Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

Doesn’t sound like you are fine with it even though what you described is wedding tradition for like the last 80 years.

Admittedly, much of what counts as the “American way of life” didn’t exist prior to WWII.

Even before the depression, only the Rockefellers of the world had lavish weddings. Children of doctors and lawyers just had small weddings with a modest reception in the basement of the church/temple. Adult children rarely lived on their own until married and in fact it was the the norm to have multigenerational households.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a more interesting question. I have been to two full blown Catholic weddings where Father of Bride paid where Bride foolishly got married young out of college in a very short marriage dad paid for that was Annulled by Church with proper grounds. So Bride was officially never married.

The Bride then later when a bit older met her dream guy for life. The Dad paid for both receptions. They bride was not married before as annulled. Groom was never married before. Both still young. The Groom never had a reception and they are eligible for a full Catholic Mass wedding and Bride to wear white as it is fully a first wedding for both.

So in that case Dad paid for two wedding receptions. I think that is fair.

Where's the question in this story?

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

We are South Asians too with a 8-fig net worth, and have much younger kids (boys - 22 and 20). We are paying the usual - private college, setup first apartment, downpayments for car and house. No way am I spending $350K for a wedding though.. Maybe $100K each when the time comes? Not sure..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a more interesting question. I have been to two full blown Catholic weddings where Father of Bride paid where Bride foolishly got married young out of college in a very short marriage dad paid for that was Annulled by Church with proper grounds. So Bride was officially never married.

The Bride then later when a bit older met her dream guy for life. The Dad paid for both receptions. They bride was not married before as annulled. Groom was never married before. Both still young. The Groom never had a reception and they are eligible for a full Catholic Mass wedding and Bride to wear white as it is fully a first wedding for both.

So in that case Dad paid for two wedding receptions. I think that is fair.

Where's the question in this story?

Anonymous wrote:We have sons and daughters. We have paid for college/grad school and so far wedding for one DD. The groom’s family did not offer to help pay for anything for the wedding, but did host a welcome party. Cost-wise, those two events were not at all comparable, the wedding was more than 10x the cost of the welcome party. We are fine contributing to all kids’ weddings, but we are lucky and can afford it. Our experience cemented for us that we will not treat our sons differently - I did not like that it was assumed we would pay (my DD did not feel entitled to this and was extremely appreciative throughout the process).

I do think in UMC families in the DMV the bride’s family still usually pays for the entire wedding, and all three families I know who hosted in the last year or are currently planning mention $250k as the “number.” Of course, some of these weddings are for 250 or more guests. It’s an absurd amount of money and I find myself hoping these are lasting marriages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

Sedan? How oddly specific.

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. I had an advanced degree and a career when I married DH. Unless you're marrying off your kids fresh out of college, why on earth are you paying for their party?

Because it's tradition, and it's an act of love. I appreciate that my parents gave me a beautiful wedding and I will do the same for my children.

Anonymous wrote:Here is a more interesting question. I have been to two full blown Catholic weddings where Father of Bride paid where Bride foolishly got married young out of college in a very short marriage dad paid for that was Annulled by Church with proper grounds. So Bride was officially never married.

The Bride then later when a bit older met her dream guy for life. The Dad paid for both receptions. They bride was not married before as annulled. Groom was never married before. Both still young. The Groom never had a reception and they are eligible for a full Catholic Mass wedding and Bride to wear white as it is fully a first wedding for both.

So in that case Dad paid for two wedding receptions. I think that is fair.