Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

NP. I feel that everybody should have a pre-nup because it’s essentially forced financial counseling in advance of marriage and gets issues out that might remain hidden otherwise. This is a situation where you had better be very clear your expectations are aligned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SO and I are late 20s. I'm in tech, earn and saved well. Net worth is approaching $1M (no house). SO is in medical residency, has close to no net worth and will likely be in that state (specialization, etc.) for a while. We currently live together, vibe well and talking about marriage. I foot all the bills (except for share of rent which SO's parents pay).

Assuming we get married, once SO starts working, I'll have to take a secondary role - move to where their job would be, be the primary caregiver for any kids, step down on my career track, etc. all of which I'm OK with. At the same time I'm concerned (having see it happen) that if we were to get divorced at some point, I'd end up splitting my net worth prior to marriage and get close to nothing from SO's savings. SO does come from a wealthy family (only child) and is set to inherit a lot more than what I would inherit or save.

Wondering if I should consider a pre-nup.. Would growth on my net worth also be covered by the pre-nup typically? Looking for thoughts from folks who may have gone through a similar situation before.

I don’t see anything special about the above, needing a prenup.

Doctors are in school until age 30, finance and tech people make increasingly good money, both will be high income in ages 30-45.

Sounds like a good team.

Asking for a prenup sounds pretentious and stupid. Keep your previous bank accounts and assets separate if you are so worried about your future options.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

Yeah when he updated with his "medium view" prenup we could all tell he's not in this completely. Don't get married looking for a Plan B or an escape route. that just sucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Hi OP - I have two thoughts on your situation.

1) if you are thinking these thoughts about a pre-nup, you are not really in love with this woman and probably should not get married. I bet you will get divorced.

2). Your plan to "step back" from your career and take care of the kids sounds pretty dumb. Do you not have motivation to maximize your potential in life?

I'm not very impressed with the way you have described yourself and your future.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone arguing against prenups simply don’t understand the law. It’s smart for both sides.

Anonymous wrote:If you do a pre-nup and he starts making bank, when you divorce do you get your measly $1M only because you insisted on that?

Anonymous wrote:SO and I are late 20s. I'm in tech, earn and saved well. Net worth is approaching $1M (no house). SO is in medical residency, has close to no net worth and will likely be in that state (specialization, etc.) for a while. We currently live together, vibe well and talking about marriage. I foot all the bills (except for share of rent which SO's parents pay).

Assuming we get married, once SO starts working, I'll have to take a secondary role - move to where their job would be, be the primary caregiver for any kids, step down on my career track, etc. all of which I'm OK with. At the same time I'm concerned (having see it happen) that if we were to get divorced at some point, I'd end up splitting my net worth prior to marriage and get close to nothing from SO's savings. SO does come from a wealthy family (only child) and is set to inherit a lot more than what I would inherit or save.

Wondering if I should consider a pre-nup.. Would growth on my net worth also be covered by the pre-nup typically? Looking for thoughts from folks who may have gone through a similar situation before.