Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of what your child says, you tell him that he needs to find a way to occupy his time that is not seen as disruptive. He can review his past notes or the past chapters, which will help him prepare for tests. He can bring a book to read and rea quietly after he has completed his work. He can ask his teacher for additional material to work on when he is done.

He cannot talk to his friends, even if he thinks he is "helping" them. He cannot leave his desk and wander around the classroom. He cannot do things that are distracting to other kids.

Have a meeting with the teacher, your son, and yourself and develop a clear list of what he can do when he finishes work and what he cannot do when he finishes work.

Your child might think he is helping his friends when his teacher sees that it is distracting for his friends or other kids in the class. He is seeing thigns through his lens and does not see the larger picture.

"He cannot leave his desk and wander around the classroom." - That's actually a basic ADHD accommodation. My son had that in his 504 - he was allowed to get up from his desk and walk around the classroom.

DP and you are absolutely correct. That is an accommodation. My own child has that written into her plan.

But I’m also a teacher and I see the disruption. I’ve had as many as 4 kids with that accommodation in a class of 30. I’ve had classes in which over half the students require various accommodations. As a parent of a child with special needs, I get it. I really do. But as a teacher who has to teach 30 students simultaneously, I’ve realized that the various accommodations literally work against each other. What helps one kid distracts another; what keeps one kid engaged makes another act disruptively. Education is about juggling more than it is teaching now.

I’ve never seen it in HS as wander around the room. The accommodation is written as movement breaks or something similar. Many kids have this. They don’t wander around the class at the secondary level. They go to the bathroom, which they might not actually be doing but it’s a chance to leave the room and walk down the hall. Plenty just openly say they are taking their break and go walk in the hall. They can do this unsupervised at that age. Sometimes it becomes an issue with them coming back and then other behavior plans are put in place.

This accommodation doesn’t not give a student in HS permission to openly walk around a class and disrupt others.

I am clearly older than most of you, but in my 2nd grade class with a tough-as-nails nun, she would have physically moved a desk to a corner of the room where young Larlo would sit for the next month. In his little world, he would have no access to his friends. Obviously, this would never happen today because Larlo's feelings would have been hurt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our little ADHD chatterbox is killing it professionally in her chosen field and makes more money than either of her siblings. I guess it’s really true what they say about B students being more successful than A students. Wish I could have back all the hours I spent worrying about her. In our case all the energy needed to be channeled. She ended up having really physically demanding hobbies like rock climbing, triathlons etc. which actually helped. Just chiming in because Inwisb someone had told me there was an upside to getting calls from the teacher when she was young. It will all work out, 🏋️‍♂️

This every kid doesn’t fit in the same little quiet box and it’s ridiculous that teachers expect that these days and that others are saying you’re not parenting your child just because they aren’t a silent screen addict with no personality

Nobody is saying that he should fit in a “little quiet box”, they’re saying he needs to understand and respect that there are times when it is inappropriate and that is is rude to distract people during those times. If he wants to socialize during lunch, after school, on the weekends, or even in class if the teacher has finished the lesson early and given the class permission to chat quietly, no one would be complaining. The problem is that the primary purpose of being in class is to learn, and he is interfering with that.

If you were at the movies, a concert, etc., and the people in front of you were talking over the show, would you appreciate their personalities snd complement them for not being silent screen addicts, or would you resent them for being a distraction from the reason you were there and want them to save their socializing for a tine and a place that wouldn’t be as disruptive. What if the lead actor had to interrupt his soliloquy to ask them to be quiet, and they still kept talking? What if your child was taking a PSAT test with scholarship money on the line that they only get one shot at? What if it was some sort of professional licensing exam for you? Are disruptions only a problem when they affect you?

Excellent examples.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of what your child says, you tell him that he needs to find a way to occupy his time that is not seen as disruptive. He can review his past notes or the past chapters, which will help him prepare for tests. He can bring a book to read and rea quietly after he has completed his work. He can ask his teacher for additional material to work on when he is done.

He cannot talk to his friends, even if he thinks he is "helping" them. He cannot leave his desk and wander around the classroom. He cannot do things that are distracting to other kids.

Have a meeting with the teacher, your son, and yourself and develop a clear list of what he can do when he finishes work and what he cannot do when he finishes work.

Your child might think he is helping his friends when his teacher sees that it is distracting for his friends or other kids in the class. He is seeing thigns through his lens and does not see the larger picture.

"He cannot leave his desk and wander around the classroom." - That's actually a basic ADHD accommodation. My son had that in his 504 - he was allowed to get up from his desk and walk around the classroom.

DP and you are absolutely correct. That is an accommodation. My own child has that written into her plan.

But I’m also a teacher and I see the disruption. I’ve had as many as 4 kids with that accommodation in a class of 30. I’ve had classes in which over half the students require various accommodations. As a parent of a child with special needs, I get it. I really do. But as a teacher who has to teach 30 students simultaneously, I’ve realized that the various accommodations literally work against each other. What helps one kid distracts another; what keeps one kid engaged makes another act disruptively. Education is about juggling more than it is teaching now.

