Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a timeframe you expect it done by and declare what consequence will happen if it isn’t. Then follow through with the consequence. If it continues raise the consequence and enforce that. With teens being open ended rarely works.

And what consequences would you suggest for a 19 year old? Spanking? ;)

Phone is not an option (he needs it for work, but I can turn off digital at night, but there’s still wifi).

What else?

Think, what does your 19 need from you? Car usage, a ride, tuition, WiFi, dinner, etc

You can turn off wifi, cable, and cell data (phone text only) all day until chores are done. They are treating your house like a hotel.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

I’m not going to die on this hill, but I’m not going to do these damned dishes. I will break them of this habit. One is already in college and had his own kitchen so I know he knows what to do, and the younger one is an extremely disciplined kid who is also a clean freak. He knows what to do too. And neither is at any risk of not moving out. They’re both very accomplished kids, but I’ve realized they both think that’s all they have to do, and that they don’t think contributing around our home is their responsibility.

I just have to stick with it.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

What the heck? No they won’t learn. I’ve had plenty of roommates in college and in my 20s who never once cleaned. Plenty of my friends dated guys like this.

Chores actually have a lot more to them than just the chore itself. It’s responsibility, respect for belongings and caring for others.

Shut off the internet.

What a terrible mom. Poor kids and DH. They deserve better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a timeframe you expect it done by and declare what consequence will happen if it isn’t. Then follow through with the consequence. If it continues raise the consequence and enforce that. With teens being open ended rarely works.

And what consequences would you suggest for a 19 year old? Spanking? ;)

Phone is not an option (he needs it for work, but I can turn off digital at night, but there’s still wifi).

What else?

Think, what does your 19 need from you? Car usage, a ride, tuition, WiFi, dinner, etc

I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

Anonymous wrote:So wait you are not doing dishes and there are two male teenagers involved? No husband?

You expect the two teenagers to work it out between themselves on who’s doing the dishes?

If all of this is true, I think you need to assign days.

Op.
Nope, I’m not doing the dishes. I initially assigned each one a task (you empty, you fill) but told them they were free to switch and bargain as long as it gets done. That’s totally reasonable. They are not babies. So yes, I do expect two teenagers to figure this out. Both kids are highly disciplined and accomplished in their areas of interest, so I realize this is NOT a frontal lobe executive function development issue as someone suggested, it’s pure ‘mom will take care of this for us’. And it’s going to end this summer

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my kids were alternating taking care of the dishwasher emptying but they sleep later than me and always want to do it"later" so it's annoying to have dirty dishes pile up with no place to go.

I may switch them to different chores but I'm not sure which ones.

My tweens had plenty of chores, but my teens were just too busy and on such unusual schedules for it not to end in situations like this that annoyed me (even the nagging or having to impose consequences annoyed me).

The one thing I still have them do?? A lot of their own laundry -- there is tons of flexibility in WHEN it can be done, and it really doesn't affect me in the slightest.

Op here. My kids do their own laundry. Occasionally one will ask me to do his, but not often. But I’m realizing there is a lot of hidden work that I do that they don’t appreciate (things like running and emptying the dishwasher every single night/AM, making sure the house is stocked with food and essentials, etc) and I want them to understand that this stuff takes time and isn’t ’my job’. They’re adults (or close to it).

OMG OP - did you care about doing any of these things for your parents? They are teens. They have immature pre-frontal lobes and they aren't looking at much empathy for their parents right now. They are getting thru life. Leave a list of chores, not paragraphs or conversations of "why don't you understand me" and have a consequence if the chores aren't done by x time. Praise them when they do the chores and really praise them if they do anything extra. It's not that deep.

Op here. Omg, catch up on the thread, lady! They are older teens, one has been in his own apartment even, and they can certainly figure this out! I’ve given them a timeline and they blew it. As far as consequences for a 19 year old who needs his phone for work, what do you suggest?

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw, I hate laundry and dishwasher and wait until the very last moment possible before I force myself to do them.

And my teens don't care about walking into a messy /stacked dirty dishes . It bothers me, but neither of them (nor dh for that matter).

Op. My kids do their laundry. My older kid has been away at school so he’s pretty good about laundry and he can even cook a little. But he’s a slob and probably won’t care if there are dishes when he comes home.

My younger one does his own laundry but expects gourmet meals every night. He’s very clean and disciplined and I know the dishes will bother him. Let’s see how much!

So wait you are not doing dishes and there are two male teenagers involved? No husband?

You expect the two teenagers to work it out between themselves on who’s doing the dishes?

If all of this is true, I think you need to assign days.

If your kids are older teens and have never really stepped up or experienced consequences I think you may have a tougher time. If they know nothing is really going to happen they’re not going to step up now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my kids were alternating taking care of the dishwasher emptying but they sleep later than me and always want to do it"later" so it's annoying to have dirty dishes pile up with no place to go.

I may switch them to different chores but I'm not sure which ones.

My tweens had plenty of chores, but my teens were just too busy and on such unusual schedules for it not to end in situations like this that annoyed me (even the nagging or having to impose consequences annoyed me).

The one thing I still have them do?? A lot of their own laundry -- there is tons of flexibility in WHEN it can be done, and it really doesn't affect me in the slightest.

Op here. My kids do their own laundry. Occasionally one will ask me to do his, but not often. But I’m realizing there is a lot of hidden work that I do that they don’t appreciate (things like running and emptying the dishwasher every single night/AM, making sure the house is stocked with food and essentials, etc) and I want them to understand that this stuff takes time and isn’t ’my job’. They’re adults (or close to it).

OMG OP - did you care about doing any of these things for your parents? They are teens. They have immature pre-frontal lobes and they aren't looking at much empathy for their parents right now. They are getting thru life. Leave a list of chores, not paragraphs or conversations of "why don't you understand me" and have a consequence if the chores aren't done by x time. Praise them when they do the chores and really praise them if they do anything extra. It's not that deep.

Anonymous wrote:What deadline did you give? By the start of the next meal? Before they head-out to meet up with friends? By COB?

End of day. Didn’t happen. Everyone had separate meal plans yesterday.

Fwiw, I hate laundry and dishwasher and wait until the very last moment possible before I force myself to do them.

And my teens don't care about walking into a messy /stacked dirty dishes . It bothers me, but neither of them (nor dh for that matter).