I live in a college town in the midwest and people are very nice. it's very diverse - big R1 university - and people seem very welcoming and friendly. Even the students!

Anonymous wrote:People are living on the edge with no margin. They don’t have enough money, they don’t get to rest, their health is poor, and the political situation is not ok. When you are in a constant state of stress you don’t have the energy to handle slights in a gracious way, and you’re not taking the time to be appreciative and kind either.

Yes I feel this way. I have money, rest, health, but I cannot stay on top of constant kid activities, life stuff, constant kid mess, cooking dinner nightly, just regular cleaning on my house. I work until 11pm at night on all of that and don't ever get it done. I also have a very helpful husband.

One school day off, or a sick kid, and I'm wrecked for the week. I take off work (plenty of annual leave), but then can't catch up at work. At work I'm doing the work of 5 people. We're very short staffed.

The worst part is that I had absolutely everything handled before RTO. We were like a well oiled machine. I was killing it at work, I had all kid stuff down. I wasn't doing non work activities (like my house chores) during the work day, but I just had more time to do them after work. Sadly I don't think we would have had a 3rd child if we knew we'd never have a single telework day again. We had to back out of purchasing a puppy too, which my kids cried about for months. They still haven't recovered from that, but what would I do with a puppy while I'm at work all day? It's... not a great life right now.

I think it's mostly this area. Other areas in the country are not like this. I blame the traffic, high cost of living and just the competitive nature of living here.

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Anonymous wrote:I agree that in DC, this is all gone.

But i live in Florida, and cannot remember the last time i experienced any of these scenarios. People wave in traffic all the time, make a big friendly to-do about doors being held open, chat with the grocery bagger about the weather. I have dozens of friendly, genuine interactions daily.

Of course, florida politics are nuts. But the day to day friendliness is real. I couldn't stand living in dc, but being here is very joyful on a daily basis.

They might not be friendly to you much longer once they know you better. Just saying.

This is why you don’t have to put politics into every single interaction. Most people in my life have no idea what my political beliefs are. It’s not their business and we rarely discuss politics. Everyone is much happier that way. But I also don’t live in DC.

Anonymous wrote:I walk the canal at Riley's lock and most people wave. (minus bikers who think they are training for something)

But if I go down closer to DC it is less friendly. Capital Crescent is the most unfriendly.

Capital Crescent is very crowded. Do you wave and say hello to everyone as you are walking down the streets in downtown DC?

Anonymous wrote:It’s worse in this area. Just got back from the South and manners and kindness are alive and well.

Just go back there MAGA.

I definitely feel like we’ve lost a lot of social norms. I think a lot of that comes from people increasingly living in an online world. That impacts how we have conversations especially about difficult topics, norms around fashion (or even simply what’s considered appropriate clothing), and day to day niceties like saying thank you to someone who holds the door or lets you into traffic. The pandemic eroded norms more and made everything optional; people routinely do not rsvp and bailing is so common it’s almost the default. And I do agree that many people are stretched very thin—cognitive overload (some of which is a result of too much tech/constantly being “on”), managing kids while also caring for elderly parents, dealing with personal mental/physical decline that comes with aging. I think in the past we had tighter IRL communities that acted as support systems and that’s broken down in many places so people are facing these challenges on their own. Lastly I think that greater diversity in a community (like in a large urban area) leads to a lot of different cultural norms which when faced with norms different from your own can feel rude or off putting.

People in this area are rude and surly. They’ve been rude and surly for 15 years. I live in PG county and people are least surly.

It’s worse in this area. Just got back from the South and manners and kindness are alive and well.

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to school in a much wealthier neighborhood than we live. I find that base level kindness to strangers is much higher at home than when I'm out and about around their school.

Why’s that fool?

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the waving, thank you, etc. in younger generations, maybe in 50 year-old plus, but in 20, 30, and 40 year-olds, it’s more of a stay out of my way attitude.

Because you destroyed the planet and left them nothing.

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Anonymous wrote:When someone let's you cut in front of them when merging onto the road and you wave to thank them

People don’t do that anymore. I can’t remember the last time someone waved thank you

I do everytime.

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Anonymous wrote:People are living on the edge with no margin. They don’t have enough money, they don’t get to rest, their health is poor, and the political situation is not ok. When you are in a constant state of stress you don’t have the energy to handle slights in a gracious way, and you’re not taking the time to be appreciative and kind either.

Poor people were a lot more poor 50+ years ago.

And? You think the poor people 50+ years ago were nicer or something? Guess what- if they had every kind of stress and no social support, they weren’t.

DP but they were much nicer and more generous 60+ years ago for sure from accounts from family.

Part of it was there were still consequences back then for poor manners. Sometimes severe consequences, so people had better manners by default.

I wonder if the people who thought everyone was nicer 50-60 years ago are minorities, or LGBTQ+ or women, probably not?

What is wrong with you to even diverge into off topic areas?

It’s not off-topic. It’s just problematizing the assertion, and it’s a very valid point. The “good old days” were only good for certain demographics. Didn’t you learn critical thinking at school?

I walk the canal at Riley's lock and most people wave. (minus bikers who think they are training for something)

But if I go down closer to DC it is less friendly. Capital Crescent is the most unfriendly.

I don’t see the waving, thank you, etc. in younger generations, maybe in 50 year-old plus, but in 20, 30, and 40 year-olds, it’s more of a stay out of my way attitude.