Anonymous wrote:So basically no neurotypical child ever gets “preferential” seating or partners?

Lovely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My calm kid is always used as the therapy dog in classrooms. She hates it and we're leaving the school system.

Exactly. The reality is that, rightly or wrongly, families like ours — relatively well-resourced, with neurotypical and generally well-behaved kids — often end up being treated as resources for the system. Our children are positioned as stabilizing forces, expected to offset or buffer some of the more challenging dynamics in the classroom. And again, I’m not blaming anyone. I understand that in certain micro-level cases, this might even be the best solution for the group as a whole.

But over time, this becomes a structural feature of the system — not an occasional workaround. And what that means in practice is that the needs of the well-regulated kid, the quiet kid, the academically solid kid, get sidelined. Not maliciously, but inevitably, because there are legal, administrative, and behavioral imperatives that must be prioritized. And once you understand that dynamic, the incentive becomes clear: if you can exit to an environment where most of the families are in that same narrow band — reasonably stable home life, no major learning or behavioral hurdles — the educational experience becomes far more right-sized for your child.

That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find in public school. But let’s be honest: the systemic incentive structure just doesn’t make that easy. So yeah, for many of us, the exit is not about elitism or snobbery — it’s just a rational response to an environment where our kids’ needs will always come second. And sometimes, third.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t one kid. These days it’s 1/4 of the class or more.

This is the problem. In my 5th period gen ed class of 30 high school students, I have 11 504s for adhd. All of them have the accommodation of "preferential seating near the point of instruction, away from distractions". I'd love for you to make my seating chart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't sit the class clown next to a quiet kid "as a punishment" - that child is not a punishment.
Don't make one kid the regular partner for a disruptive or incapable student - everyone should have to take a turn.
Don't punish the class for individual behavior.
Don't let one kid scream at or mistreat another in the name of "they have to learn to work together." No adult would have to tolerate that from a peer.

That part is patently false.

No. As an adult, you can walk away from a rude person. You can quit a job, unwise as that may be. We don't let kids walk away.
K-12 school is the only environment, other than prison, where you have no ability to leave a situation and no ability to control who is around you. That means the burden is on the school and the teacher to ensure a respectful environment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't sit the class clown next to a quiet kid "as a punishment" - that child is not a punishment.
Don't make one kid the regular partner for a disruptive or incapable student - everyone should have to take a turn.
Don't punish the class for individual behavior.
Don't let one kid scream at or mistreat another in the name of "they have to learn to work together." No adult would have to tolerate that from a peer.

That part is patently false.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not rocket science, but it is a classroom, not a circus. There’s no excuse for children to be talking while a teacher is lecturing or students are to be completing work quietly. The teacher should not allow best friends to be talking if that means another child has to get an accommodation to avoid them. That’s insane. The classroom door can also be closed, and people in the hallway should be as quiet as possible knowing that classes are in session.

You think teachers have more power in the classroom than we actually do.

This year alone, I’ve seen three different kids with an accommodation to choose a friend to sit next to. We’re only three weeks in and this has already caused drama because it’s middle school. There’s the two boys who think they’re comedians. One student selected a friend and now wants to dump her, but the friend also has a 504 so they have to sit in front. The third chose a NT friend with food allergies who can’t sit near the kid with the accommodation to snack continuously (to counteract the growth stunting effects of his meds).

Counselors, please stop writing accommodations that screw over every other student in the room.

This insight is helpful, as I haven’t been in a classroom in 20 years. One question: why do some students have an accommodation to sit next to a friend? What problem does that solve? I thought students sit wherever the teacher assigns them. Also, what happens if the student with an accommodation (Student A) chooses a friend (Student B) to sit with, but Student B doesn’t want to sit next to Student A? Can Student B decline or do Student A’s wishes prevail?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not rocket science, but it is a classroom, not a circus. There’s no excuse for children to be talking while a teacher is lecturing or students are to be completing work quietly. The teacher should not allow best friends to be talking if that means another child has to get an accommodation to avoid them. That’s insane. The classroom door can also be closed, and people in the hallway should be as quiet as possible knowing that classes are in session.

You think teachers have more power in the classroom than we actually do.

This year alone, I’ve seen three different kids with an accommodation to choose a friend to sit next to. We’re only three weeks in and this has already caused drama because it’s middle school. There’s the two boys who think they’re comedians. One student selected a friend and now wants to dump her, but the friend also has a 504 so they have to sit in front. The third chose a NT friend with food allergies who can’t sit near the kid with the accommodation to snack continuously (to counteract the growth stunting effects of his meds).

Counselors, please stop writing accommodations that screw over every other student in the room.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not rocket science, but it is a classroom, not a circus. There’s no excuse for children to be talking while a teacher is lecturing or students are to be completing work quietly. The teacher should not allow best friends to be talking if that means another child has to get an accommodation to avoid them. That’s insane. The classroom door can also be closed, and people in the hallway should be as quiet as possible knowing that classes are in session.