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of what your child says, you tell him that he needs to find a way to occupy his time that is not seen as disruptive. He can review his past notes or the past chapters, which will help him prepare for tests. He can bring a book to read and rea quietly after he has completed his work. He can ask his teacher for additional material to work on when he is done.

He cannot talk to his friends, even if he thinks he is "helping" them. He cannot leave his desk and wander around the classroom. He cannot do things that are distracting to other kids.

Have a meeting with the teacher, your son, and yourself and develop a clear list of what he can do when he finishes work and what he cannot do when he finishes work.

Your child might think he is helping his friends when his teacher sees that it is distracting for his friends or other kids in the class. He is seeing thigns through his lens and does not see the larger picture.

"He cannot leave his desk and wander around the classroom." - That's actually a basic ADHD accommodation. My son had that in his 504 - he was allowed to get up from his desk and walk around the classroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our little ADHD chatterbox is killing it professionally in her chosen field and makes more money than either of her siblings. I guess it’s really true what they say about B students being more successful than A students. Wish I could have back all the hours I spent worrying about her. In our case all the energy needed to be channeled. She ended up having really physically demanding hobbies like rock climbing, triathlons etc. which actually helped. Just chiming in because Inwisb someone had told me there was an upside to getting calls from the teacher when she was young. It will all work out, 🏋️‍♂️

This every kid doesn’t fit in the same little quiet box and it’s ridiculous that teachers expect that these days and that others are saying you’re not parenting your child just because they aren’t a silent screen addict with no personality

Nobody is saying that he should fit in a “little quiet box”, they’re saying he needs to understand and respect that there are times when it is inappropriate and that is is rude to distract people during those times. If he wants to socialize during lunch, after school, on the weekends, or even in class if the teacher has finished the lesson early and given the class permission to chat quietly, no one would be complaining. The problem is that the primary purpose of being in class is to learn, and he is interfering with that.

If you were at the movies, a concert, etc., and the people in front of you were talking over the show, would you appreciate their personalities snd complement them for not being silent screen addicts, or would you resent them for being a distraction from the reason you were there and want them to save their socializing for a tine and a place that wouldn’t be as disruptive. What if the lead actor had to interrupt his soliloquy to ask them to be quiet, and they still kept talking? What if your child was taking a PSAT test with scholarship money on the line that they only get one shot at? What if it was some sort of professional licensing exam for you? Are disruptions only a problem when they affect you?

If the teacher is complaining about regular ongoing behavior that he denies, it seems like he doesn’t realize that what seems normal to him is problematic. I’d try these steps before I considered talking to the pediatrician about medical interventions:

I agree with PPs that say he needs an acceptable plan for what to do when he finishes early - ex. read a book, draw, do homework for other classes, etc., WITHOUT INTERACTING WITH OTHERS. If the classroom dynamic is full of kids who are all friends, he may not be the only one who is socializing, which may be the reason he doesn’t realize there’s a problem. The teacher may need to approach each student’s parent individually, without discussing other students. While you can’t affect the overall class dynamic, you can make sure your child isn’t making it worse.

Since your child isn’t recognizing when the teacher considers him to be misbehaving, ask the teacher to signal him somehow every time his behavior is a problem. Whether she calls him out publicly, or does something more subtle like putting a post-it on his desk, tapping on hers, etc., she needs to clearly communicate when there is a problem so that he develops an awareness of what he needs to change.

You need to ask her to keep you informed, whether she contacts you each day there’s a problem or gives you a weekly update, you need to know if the problem has resolved or is ongoing. While hopefully having a plan to follow will resolve the problem, you should have a plan on what the consequences will be if it doesn’t. The first time there’s a problem, it wouldn’t necessarily apply, because he needs to learn what the problem is, but there shouldn’t be a second incidence, and he needs to realize it is in his best interest to break the pattern.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son with ADHD had preferential seating (next to teacher, away from windows), and was allowed to take breaks during tests, and was allowed to have repeated directions. His appetite was suppressed while on ADHD meds and he felt nauseated at times, but he NEEDED his meds, so he got used to it, and his ped put him on a weight-gaining diet, because he became underweight.

Sometimes you need to accept some side effects.

Nobody is obligated to accept the side effects of stimulants so that other people are more comfortable around them. I have worked with people with unmedicated ADHD and while they were very annoying I never thought these people should take dangerous medicine to make my life easier. It should be the child's choice.

Have you ever considered they are just annoying people who are loud and inconsiderate and don’t like to work? Not everyone has a neurological disability because that’s what ADHD .


Too many parents throw the term around like they’re talking about seasonal allergies or something. Stop self diagnosing people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was totally sugar coating it. Teachers don't call when the problem is small or even medium. He's a BIG problem. He may also be a great kid, ADHD is not a personality issue. You need to treat this like an emergency. Other teachers are probably annoyed at him and kids will eventually tire of him.

This is not true our school calls or emails for every little thing

I'd complain and tell them to get to teaching and quit wasting time doing all the social media emailing junk.

ADHD or not, he can't be talking in class. You have to get a handle on this.