Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 18:07     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:The model should be “trust but verify”. You don’t know this person well enough what he/she tells you is factual.

When I was in my 30s, I was involved in two serious relationships with two different women who told me they had been with only two guys prior to meeting me.

Before we got engaged, I paid a private investigator 50k to run a background check on her. It turned out that she slept with at least 50 guys in college. When confronted with this, she admitted that she left out that part, and that she is now a “change” woman. I met another woman a few years that I thought I would be married but she also had a few skeletons in the closet.

A private investigator knows where to find these things if the price is right.


BS.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 17:51     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
The model should be “trust but verify”. You don’t know this person well enough what he/she tells you is factual.

When I was in my 30s, I was involved in two serious relationships with two different women who told me they had been with only two guys prior to meeting me.

Before we got engaged, I paid a private investigator 50k to run a background check on her. It turned out that she slept with at least 50 guys in college. When confronted with this, she admitted that she left out that part, and that she is now a “change” woman. I met another woman a few years that I thought I would be married but she also had a few skeletons in the closet.

A private investigator knows where to find these things if the price is right.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 15:26     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A man should know if his future wife slept with the entire fraternity in college before he marries her, most men don’t want their daughters raised to be whores.


Hmm..you must not be on this forum very much. Most of the men on here want to be married to someone who enjoys sex. One of the biggest issues that men complain about is that their wives went from low libido to no libido after kids.


This. Why would you be upset to marry a woman who likes to have sex?

I think it would be more concerning if your girlfriend didn’t have any relationships before you or if she is fine with going a long time without sex or being in long term sexless relationships.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 15:16     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Financial yes, sexual history no. Unless his history includes sex with men. That I would want to know.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 15:13     Subject: Re:past sexual history and financial status
I had an abortion while in college and told my then-boyfriend about it as things got serious. The fact that he was so understanding about it made me even more sure he was the right guy for me. Married 16 years.


One untimely pregnancy and abortion at young age doesn't say much about you, it does say something about your PCP who didn't offer proper birth control.


Yes, it does say something about her. Most of us know what causes pregnancy once we hit our early teens. If she wanted to be sexually active, she should have taken measures to ensure that she did not get pregnant. It is not up to her PCP; it is up to her (and her partner, as noted below).

Now, many things can happen (birth control failures, date rape, etc.) that she would have had no control over. Also, her partner had a massive hand in the event, and he should have taken steps to prevent pregnancy as well.

So, how it happened plays a massive role in how to process it. And this poster's partner (the man who got her pregnant) should share this fact with his partners and take on the same responsibility that she should for it.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 13:38     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion while in college and told my then-boyfriend about it as things got serious. The fact that he was so understanding about it made me even more sure he was the right guy for me. Married 16 years.


One untimely pregnancy and abortion at young age doesn't say much about you, it does say something about your PCP who didn't offer proper birth control.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 13:34     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Medical history? Women here are always complaining of ADHD and OCD husbands. Wouldn't you want to know?
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 13:33     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hiding sexual history is a moral and ethical fraud. Hiding financial history before signing a legal contract is criminal fraud.


I don't think anyone said to lie. But the question is whether it is reasonable to ask in the first place.


Everything needs to be on the table, and there is no such thing as “inappropriate” between two people who are about to enter the most important decision of their lives.


It is important to tell and ask, let other person decide if they want real you or not.

If that's important to you, then ask.

But don't be surprised if you end up alone.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 13:17     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hiding sexual history is a moral and ethical fraud. Hiding financial history before signing a legal contract is criminal fraud.


I don't think anyone said to lie. But the question is whether it is reasonable to ask in the first place.


Everything needs to be on the table, and there is no such thing as “inappropriate” between two people who are about to enter the most important decision of their lives.


If that's important to you, then ask.

But don't be surprised if you end up alone.


It’s totally silly to inquire about things that cant be reliably verified. You can verify financial history through credit check.
And most often it’s the men who participated in wild frat parties who would want to know. We all know how the wives of athletic coaches would find 20 years later about him raping girls
Men are way more sexually aggressive than women so chances a woman married a male w…e or a rapist are much higher than the other way around



I was the "Big Sister" in college who they'd send in to prevent younger sorority members from being taken advantage of (or in one case a dorm mate sent me up to collect his high school age sister). I really wonder if the women who married the guys we all avoided had any idea.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 13:15     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Finances yes. Sexual history to a point, such as if they have an incurable illness or some sort of trauma that may resurface, or other activities such as being a former porn star, that might impose itself on our lives together. As far as the number and what they did. I don't care. Past significant relationships like marriages should be disclosed or if an ex plays a significant role in your current life example, your former fiancé is your pickleball partner married to your sibling.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 12:27     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hiding sexual history is a moral and ethical fraud. Hiding financial history before signing a legal contract is criminal fraud.


I don't think anyone said to lie. But the question is whether it is reasonable to ask in the first place.


Everything needs to be on the table, and there is no such thing as “inappropriate” between two people who are about to enter the most important decision of their lives.


If that's important to you, then ask.

But don't be surprised if you end up alone.


It’s totally silly to inquire about things that cant be reliably verified. You can verify financial history through credit check.
And most often it’s the men who participated in wild frat parties who would want to know. We all know how the wives of athletic coaches would find 20 years later about him raping girls
Men are way more sexually aggressive than women so chances a woman married a male w…e or a rapist are much higher than the other way around

Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 12:23     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hiding sexual history is a moral and ethical fraud. Hiding financial history before signing a legal contract is criminal fraud.


I don't think anyone said to lie. But the question is whether it is reasonable to ask in the first place.


Everything needs to be on the table, and there is no such thing as “inappropriate” between two people who are about to enter the most important decision of their lives.


If that's important to you, then ask.

But don't be surprised if you end up alone.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 12:22     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion while in college and told my then-boyfriend about it as things got serious. The fact that he was so understanding about it made me even more sure he was the right guy for me. Married 16 years.


You got a good man.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 12:21     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Finances yes, sexual history, no.

Look, no matter what, somebody’s feelings will get hurt if you disclose sexual history. Somebody had a threesome, or slept with a gorgeous celebrity, or paid a sex worker, or did something that will make the other person insecure.

It is fully possible to have a wild sexual experience and then go on to have a very happy, monogamous relationship. But there’s zero need to introduce any doubt by bringing up sex that may make the other person uneasy.


So it is ok not to disclose to your potential husband that you slept with the entire UVA football team because you don’t want to make him feel insecure?

Seriously?


I don’t know anybody who slept with an entire football team. Did you? How was it?


I knew about twenty women you got passed around by the UVA football team. I also participated in those activities because I was one of those players. Ten years after graduating from UVA, I ran into one of those women in my Vienna neighborhood. Her husband knew nothing about her past, and still doesn’t know. She knows who I am, and avoids me as much as she can.


You are disgusting, you know that right? And yes, I would want to know if my future husband had participated in behavior like this. Are you willing to list the names of your teammates who "passed around" women? Protect the boys, shame the women, right?

Sounds like the men were pigs and no doubt some rape happened because of what they believed to be the case about some of these girls.


+1
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2025 12:16     Subject: past sexual history and financial status
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hiding sexual history is a moral and ethical fraud. Hiding financial history before signing a legal contract is criminal fraud.


I don't think anyone said to lie. But the question is whether it is reasonable to ask in the first place.


Everything needs to be on the table, and there is no such thing as “inappropriate” between two people who are about to enter the most important decision of their lives.