Anonymous wrote:Get a grip, people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same boat op.

I guess my tears are from knowing things arent really ever going to be the same anymore - the daily dynamics, comings& goings, routine, spontaneous reputoire, etc.

I liked our status quo.

Same. I am not at all “sad” that DS is successfully launching and happy. I feel _loss_ at his absence and the end of an era that I really really really liked.

I acknowledge that there is no correct way to feel here, but I have to say that I do not get at all the people who are SO excited that their children are gone from their day to day lives. (“So thrilled to be empty nesters now!”). (“Really enjoying this empty nest time!”) It’s not as if they couldn’t read a book in peace or take an adults only weekend or dinner or tango class when the kid was, say, a 16 year old junior. So it really does sound like these “Yassss! I’m alone!” people are genuinely thrilled not to be seeing the teens on the regular.

Which is foreign to me - not right or wrong

I have a rising senior and I feel a touch sad thinking about next year.

But I can understand the everyday joy in empty nesting too. My schedule and daily focus revolves around my children -and I’m the breadwinner. Their every days issues still take a part of my brain. I stop work to check in the evening t and make/eat dinner with them - not at a natural stop point for work. I schedule work travel to coincide with that they are doing. We plan vacations they might like that corresponds to the school year. (Weekends away depend on kids to be sure - everyone thinks their kid won’t throw the party). So sure I can go dinner or tango class, I’m looking forward to flying somewhere fun on a Tuesday in October.

+1

I feel like the people who doesn’t understand the degree of freedom that comes with empty nesting probably had a great village while they were parenting. And maybe took it for granted/don’t realize not everyone has that.

Very interesting post. I do have a great village and am grateful for it. Both sets of (loving) grandparents within an hour drive.

I enjoy daily life with my kids. I enjoy doing things for them and with them. We can talk for hours and it’s just awesome. Yes, life will go on without them but it won’t be as compelling. I guess this is why some get pets- to have a living being to care for. I won’t get a pet. I do have a professional career that I love - maybe that in part makes me feel sadder. I haven’t spent 24/7 with my kids and my life hasn’t been all about them. I don’t feel this sense of “freedom” others mention. I feel happy for the kids but sad for me. Maybe this is why people push for grandkids. Lol.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad but didn't cry. I think this is large part because I've been pre-grieving for a good 18 months--very conscious of how quickly time was going and how many events were the last.

Also, the kid I just dropped off made it really difficult for us the past 2 months. She is awesome and capable and funny and smart but woah, she was not easy to live with for the months of July and August. A weird mix of anxiety, anger (sometimes rage), and know-it-all-ness. I had really reached the end of my rope. I'm a really hands-on parent and I've loved being a parent but I was pushed to my limit. To be honest, it felt almost like sending her to inpatient therapy or the hospital---like she medically she NEEDED to go and fly and transition to the next step. She's an older teen (19 in Sept) and I think this contributed.

I had the same experience. Sat in my DD's bedroom after she left, looked at all the stuff from her childhood, all the memories and broke down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same boat op.

I guess my tears are from knowing things arent really ever going to be the same anymore - the daily dynamics, comings& goings, routine, spontaneous reputoire, etc.

I liked our status quo.

Same. I am not at all “sad” that DS is successfully launching and happy. I feel _loss_ at his absence and the end of an era that I really really really liked.

I acknowledge that there is no correct way to feel here, but I have to say that I do not get at all the people who are SO excited that their children are gone from their day to day lives. (“So thrilled to be empty nesters now!”). (“Really enjoying this empty nest time!”) It’s not as if they couldn’t read a book in peace or take an adults only weekend or dinner or tango class when the kid was, say, a 16 year old junior. So it really does sound like these “Yassss! I’m alone!” people are genuinely thrilled not to be seeing the teens on the regular.

Which is foreign to me - not right or wrong

I have a rising senior and I feel a touch sad thinking about next year.

But I can understand the everyday joy in empty nesting too. My schedule and daily focus revolves around my children -and I’m the breadwinner. Their every days issues still take a part of my brain. I stop work to check in the evening t and make/eat dinner with them - not at a natural stop point for work. I schedule work travel to coincide with that they are doing. We plan vacations they might like that corresponds to the school year. (Weekends away depend on kids to be sure - everyone thinks their kid won’t throw the party). So sure I can go dinner or tango class, I’m looking forward to flying somewhere fun on a Tuesday in October.

+1

I feel like the people who doesn’t understand the degree of freedom that comes with empty nesting probably had a great village while they were parenting. And maybe took it for granted/don’t realize not everyone has that.

Anonymous wrote:OP, develop a mantra. And anytime a sad thought about it creeps in, replace it with your (positive) mantra. A few sentences. Use them consistently. Make it an automatic counter-response.

Such as, "he's doing important work and is making new friends."