For the hundredth time, men do not care about how much money a woman makes. He cares that she is kind, calm, in good shape, brings peace instead of problems, has time for him, will prioritize their relationship above hers (in fact, he would prefer she don't work), won't embarrass him in public, will be gracious to his friends, will be loyal, and will make a great mother. The more money he makes, the more of a stickler he is about it.

Anonymous wrote:I know a guy who makes about 400k who just proposed to his fiance who works an hourly retail job (but has a college degree). It just occurred to me that all the other couples I know make fairly even salaries with the man usually earning slightly more. I’m wondering why he didn’t go for a woman with a 6 figure job.

If he makes $400k now, he may make a lot more in the future. There's your 6 figures for the woman you are looking for. Since you know the guy, tell us why she like his fiance so much.
How do you know she is broke? Also, broke is not forever. I have been broke so many times for reasons you can't even think of. I always knew I would come out of it. I came out of it while making minimum wage and retired early. The 6-figure women/men around me are still working.
We don't know what they want for their family.
I think it's a good sign that she took the retail job. Many graduates are sitting at home, because working retail would be beneath them.

This reminds me of Prince William and Kate Middleton's marriage dynamic. He comes from great privilege and wealth. She comes from a commoner middle class background. They only reason they were able to meet is because her mother helped her enter the right monied circles in UK by sending her to fancy boarding schools and then the right college at the right time. Her parents business could never help fund that life but her uncle had some money and helped fund the schooling. She was able to parlay that into more. She has never had to actually hold down a job in real life.

But the power dynamic between the two is and always has been off. He has all the money, contacts, and job (her position is only in relation to him not on her own). He has multiple affairs and controls the finds and she has to deal with it. Stories of his temper are often relayed on the news and how she has to treat him like a fourth child.

She got the kingdom and lost herself.

Anonymous wrote:There are different kinds of broke women.

We know someone who is marrying an unemployed recent grad from a top graduate school. She will likely never work. She comes from a wealthy family.

She is different than a broke unemployed girl who didn’t finish college or went to some bad state school and comes from a broken or poor family.

My ex’s new girlfriend was pretty broke, a single mom with an abusive ex, and didn’t finish college. This all explains so much.

Wow, all these stories about a rich man and poorer woman echo my marriage. I was educated and smart though, but having kids so I put up with it. We had a joint account - I guess he thought I’d never leave. I started working again and it went downhill from there until it became financial abuse.

I think if a woman is pretty enough, then a man doesn’t look beyond that when choosing a partner.

Yes, I can see a doctor marrying the nanny to his children if he thinks she is attractive.

It’s usually women who care more about a man’s pocketbook than a man.

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Anonymous wrote:I know a guy who makes about 400k who just proposed to his fiance who works an hourly retail job (but has a college degree). It just occurred to me that all the other couples I know make fairly even salaries with the man usually earning slightly more. I’m wondering why he didn’t go for a woman with a 6 figure job.

Either he doesn't care or doesn't want to wait for a better option. I see many couples with unbalanced finances but mostly low earner is in a low paying professional job for nonprofits or other do-gooder jobs, not in hourly retail.

Or he wants someone submissive and dependent who he can control.

Are you that misogynistic and classist that you can’t perceive of a woman working retail who is intelligent? You don’t sound like the sharpest knife in the block yourself.

A poor woman who works retail is easy prey for controlling men. Intelligent or not. Its about the power imbalance.

Not much of a power imbalance once you get married. What's his is hers.

Not if they have a prenup. The man who seeks control would make sure to sign a prenup.

A controlling man intentionally married to a low-income or no-income woman will still have total financial control without a prenup. And most things flow from there.

Uh, no. Joint account; any income belongs to both of us.

Then you don't have a controlling husband. My own mom, for example, has never had access to any money (or credit) in her marriage other than the cash she gets in an envelope at the beginning of each month. Watching this dynamic bothered me so much that I spent time helping people in her situation (but usually much worse) and learned that this is not uncommon. Some wealthy, controlling men even target and marry poor immigrant women because they are the most vulnerable among us.