OP, I can identify with a lot of what you wrote. I guess in my case it's more obvious though because we have another sister who she treats differently. e.g., she actively makes plans to go visit her and her family whereas with me she'll literally be in town and too "busy" to meet up for dinner one night. It stings, but I've had to learn to let it go and adjust my effort accordingly.

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess OP- you were the golden child and your sister was the black sheep? She probably only asked you to be MOH due to pressure from your parents. Work on making ammends for your privlege.

If this is true, this is the parents’ fault, not OP’s.

OP I relate to so much of this. My younger sister just made clear in an argument recently that she really doesn't like me, so I've decided that's fine and will no longer engage or will make the littlest effort. Our details are somewhat different: she calls me a lot and always tells me how how much she values me, how I'm the only one in the family to support her. Yet, her actions say otherwise, including she didn't make me maid of honor after I had her as my MOH--neither of us had any other bridesmaids. She also hasn't told me she was coming to DC. I have swept under the rug other incidents where she was just downright mean to me or tried to undermine me.

I've been pretending for a lifetime we're close, and I'm just done with it. You can torment yourself all you want for the reasons why, or justify the reasons she may not like you as pp's want you too (i.e. not the favorite, not too small, very nice, etc.) but does it really matter? You'll never know.

It sounds like I'm much older than you, so better to know now. Her not liking you is her problem, not yours. Same as with my sister. Stop blaming yourself, accept reality, and decide with intention what you want/will do.

You mentioned things changing around college- honestly that seems to be one of those life inflection points where you make new friendships and cull others. Sometimes its obvious and other times its a more gradual pulling away, particularly if one side keeps up efforts for a while. I had a small group of friends from high school that I was close with and the first summer back from college one of them called me to say she no longer wanted to be friends with another in the group for XYZ reasons. And followed it up with "Oh but of course I still want to hang out with YOU" but she never initiated contact again and brushed me off when I did. At the time it felt worse than breaking up with a boyfriend, but I don't think she really liked HS or our hometown and wanted a clean break.

Obviously a bit different since this is your sister but I get the sense you miss having her as a "friend" rather than just an obligatory sister relationship. I would follow through on the wedding obligations as cheefully as possible and then devote your energy into friendships that aren't so one-sided.

OP, it seems pretty obvious that this current relationship status with your sister is going to be the new norm. Even moreso once she really settles down after her marriage and perhaps begins having kids.

It may have nothing to do with you. Based on your posts it seems you are self-reflective and are genuinely stumped as to her behavior.

It is possible that it is just her nature to be self-absorbed and/or very selective about who she chooses to be close to. And that may not include you, sadly.

On the other hand, we all know there are two sides to every story and we don't know your sister's side.

The one thing I found telling was when the bridesmaid mentioned to you that you didn't plan a shower - to me that says your sister must have said something (negative) about you not doing that for her or not WANTING you to do it for her. Why is that?

It may be a total misrepresentation of what she said, or the bridesmaid may have twisted it but that makes me wonder if your sister tells others she doesn't have a close relationship with you. That and the fact that she didn't see you whenever she had the chance to do so easily over the past years.

Food for thought...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question can be found in two quotes, OP - one from you and one from a PP.

From you: "I understand I sound like a piece of work."

From a PP: "She probably only made you MOH to please your parents . . . "

Am I the only one not getting that vibe? OP has said repeatedly she’s not the favorite child, that her parents don’t get involved in the relationship, that her mom barely pushed for her to go dress shopping….if all those things are true I really don’t see mom forcing little sis to make big sis MOH.

It's pretty common that the favorite doesn't believe they are. The fact that ops dad called the sister and told her to call about ops lost job says otherwise. The fact that ops felt entitled to a same day phone call for her list job says otherwise.

But she didn't feel entitled to a same day phone call. The younger sister didn't call for several days. If you actually read the post...OP didn't go to their dad complaining. Their father asked if the younger sister reached out, OP answered honestly, and then he told the younger sister to call.

Sorry your siblings hate you (and I can see why) but I would reach out to my brother if he got laid off. Maybe not same day, but I'd check on him.

I feel like that PP is projecting, it's like they are pissed off about not being the favorite or something and want that to be everyone else's situation too.

OP, I get it and I'm sorry. My sister didn't call for WEEKS after my second DC was born. Meanwhile my mom will text me over every little thing happeining in my sister's life encouraging me to check in on her, e.g., she had to take dog to the vet, or she's upset over a ploice shooting (she's an LEO), etc. Which I do, but yeah, contact feels pretty one sided and it's crummy. It wasn't always this way. I recently started therapy and it's been helpful to talk about it, I didn't realize how much this was bothering me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question can be found in two quotes, OP - one from you and one from a PP.

From you: "I understand I sound like a piece of work."

From a PP: "She probably only made you MOH to please your parents . . . "

Am I the only one not getting that vibe? OP has said repeatedly she’s not the favorite child, that her parents don’t get involved in the relationship, that her mom barely pushed for her to go dress shopping….if all those things are true I really don’t see mom forcing little sis to make big sis MOH.

It's pretty common that the favorite doesn't believe they are. The fact that ops dad called the sister and told her to call about ops lost job says otherwise. The fact that ops felt entitled to a same day phone call for her list job says otherwise.

But she didn't feel entitled to a same day phone call. The younger sister didn't call for several days. If you actually read the post...OP didn't go to their dad complaining. Their father asked if the younger sister reached out, OP answered honestly, and then he told the younger sister to call.

Sorry your siblings hate you (and I can see why) but I would reach out to my brother if he got laid off. Maybe not same day, but I'd check on him.

honestly, i don't really like my sister and it's fine. You don't have to like your relatives and sometimes it's better that you recognize them for who they are and move on.