Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 8 year old daughter doesn't want to attend playdates on her own. She is worried about you making friends. And you say that you have anxiety. Anxiety is very often inherited. Please talk with your pediatrician about your daughter's anxiety to get it treated.

As for staying home alone, start really really small. Talk to her about what to do when she is home alone.

Then start with a really short time away. Like a 1-2 minutes like leaving her home alone while you take the trash out.

Then a 5 minute trip where you to "say hi to the neighbor".

Just very very gradually make the trips longer.

Since when is taking the trash out considered “alone”?

PP is nuts and raising an anxiety filled kid. They can’t be left alone while you take the trash out? That’s insane for an 8 year old.

I was assuming that PP was just giving advice about how to start small. That could apply to a 5 year old. But if she did mean that… then yeah, that’s way too much. My 8 year old takes the trash out and walks the dog while I sit home alone!

Anonymous wrote:I am a young-average age parent (37 with a 9yo) and allow my oldest to stay home for short periods. My kids have been able to attend drop off playdates since around 5-7 (dependent on each kid and how well we know the family).

In my experience there’s no correlation between parental age and their anxiety about leaving their child. I know an older mom with an only who over time has become the only parent who stays for parties or play dates that are clearly supposed to be drop-off. I try not to judge, as I don’t know what life experiences may have led this mom to be so cautious, but it’s also led me to not invite this girl over.

OP, I gently suggest you consider where your anxiety comes from and try to work through it. The world is not less safe than it was when we were kids, we just hear about every horrible thing these days due to internet and social media. Of course it’s normal to remember the mistakes we made when we were young, and times that something could have gone really wrong. It is NECESSARY to experience those moments of growth, though, in order to not end up with an anxiety disorder.

I am also 37 and have a 10 yr old (starting 5th grade) and 7 year old. I also allow drop-off playdates (we don't do sleepovers though) and my 10 year old is allowed to stay home alone for short periods of time during the day (30 min -1.5 hours). We live in a quiet, safe neighborhood and have positive relationships with all of our neighbors. He knows not to open the door for strangers, we have doorbell cameras, he has access to a phone for emergencies, and knows who he can run to in case of an emergency (any of our neighbors). He does NOT stay home alone with his younger bro and we also don't let him stay home alone during transitions (e.g. if he was going to take the school bus in the morning or come home in the afternoon). He's not responsible enough to handle getting himself on the bus alone (we might try it later on this year with support from a neighbor). My husband also works .5 mile away from home and I'm less than 10 min away.

I personally struggle with a lot of anxiety, and taking medication and participating in therapy has been really helpful. That might be something to explore with your doctor. Living in an anxious state is an awful feeling, and sometimes we don't always realize that is what is impacting us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 8 year old daughter doesn't want to attend playdates on her own. She is worried about you making friends. And you say that you have anxiety. Anxiety is very often inherited. Please talk with your pediatrician about your daughter's anxiety to get it treated.

As for staying home alone, start really really small. Talk to her about what to do when she is home alone.

Then start with a really short time away. Like a 1-2 minutes like leaving her home alone while you take the trash out.

Then a 5 minute trip where you to "say hi to the neighbor".

Just very very gradually make the trips longer.

Since when is taking the trash out considered “alone”?

PP is nuts and raising an anxiety filled kid. They can’t be left alone while you take the trash out? That’s insane for an 8 year old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 9 year old who starts 5th grade next week. He will turn 10 a few weeks later.

Last year (age 9 still) he came home from school alone one day a week when DH and I both had work commitments. He was home alone about an hour. He was not permitted to have friends over, I would probably not allow that until older teen.

But you seriously attend your child's play dates? That is next level crazy. I can understand different kids have different abilities to be left alone. But not letting them play alone? Super weird.

Im 41 fwiw.

Yes, the OP’s child is old for their grade (how is this not known to OP?). There are many 9 year olds going into 4th grade. My kids have birthdays in April, July, and October. The April kid will turn 9 at the end of April in 3rd grade and will be 9 for most of 4th grade; the October kid will turn 9 in mid-October, two months into 3rd grade and will be 9th two months into 4th grade; and my July birthday kid will turn 9 in July before 3rd grade and will be 10 in 4th.

Uh, are you a redshirting troll? OP said her kid was 8, entering 3rd grade, and that kids turn 9 during 3rd grade. So her child is not old for the grade. Your July birthday is though.

Anonymous wrote:I have a 9 year old who starts 5th grade next week. He will turn 10 a few weeks later.

Last year (age 9 still) he came home from school alone one day a week when DH and I both had work commitments. He was home alone about an hour. He was not permitted to have friends over, I would probably not allow that until older teen.

But you seriously attend your child's play dates? That is next level crazy. I can understand different kids have different abilities to be left alone. But not letting them play alone? Super weird.

Im 41 fwiw.

Yes, the OP’s child is old for their grade (how is this not known to OP?). There are many 9 year olds going into 4th grade. My kids have birthdays in April, July, and October. The April kid will turn 9 at the end of April in 3rd grade and will be 9 for most of 4th grade; the October kid will turn 9 in mid-October, two months into 3rd grade and will be 9th two months into 4th grade; and my July birthday kid will turn 9 in July before 3rd grade and will be 10 in 4th.

Encourage your daughter to do drop off play dates. I guess if you meet at a park then it’s different. I left my elementary school kids alone while I ran to the store to pick something up or to get takeout or to pick up a sibling. I usually put on their favorite show and told them not to answer the door if anyone knocks.

Anonymous wrote:Your 8 year old daughter doesn't want to attend playdates on her own. She is worried about you making friends. And you say that you have anxiety. Anxiety is very often inherited. Please talk with your pediatrician about your daughter's anxiety to get it treated.

As for staying home alone, start really really small. Talk to her about what to do when she is home alone.

Then start with a really short time away. Like a 1-2 minutes like leaving her home alone while you take the trash out.

Then a 5 minute trip where you to "say hi to the neighbor".

Just very very gradually make the trips longer.

Since when is taking the trash out considered “alone”?

I’m in my 40s. We did not leave our kids home alone until they turned 11 (or maybe an older 10). I was not left home alone younger than that, either.

Anonymous wrote:I leave my 9 year old home alone to run errands fairly often. However he is not allowed to have anyone here during that time. I view it as a possible liability in the event something went wrong.

+1. My nine year old can stay at home by herself while I run errands, but I wouldn't do that if she had a friend over and she's not supposed to open the door to friends when an adult isn't present.

I'm 41 if that matters.

I leave my 9 year old home alone to run errands fairly often. However he is not allowed to have anyone here during that time. I view it as a possible liability in the event something went wrong.

Anonymous wrote:You're 30 years old with an 8 year old? So basically a teen mom.

Rude. That’s like calling a 50 year old with an 8 year old basically a grandma mom.

Your 8 year old daughter doesn't want to attend playdates on her own. She is worried about you making friends. And you say that you have anxiety. Anxiety is very often inherited. Please talk with your pediatrician about your daughter's anxiety to get it treated.

As for staying home alone, start really really small. Talk to her about what to do when she is home alone.

Then start with a really short time away. Like a 1-2 minutes like leaving her home alone while you take the trash out.

Then a 5 minute trip where you to "say hi to the neighbor".

Just very very gradually make the trips longer.

I started leaving my kids for short amounts of time at age 10. They are both responsible kids. We had neighbors they could get help from if needed. And they could call me.

By 12-13, I would leave them for 3+ hours. Usually not at night.

I started babysitting at 12 and was left with infants with no way to contact the parents.