Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 22:44     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are a woman, AA may not be the right approach for you. Read “Quit Like A Woman” and get yourself into a good rehab program.


This is OP and I believe AA is unsafe for women, based on my experiences. It frustrates me too that this is considered to be the gold standard in addiction management when (a) people who quit on their own have higher success rates than those in AA, (b) the program totally disempowers people and continually attending (until death?) is an expectation, and (c) the founders of the program weren’t all that great.

All of that aside, I am not acutely at risk/experiencing delirium tremens or anything like that. It’s just that when I try to moderate my alcohol intake, it just doesn’t work. While I might manage one or two drinks a day for a while, I will always end up binging. I brought up Naltrexone with my PCP in the spring and she referred me to a psychologist instead (which I haven’t explored - I had an AMAZING psychologist who retired a couple of years ago, hesitant to start this process again but probably need to.)

I’ve read different books, tried different approaches - the only thing that seems to work is complete abstinence. But the idea of never ever having an alcoholic drink again is overwhelming. I’m just lost. Thanks all.


Alcoholism is particularly addictive, unsafe and deadly for women.

Try the women only AA meetings.

Have your PCP prescribe something to help.

IOP (local rehab that allows you to keep working)

Rehab

Alcoholism is a life threatening disease that gets worse over time if not treated.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 22:32     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
AA has plenty of women only meetings.

AA will still be there when nothing else is working.

AA has free meetings at all times of the day.

I know a lot of MD's in AA. It worked for them.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 21:10     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:The point above about AA at least getting you around people who get it is a good one. This thread is a judgmental trainwreck. Many of you are not helping at all - whether that is your intent or not (and I honestly can't tell). Yes, DUI is bad. Drinking too much is bad. Besides the point in this discussion.


It’s not because some people conflate alcoholism and driving drunk and it’s a benefit to op that that’s 1) not accurate and 2) most people aren’t buying it.

Op will benefit by thinking of them as separate issues-alcoholism is a medical problem and drinking and driving is a moral failing.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 21:06     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Have you tried glp-1s? They help some people stop drinking.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 21:04     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:Just have fun. Who says you need to change?


Are you saying op should kill someone with their car? Or die from alcoholism?

Op is asking for help
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 20:57     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
The point above about AA at least getting you around people who get it is a good one. This thread is a judgmental trainwreck. Many of you are not helping at all - whether that is your intent or not (and I honestly can't tell). Yes, DUI is bad. Drinking too much is bad. Besides the point in this discussion.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 20:50     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Why can’t you use an uber? I never understood that. Please don’t kill anyone, I beg of you.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 20:23     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are a woman, AA may not be the right approach for you. Read “Quit Like A Woman” and get yourself into a good rehab program.


This is OP and I believe AA is unsafe for women, based on my experiences. It frustrates me too that this is considered to be the gold standard in addiction management when (a) people who quit on their own have higher success rates than those in AA, (b) the program totally disempowers people and continually attending (until death?) is an expectation, and (c) the founders of the program weren’t all that great.

All of that aside, I am not acutely at risk/experiencing delirium tremens or anything like that. It’s just that when I try to moderate my alcohol intake, it just doesn’t work. While I might manage one or two drinks a day for a while, I will always end up binging. I brought up Naltrexone with my PCP in the spring and she referred me to a psychologist instead (which I haven’t explored - I had an AMAZING psychologist who retired a couple of years ago, hesitant to start this process again but probably need to.)

I’ve read different books, tried different approaches - the only thing that seems to work is complete abstinence. But the idea of never ever having an alcoholic drink again is overwhelming. I’m just lost. Thanks all.

Complete abstinence is what works. It is what you need to do.

I got sober through AA but stopped going after a few years. It does work and you don't have to become a weird AA person. Take what you like and leave the rest. Go to women's only meetings. Go to meetings where the people are similar to you in your socio-economic-education level. You will relate more to what they talk about. I've been sober for over 30 years and I don't attend but it helped at first and got me going. I try to use the steps as a way of acting in life. It can help.

But people quit all the time without AA or rehab or any other method. They just do. So if you don't want to do a program or anything else, just stop for a day and then just keep going the next day. Focus only on the day and stop for just that day. Focus on other things and take up new activities. That helps. Change is hard. What AA can help with is that other people know it's hard. They can relate. But as I said, I've known several people who just stopped without a program or anything. So you really can.

