had her first baby about a month ago and she’s very anxious about everything. Baby is cluster feeding 24/7, but is immensely fussy between feeds. Baby seems hungry constantly. I asked my friend if she’s sure baby is getting enough at each feed (she falls sleep during each feed) and she said she is because she’s cluster feeding and “eating constantly”.

The thing is, whenever I bottle feed the baby a measurable amount (I’m occasionally helping watch her while mom naps), she seems content and isn’t fussy for an extended period of time, like two hours. Whereas, when she cluster feeds on the breast, she’s waking from sleep and is fussy and rooting again after just a half hour.

I’m wary, but I feel like I need to say something. The thing is, she is already feeling a little inadequate. I don’t think it’s PPD or anything like that, just anxious and nervous. Should I say something, and if so, what?


(I have not read any post other than the first post in this thread.)

Isn't the focus of your concern for the health & welfare of the newborn baby ? Just be polite & helpful, not critical,when dealing with the new mother.

Also, share that caution is needed when bathing babies as only lukewarm water should be used. An adult testing the water's temperature by hand may lead to bathing a newborn in water that is too hot.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2025 23:17     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:An EBF baby readily takes a bottle? That seems unusual. Sure you're not making this whole thing up?


My son was ebf but would take a bottle readily in the first couple months (like when I had to go somewhere and would pump). He only got bottle refusal around 5 months old when I went back to work (and he got over it).

Could you suggest she take the baby for a weight check? A decent LC will do a weighted feed too.

I mostly EBF (struggled a bit in the first couple weeks) but I firmly believe fed is best.


2/3 of mine definitely would not touch a bottle until 6 months. There's a whole thing about bottle introduction because it's a known issue. If the mother has enough breastmilk to pump then what is the issue?


Pumping =/= nursing. A baby sometimes can't transfer milk from the breast. This is why some women have to exclusively pump.

Could this be what’s happening? She’s pumping quite often because she’s building up a supply before she heads back to work in two weeks. It just seems, honestly, like baby is BFing for comfort and maybe a little milk, but then waking herself up hungry again. She’s completely content after a bottle and sleeps for like two hours.


honestly this doesn't sound like oversupply to me-- sounds like she's pumping to build up for future when she goes to work and then baby goes to eat and boob is empty and then baby is cluster feeding to try to get it back up again. i generally only give a bottle while simaltaneously pumping at same time to make sure the supply/demand match-- if i pump more than 4 oz then i freeze the rest but i would never pump before nursing. if baby is fussy or falling asleep at boob i'd encourage a lactation consultant- both my kids did that and the LC was key to teaching me strategies to wake them so they could get full feeds and improve the latch
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2025 22:48     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
If the baby has enough wet diapers and is gaining weight, the baby is likely getting enough. It’s normal for breastfed babies to cluster feed for a few hours before bed. I wouldn’t say a word unless you have some evidence baby is failing to thrive. Does baby look underweight? Do you have children of your own? Don’t add to mom’s stress and anxiety unless you see real red flags.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2025 20:54     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
In case this is useful, I was panicking that my infant wasn’t getting enough from breastfeeding. my doctor said the anxiety is making it worse, suggested a beer and more sleep with dh giving him a bottle. Worked like a charm.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2025 20:46     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:are you bottle feeding formula or breast milk

It’s breast milk


yeah but not from a breast. Big difference. I think you're not being real.


I breastfed but had serious supply issues and pumped and bottle fed as well. My baby would happily take a bottle because he was hungry from not getting enough while nursing.

Also: the idea that babies who EBF will categorically refuse a bottle is just incorrect.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2025 20:10     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
I was similar to your friend, and eventually my sister convinced me to add a bottle of formula. This really changed things for DD in terms of sleep. And, while she was technically always gaining and wetting enough, she also started gaining more.

If you can find a way to convince your friend to try something different, you should. But it can be hard. I'm pretty sure now (DD is 11) I had undiagnosed PPA. After things had settled out a bit, it honestly took me a long time to get over the guilt of not adding formula sooner.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2025 20:05     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
How old is the baby? I haven't read everything. I had no issues with breastfeeding and weight gain but my child would always fall asleep when breastfeeding and then waking up and needing more soon. When they're little, they're just falling asleep so easily when feeding is hard work and it's so cozy. One trick that helped was getting them a little uncomfortable, like feeding them in only a diaper or having a wet towel to wake them up real quick when you notice they're getting drowsy. It doesn't have to be a worst case scenario.

It sounds like you're a trusted friend and not a gossipy busybody. I love advice from trusted, nice friends when I'm struggling.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2025 10:49     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:First of all, find moments to compliment her mothering. I still have a very clear memory of being about to walk out the door with my first baby, saying "oh, wait he needs a hat!" and running back in to get one, and my mom saying "oh, you are such a good mom." So basic, so simple, and can really help her with her confidence.

Next - is she complaining (to you) or fretting about the fussiness? Then I think it's fine to say "you know who might have some good advice? A lactation consultant. They can come right to your house. I found mine really helpful." The first thing an LC is going to do is a weighted feed, so if you're right, they'll catch it.

If she's not complaining to you or asking you, and she's getting regular well-baby visits, the most I would do is report the facts. "I fed her 3oz from the bottle and she ate it all and then slept for two hours!" or whatever. Let the parents figure it out. I had a very fussy (borderline colic) first baby and lots of people gave me unsolicited advice about it and it was not helpful.


This is thoughtful and kind advice.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2025 10:41     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
My baby had a perhaps similar issue - he had an undiagnosed tongue tie which made it so he had to work really hard to extract enough milk while breastfeeding. He fed like every 2 hours for a LONG time and would wear himself out and fall asleep on me and then when he woke he’d eat again over and over. It was really taxing as a first time mom. He wouldn’t take a bottle and then when he did it was only from me. Once we started nightly bottles he drank SO much, it became apparent his daytime intake from breastfeeding was lacking. He’d drink like 12 or more ounces from the bottle before bed and then sleep great. We did visit a LC and they did a weighted feed and said it was fine (the feed took almost an hour though!) and I just didn’t know better at the time. For my second baby we immediately got her tongue tie lasered and never had this problem.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2025 12:50     Subject: I’m worried my friend’s newborn isn’t getting enough food—say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I don't think you can tell just from the your description that this baby is lacking calories, suffering from gas, or anything at all. Medicine is more complex than just jumping to conclusions, OP, otherwise there wouldn't be so many years of medical school, and interns wouldn't work 100 hrs a week.

The mother needs to consult her pediatrician to ensure her child is within the range of normal for weight gain and that there aren't any other issues.

This warrants a pediatric consultant with an actual DOCTOR. Not a lactation consultant, or extra formula bottles right away.


This is like saying that you can’t notice that a child *might* have pink eye, or *might* have a cavity, or *might* need glasses, so let based on reasonable educated observations, simply because they didn’t go to med school.

OP made a reasonable observation.


Pp you replied to. I'm a research scientist and my husband is a doctor. Of course patients or parents of patients need to keep track of their symptoms and report them to their doctors. But it serves no good purpose to speculate online on a topic about which everyone and their dog has intense feelings.

So OP, please tell your friend that you are concerned the baby isn't thriving (possible pain, fussiness, seems hungry, falls asleep better with bottle), and that she needs to bring up all these symptoms to her pediatrician. I would not go with a lactation consultant first thing, because other medical conditions must first be ruled out. This is very important. If the pediatrician does not seem helpful, then sure, consult a lactation consultant.

You just tell her. Don't beat about the bush. If you're such a good friend that you're helping her feed her baby, then surely she will listen to a neutral and factual recommendation.