Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 13:00     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:You and your ex both work, and you work a difficult schedule. Right? If you children are young, that means childcare expenses could be $3000+ a month ALONE. Since you need childcare to also work, splitting that seems more than reasonable. Then $200 for food and clothes is barely getting by.

You have a deal dude.


This. $1700 is low and if you try to get it re-evaluated you might end up paying more.

Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 12:57     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
OP don't waste your money on lawyers. And if you make more, your payments will go up as well.

Unfortunately you will have to find a way to make it work until they are 21. You may very well end up with 100s of thousands of dollars in debt as a result but you won't be the last person it has happened to. Many years ago I worked as a legal aid and it's easy for people who are not in this situation to just say work more pay up toughen up etc. A lot of the men that were coming to our practice were working 2 to 3 jobs. The vast majority were actually great men it was just overwhelming.. unfortunately when it comes to child support at least in our practice we have noticed that the courts tend to be more sympathetic towards women who were in a similar situation. This may sounds sexist, but in practice it works. A lot of women show up to court emotionally distressed and it works.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 12:47     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op this is stupid. Internet advice is not always true. Consult with a lawyer to REALLY find out if your payment can be reduced.


I have a friend who did this, also in NY, the judge bench slapped him and his atty and he ended up paying more, since he’d has a slight raise since the order was issued.

What is a lawyer going to do other than take his money. OP is being light on details, for two kids that’s not a lot of menu, especially if mom pays for health insurance and child care.

Also in my experience mediators are kind of anti woman anyway, so mom might actually end up getting more if lawyer and judge get involved.


Can you say more about that? I have observed this anecdotally but it was only secondhand reports in 2 divorces friends went through.


Mediators are not anti women..men simply dominate the room. If a man goes into mediation with a woman who stands her grounds as much as he does, then mediation will be fair. Women have this habit of attacking spaces where they don't get a fair share and I get it. For this reason women are better off hiring a lawyer.

At the same time men who hire female lawyers for contentious divorced do very well if the judge is male and their lawyer is female.

I always tell guys who have any kind of child support custody issue to 100% select a female lawyer. And preferably a younger blonde. I hate to say this but it matters.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 12:46     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
How old are your kids?

If they’re young enough to need childcare, this level of child support sounds like a steal.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 12:42     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op this is stupid. Internet advice is not always true. Consult with a lawyer to REALLY find out if your payment can be reduced.


I have a friend who did this, also in NY, the judge bench slapped him and his atty and he ended up paying more, since he’d has a slight raise since the order was issued.

What is a lawyer going to do other than take his money. OP is being light on details, for two kids that’s not a lot of menu, especially if mom pays for health insurance and child care.

Also in my experience mediators are kind of anti woman anyway, so mom might actually end up getting more if lawyer and judge get involved.


Can you say more about that? I have observed this anecdotally but it was only secondhand reports in 2 divorces friends went through.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 12:35     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:Op this is stupid. Internet advice is not always true. Consult with a lawyer to REALLY find out if your payment can be reduced.


I have a friend who did this, also in NY, the judge bench slapped him and his atty and he ended up paying more, since he’d has a slight raise since the order was issued.

What is a lawyer going to do other than take his money. OP is being light on details, for two kids that’s not a lot of menu, especially if mom pays for health insurance and child care.

Also in my experience mediators are kind of anti woman anyway, so mom might actually end up getting more if lawyer and judge get involved.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 12:32     Subject: Re:Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If there are guidelines, not likely there is much you can do. But seriously, $20k support per year for your kids isn’t a lot. A judge isn’t going to have sympathy. Your first duty is to support your kids. Do you need a car? Can you get cheaper rent?


It’s a lot when he has the same expenses in his home for the kids too.


Yep this is what a lot of people either forget or simply ignore. Child support decreases the income of 1 person while raising the income of the other. And it's always the same excuse kids are expensive. No sh**t. OP has his kids 40% of the time and yet he covers their expenses in both households. This is one of the reason some men are so stressed financially that it affects their relationship with their kids. Men's mental health in this country nobody gives a sh**t. We only care about women's mental health. For men it's always the same toughen up.