I also agree that Naltraxone sounds very helpful. It seems to remove the obsession.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 20:07     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
AA is not for everyone but you need to keep trying. You should talk to a specialist about naxtrexone, acamprosate, and even semaglutide unless you have contraindications.

But before any of that, have a come to Jesus with yourself that you will never, ever drink and drive again. Use an uber, ffs!

And don’t try to blame drunk driving on alcoholism-most alcoholics never drink and drive. you’re not doing it because you are an alcoholic you’re doing it because your a selfish a-hole and you need your stop it or you deserve every terrible thing that can happen to you as a result.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 20:05     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve tried AA and it did not work for me. I’ve tried SO many times to moderate alcohol and I always end up binge drinking, driving drunk etc - I’m lucky not to take suffered lasting consequences but that could all change. Recently my job performance has suffered due to heavy drinking (being hungover). What do I do?


Get treatment for substance use disorder. AA can be invaluable, but it's not treatment.


Every “treatment” program I have heard of sends people to, you guessed it, AA or a similar program.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 20:03     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:Drink several glasses of water before you start dinking alcohol, & drink a glass of water for each alcoholic drink you have.


Great advice for people who are not prone to excessive drinking. Pointless for people who are so prone.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 20:01     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:RE: the idea of never ever having an alcoholic drink again

There are a lot of NA options for beer, wine and mixers out on the market. There is a whole new market for adult beverages that do not intoxicate you. You just need to find one that you can substitute for the times you want to participate in socializing.


“Non-alcoholic” products are best for non-alcoholics.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 20:00     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are a woman, AA may not be the right approach for you. Read “Quit Like A Woman” and get yourself into a good rehab program.


This is OP and I believe AA is unsafe for women, based on my experiences. It frustrates me too that this is considered to be the gold standard in addiction management when (a) people who quit on their own have higher success rates than those in AA, (b) the program totally disempowers people and continually attending (until death?) is an expectation, and (c) the founders of the program weren’t all that great.

All of that aside, I am not acutely at risk/experiencing delirium tremens or anything like that. It’s just that when I try to moderate my alcohol intake, it just doesn’t work. While I might manage one or two drinks a day for a while, I will always end up binging. I brought up Naltrexone with my PCP in the spring and she referred me to a psychologist instead (which I haven’t explored - I had an AMAZING psychologist who retired a couple of years ago, hesitant to start this process again but probably need to.)

I’ve read different books, tried different approaches - the only thing that seems to work is complete abstinence. But the idea of never ever having an alcoholic drink again is overwhelming. I’m just lost. Thanks all.


Try the Reframe app. It has women-only meetings, and more than 50% women in all meetings. They are on Zoom too. Reframe is very positive and supportive.

You don’t have to think about quitting forever. Just don’t drink today. Every morning, all you have to think about is “I will not drink today.” Pillow to pillow isn’t that hard.

During my early days of sobriety, I would go to bed at like 7 pm if it was too overwhelming. It doesn’t have to look like a Hallmark life at first, just get through each day without drinking.

You can do this! I am on day 387. I never thought this could be possible yet here I am. My whole life is better.


AA also has women only meetings both live and online.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2025 19:58     Subject: Can’t moderate drinking. Now what?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are a woman, AA may not be the right approach for you. Read “Quit Like A Woman” and get yourself into a good rehab program.


This is OP and I believe AA is unsafe for women, based on my experiences. It frustrates me too that this is considered to be the gold standard in addiction management when (a) people who quit on their own have higher success rates than those in AA, (b) the program totally disempowers people and continually attending (until death?) is an expectation, and (c) the founders of the program weren’t all that great.

All of that aside, I am not acutely at risk/experiencing delirium tremens or anything like that. It’s just that when I try to moderate my alcohol intake, it just doesn’t work. While I might manage one or two drinks a day for a while, I will always end up binging. I brought up Naltrexone with my PCP in the spring and she referred me to a psychologist instead (which I haven’t explored - I had an AMAZING psychologist who retired a couple of years ago, hesitant to start this process again but probably need to.)

I’ve read different books, tried different approaches - the only thing that seems to work is complete abstinence. But the idea of never ever having an alcoholic drink again is overwhelming. I’m just lost. Thanks all.


How a program that consists by its own terms entirely of suggestions can “disempower” anyone is beyond me. AA does suggest that people admit they are powerless over alcohol; this admission is a recognition of an existing reality, not a product of the program.