Anonymous
Post 08/10/2025 12:16     Subject: Re:Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:Husband doesn’t want to donate? Why do you need his ok? I don’t think at all it will help with admissions but give where you want to give


It depends what level of spending you have decided requires no mutual consultation.

Admit it, if your DH spent more than $1,000 on something without telling you about it beforehand, you'd be very annoyed.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2025 11:52     Subject: Re:Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Husband doesn’t want to donate? Why do you need his ok? I don’t think at all it will help with admissions but give where you want to give
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2025 08:55     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:I am a Brown alum and DH went to Amherst. We are UMC and have a very bright 7 yo. DH’s alma mater has ended legacy admissions but mine hasn’t, and while I have given off and on in the past I was thinking it would make sense to make sure we’re making an annual donation to my school to help give DC a leg up in case he wants to apply someday. DH is dead set against this and thinks I am being ridiculous. I freely admit that I probably am, I just wouldn’t want to have not done something that could have helped DC. Thoughts?


Team DH. You are ridiculous. Your entire thought process is distorted.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2025 08:50     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Make your son earn his accomplishments not bought.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2025 08:47     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a Brown alum and DH went to Amherst. We are UMC and have a very bright 7 yo. DH’s alma mater has ended legacy admissions but mine hasn’t, and while I have given off and on in the past I was thinking it would make sense to make sure we’re making an annual donation to my school to help give DC a leg up in case he wants to apply someday. DH is dead set against this and thinks I am being ridiculous. I freely admit that I probably am, I just wouldn’t want to have not done something that could have helped DC. Thoughts?


My husband and his father went to a not to be names Ivy. They have donated more than $9M over the years (25 years). And guess what? My son with a 1560 SAT, 3.9 us GPA and amazing ECs was waitlisted and never got off the waitlist. Stop this nonsense. If $9M didnt help with a qualified kid, forget about donating a few thousand dollars. Needless to say, the donations have stopped with a nice letter to the development office.

Kid was accepted to another Ivy through RD process…


Then you did something really wrong. Is your kid a jerk? Development should have made the connection but did you make it easy and nudge them (with that level of donation you should have a contact in development). Something is missing. Be honest with your self.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2025 07:07     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:PP here. Before anybody here mentions rigor, He had all the rigor possible in his curriculum in one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the US. BTWm he also had a 36 in the ACT.


Why did they want to give 9 million? Now I want to know their reasons. That is a lot of money to donate to a single place.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2025 04:31     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
PP here. Before anybody here mentions rigor, He had all the rigor possible in his curriculum in one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the US. BTWm he also had a 36 in the ACT.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2025 04:28     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:I am a Brown alum and DH went to Amherst. We are UMC and have a very bright 7 yo. DH’s alma mater has ended legacy admissions but mine hasn’t, and while I have given off and on in the past I was thinking it would make sense to make sure we’re making an annual donation to my school to help give DC a leg up in case he wants to apply someday. DH is dead set against this and thinks I am being ridiculous. I freely admit that I probably am, I just wouldn’t want to have not done something that could have helped DC. Thoughts?


My husband and his father went to a not to be names Ivy. They have donated more than $9M over the years (25 years). And guess what? My son with a 1560 SAT, 3.9 us GPA and amazing ECs was waitlisted and never got off the waitlist. Stop this nonsense. If $9M didnt help with a qualified kid, forget about donating a few thousand dollars. Needless to say, the donations have stopped with a nice letter to the development office.

Kid was accepted to another Ivy through RD process…
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2025 21:00     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:Spouse is an alum, we've given tens of thousands over the years (not quite $100,000 total), and spouse does applicant interviews. Our child (National Merit Scholar, 4.81 GPA, tons of ECs and leadership, Varsity sport, summer job starting at 15 with increased responsibility), received a WL that they never got off of. I considered it a courtesy WL offer, and told kids 2 and 3 not to bother applying. And no, we don't donate any more


Then your kid did not have the right rigor or had bad recs.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2025 20:59     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:At least some schools somewhat consider consistent giving, even if it is small. If your kid ends start now when DC is 7 so have been giving a for ten years when they apply, it might help some but not much. If you started at birth, or better yet before birth, it might have helped a little bit more.

I would say that if you have the money, give a few hundred bucks (tax deductible) and see how things go. Things are changing so much right now that no one can predict the end game.

If you want to help, I would also start going to events and volunteering.


Yes yes yes. This is correct
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2025 20:56     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
At least some schools somewhat consider consistent giving, even if it is small. If your kid ends start now when DC is 7 so have been giving a for ten years when they apply, it might help some but not much. If you started at birth, or better yet before birth, it might have helped a little bit more.

I would say that if you have the money, give a few hundred bucks (tax deductible) and see how things go. Things are changing so much right now that no one can predict the end game.

If you want to help, I would also start going to events and volunteering.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2025 20:22     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:Unless you are donating a ridiculous amount (which could be what his aversion is), it won't help your DS.


Brown won't notice anything less than $1m in one year. If you don't $800k per year for an admission advantage, you might as well not.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2025 15:25     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Spend that money educating your child instead of bribing people to overlook his failures.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2025 15:22     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
You have no idea what your kid will want to do with his life. Take the money and save it. It won’t make a difference anyway unless you were planning on donating millions. I agree with your husband.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2025 15:06     Subject: Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater
Anonymous wrote:I am a Brown alum and DH went to Amherst. We are UMC and have a very bright 7 yo. DH’s alma mater has ended legacy admissions but mine hasn’t, and while I have given off and on in the past I was thinking it would make sense to make sure we’re making an annual donation to my school to help give DC a leg up in case he wants to apply someday. DH is dead set against this and thinks I am being ridiculous. I freely admit that I probably am, I just wouldn’t want to have not done something that could have helped DC. Thoughts?


Your DC is not going to want to go to Brown. He's going to want to go to Bama and join a frat.