Anonymous
Post 08/08/2025 17:43     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Consider your children first.


Which means divorce
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2025 17:41     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Chime in with your thoughts and experience.


Divorced and coparenting with a high income narcissist and abuser is actually worse than being married to the same one.



Gosh this is so close to true for me. I can finally say it’s better but only because I’ve adapted to his post separation abuse in similar ways as I adapted to his marital abuse. 14 years of marriage, 8 of post-

I’d rather be divorced even with the post separation abuse- especially as my kids approach adulthood and are equipped to make choices.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2025 17:33     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a divorced man I'll say crappy marriage. My blood work 3 months post divorce was incredibly good. My stamina at the gym was better. The time I spend with my kids is so much better I am more present. I no longer have to wake up in the morning stressing over the next crap she is going to complain about.

My exs life on the hand is in shamble. I am not rejoicing because she is the mother of my children. But I am not surprised either. When someone is convinced 100% that the other person is the source of their misery instead doing a introspection to see they have a part on their own misery too, a divorce is a good reality check for them.


I mean, WTF were you doing that whole time? Sounds like you were the problem.


LOL. Sounds like my ex. He just shows up for weekends and vacations. Super easy to be present when you don't have to handle any of the routine.


HA. Yep, sounds like my ex, too.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2025 12:26     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a divorced man I'll say crappy marriage. My blood work 3 months post divorce was incredibly good. My stamina at the gym was better. The time I spend with my kids is so much better I am more present. I no longer have to wake up in the morning stressing over the next crap she is going to complain about.

My exs life on the hand is in shamble. I am not rejoicing because she is the mother of my children. But I am not surprised either. When someone is convinced 100% that the other person is the source of their misery instead doing a introspection to see they have a part on their own misery too, a divorce is a good reality check for them.

I mean, WTF were you doing that whole time? Sounds like you were the problem.


LOL. Sounds like my ex. He just shows up for weekends and vacations. Super easy to be present when you don't have to handle any of the routine.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2025 12:06     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?

Hard to say. Happiness is mostly within you. If you truly can’t stand to be around the other person or they are abusing you or negatively affecting your self esteem or actively interfering with your pursuit of happiness, I think divorce is better. That said it won’t make you happy per se. It will take away a significant stressor. But then it brings new ones like financial worries or loneliness.

So idk it’s so individual and tbh both are shitty choices.

Far better to marry once to someone good and cherish that person like he/she is the most valuable treasure on the planet..:more important than anyone (including kids) or anything (yes money or job) else.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2025 09:46     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Chime in with your thoughts and experience.


Divorced and coparenting with a high income narcissist and abuser is actually worse than being married to the same one.


This.

But either scenario is horrible. Basically, hitching your wagon to someone like that is a life-ruiner no matter how you slice it.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:49     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
I feel better about myself and I'm less lonely now that I'm divorced. I've also gotten closer to my kids. My kids were in college when we divorced and money hasn't been a big problem.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:48     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:Crappy marriage because she can take everything from me in a divorce.


What state? Tell me so I can move there.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:47     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Crappy marriage because she can take everything from me in a divorce.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:45     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:I'll caution those who are so quick to say that divorce is bad for kids. My parents divorced when I was 14. I am 38 today and we just celebrated our 10th anniversary. I will argue with anyone who will say that they had a better childhood than I did because my parents were divorced.

Well… go ahead and argue because you haven’t made any arguments here. Tell us why.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:45     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:As a divorced man I'll say crappy marriage. My blood work 3 months post divorce was incredibly good. My stamina at the gym was better. The time I spend with my kids is so much better I am more present. I no longer have to wake up in the morning stressing over the next crap she is going to complain about.

My exs life on the hand is in shamble. I am not rejoicing because she is the mother of my children. But I am not surprised either. When someone is convinced 100% that the other person is the source of their misery instead doing a introspection to see they have a part on their own misery too, a divorce is a good reality check for them.

I mean, WTF were you doing that whole time? Sounds like you were the problem.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:44     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
I'll caution those who are so quick to say that divorce is bad for kids. My parents divorced when I was 14. I am 38 today and we just celebrated our 10th anniversary. I will argue with anyone who will say that they had a better childhood than I did because my parents were divorced.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:37     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
As a divorced man I'll say crappy marriage. My blood work 3 months post divorce was incredibly good. My stamina at the gym was better. The time I spend with my kids is so much better I am more present. I no longer have to wake up in the morning stressing over the next crap she is going to complain about.

My exs life on the hand is in shamble. I am not rejoicing because she is the mother of my children. But I am not surprised either. When someone is convinced 100% that the other person is the source of their misery instead doing a introspection to see they have a part on their own misery too, a divorce is a good reality check for them.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:24     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:c'mon, it completely depends on the situation.
Mine- divorce is 100 times worse.


Why is it 100 times worse than your crappy marriage?
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2025 22:23     Subject: What’s worst divorced or crappy marriage?
Anonymous wrote:Which is worse completely depends on the circumstances. My parents divorced when I was an adult and the past 15 or so years of their marriage were pretty crappy. But I think it was better for all of us that they waited.

By the time I was in high school, they lived largely separate lives and slept in separate bedrooms. But, they rarely fought around us and were civil/ friendly towards one another.

Other than coaching our sports teams, my dad was not an active or involved parent. My mom did all of the other parenting responsibilities and did them well. If my siblings and I suddenly started spending half of our time with just my dad, it wouldn’t have been great for him or us. It also was better financially. My mom was a SAH mom and then went back to school to earn her masters when I was in HS. She then started a successful career and was financially independent by the time they divorced which made the divorce easier. That said, if they had argued often or had a lot of ongoing conflict, I probably would feel differently.


What kind of masters and career did your mom pursue? I’m potentially in that boat and collect success stories whenever I can.