And in NY you pay child support until they are 21. And guess what? Even when they are in college you still need to keep paying child support and it's separate from college tuition. So you still need to keep sending those checks even though the child is away in college.

NY is one of the worst state if you have child support payment and you are not wealthy.


Wa, wa… in other words it’s cheaper to keep her, especially if you live in NY.


Maybe she realized if was better to drop him lol. There is a financial incentive with divorce in certain cases.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 12:25     Subject: Re:Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If there are guidelines, not likely there is much you can do. But seriously, $20k support per year for your kids isn’t a lot. A judge isn’t going to have sympathy. Your first duty is to support your kids. Do you need a car? Can you get cheaper rent?


It’s a lot when he has the same expenses in his home for the kids too.


Yep this is what a lot of people either forget or simply ignore. Child support decreases the income of 1 person while raising the income of the other. And it's always the same excuse kids are expensive. No sh**t. OP has his kids 40% of the time and yet he covers their expenses in both households. This is one of the reason some men are so stressed financially that it affects their relationship with their kids. Men's mental health in this country nobody gives a sh**t. We only care about women's mental health. For men it's always the same toughen up.

And in NY you pay child support until they are 21. And guess what? Even when they are in college you still need to keep paying child support and it's separate from college tuition. So you still need to keep sending those checks even though the child is away in college.

NY is one of the worst state if you have child support payment and you are not wealthy.


Wa, wa… in other words it’s cheaper to keep her, especially if you live in NY.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 11:22     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Op this is stupid. Internet advice is not always true. Consult with a lawyer to REALLY find out if your payment can be reduced.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 10:37     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you in NYC?


He has a car payment, but didn't list parking so I'm guessing he does not live in NYC.


People park on the street all the time in NYC.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 09:43     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
How about paying $3k/month and your ex let her unemployed younger boyfriend move in. I was so angry when I found out, got a lawyer, went to court, and the judge just shrugged. And he even threatened me that next time I show up they will revisit my salary and increase the payments because went to court less than 2 years after we agreed to a settlement.

Yes folks, your ex can have an unemployed f**r moves in and she can use part of child support to feed that p**e of shit.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 09:38     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Didn't a lawyer help with your divorce? Matrimonial lawyers generally do a free consult.


OP here. We didn't use a lawyer. We used a mediator and she helped us file with the court.

Now I regret and should I have used a lawyer. But my calculus was that if in had used a lawyer it would have put me in debt even sooner with probably not a much better outcome. And I also heard from people that in NY judges rarely deviate from the calculator.


Your obligation sounds reasonable for NY, and no they won’t give you a headship discount, so suck it up and do what a woman in the same situation would do, cut back on your own personal spending, sacrifice your own needs and wants and get a second job tending bar when you don’t have your kids.

Or marry again, but get snipped, so you don’t end up paying more support, and let your new wife share the load.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 09:33     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Didn't you guys read the part where OP said his ex makes more than him. So he is subsiding her rent probably up to 70%/80%. And her salary is more than enough for childcare. She is probably not in debt otherwise she would go after OP for more money

I have an advice for men. Fight for physical custody. I did. I get child support. Trust me it's enough for me to care for my kids without going into debt. Women always use the narrative that whatever they are getting is not enough. And they will keep pushing this argument because not enough men are signing up to be primary parent. Trust me when I say this, when you go to bed and wake up knowing that a check is going to come in every month from someone else in addition to your own check it makes a huge difference. Every time I see my ex she looks angry. And I know why. She is in the same exact position OP is in
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 09:00     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
Anonymous wrote:You and your ex both work, and you work a difficult schedule. Right? If you children are young, that means childcare expenses could be $3000+ a month ALONE. Since you need childcare to also work, splitting that seems more than reasonable. Then $200 for food and clothes is barely getting by.

You have a deal dude.


This. The majority of that bill is probably childcare.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2025 08:55     Subject: Can a lawyer help me reduce my child support obligation?
You and your ex both work, and you work a difficult schedule. Right? If you children are young, that means childcare expenses could be $3000+ a month ALONE. Since you need childcare to also work, splitting that seems more than reasonable. Then $200 for food and clothes is barely getting by.

You have a deal dude.