Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

It is not an impossible situation. You just want an expensive life (multiple kids, nyc, private school, no commute, a vacation house) and your husband is unemployed. One of those things needs to give or he needs to get a job.

^valid point.

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

It is not an impossible situation. You just want an expensive life (multiple kids, nyc, private school, no commute, a vacation house) and your husband is unemployed. One of those things needs to give or he needs to get a job.

We did private high school only for 2 kids, and parochial, so ~28K (all in, fees, etc) for one and ~33K for the other.

We started at about 350K HHI, and now at 425K with one kid still in high school. And I find it hard to carve out the money - my DC is also very involved in a travel sport so, that's spendy, too. Our mortgage is semi-highish - 4K a month.

My DH finds it frustrating that at 425K he should be able to do whatever he wants to do but we do have to plan and save and make choices. We're not going to Europe or going on long vacations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

The issue is you seem to live in a shitty school district. If you live in a good place, this wouldn't be an issue - because the public schools get the good kids, and the troubled kids go to the private schools who can deal with them. Which is basically how it is in the DC area for families that live in the W neighborhoods.

Most of nyc is a not great school district. There are some good zoned elementary publics and a very very few lottery middle schools and maybe 6 good city wide test in high schools. The difference between nyc private school kids and public is huge. Property taxes are higher in the burbs to support better schools but the shortest commute will be at least an hour each way.

^ I should also note that most people we know with multiple children chose parochial at half the price. They are happy with it. Some also do public which are better here than in the city.

OP didn’t really want to hear my opinion earlier, but I will try again….nicer and with more personal context this time.

So, we make a combined $1M in a VHCOL market. We have one child, only own a primary residence, but that primary home has over $1M in equity. Outside of that, we have ~$4M in cash/stocks. I don’t at all consider us wealthy, but we are comfortable and can purchase most of what we want, but not everything.

Our family has one DC, and their private is in the low 60’s. I hold a demanding C level position, and commute to the city 4x weekly and travel for work occasionally, but I’m fortunate that my spouse works very close to home. We used to live in the city and we chose to move when DC was getting to be school aged. It was probably the smartest choice we ever made as a family, and everyone is happy with it.

YMMV, and we all have different tolerances of what we will do for the sake of the family, but I wouldn’t rule out a similar path.

How old are your kids OP? I get the impression they are already elementary aged or older. What have you been doing for their education up until now?

I spend roughly $65K for four children on a combined $210K income, so theoretically $300K?

More realistically, for someone who has already lifestyle crept and in a fabulously expensive city, maybe $400K+, and that still probably has significant compromises to what you have come to expect. Otherwise, move if you can, but I can appreciate why you can't -- at that level of income, your job is probably extremely demanding and minimizing the commute is critical.

I would still look for a cheaper private. Much of the high tuition for fancy independent schools goes into the "fancy" part, not the "school" part. Find a school -- religious or non- -- that invests relatively more on the education side.

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

The issue is you seem to live in a shitty school district. If you live in a good place, this wouldn't be an issue - because the public schools get the good kids, and the troubled kids go to the private schools who can deal with them. Which is basically how it is in the DC area for families that live in the W neighborhoods.

With that income level, yes I would spend that kind of money for school, assuming you can handle the cashflow. What’s the point of making that kind of income if not to benefit your kids?

$65k per child per year is aristocratic tutoring money

https://erikhoel.substack.com/p/why-we-stopped-making-einsteins

Anonymous wrote:1. Each school fee is $65k
2. There are no good public options near you and would require moving to access.
3. Moving would then require commuting to work.

Assuming you have about $1m in savings.

Your answers will help me hugely to make a decision!

If I was rich enough to afford that, I would either move somewhere with better public schools / cheaper good privates or put the money into homeschooling with one on one, a la carte instruction from experts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:65k, per year, per kid? That is insane. We make 7 figures and I would not even consider this. I would homeschool K-6. You would do an equal or better job compared to even the best school for the elementary ages with some research and planning.

How would you both homeschool and hold down a 7 figure job?

Only one parent would need to stay home and homeschool. In my case, I am already a SAHP and spouse makes the income. I don’t know what OPs situation is, but if there is already a SAHP or one parent make significantly less income, I think homeschool could be a great option when compared to 65k per yr per kid, maybe not through 12th grade, but at least through elementary

You could not pay me to homeschool. Nor do I think it’s good for kids.

+1

Op - thanks for the above. It’s really an impossible situation.

We have 2 x properties worth a combined $3.5m. $1m in savings including 401ks. We Airbnb one of the properties but it’s v seasonal.. I had hoped to make up one of the kids tuitions that way but we at least invest that money (we make about $20-30k a year on it and use it a ton ourselves bc we have a small apt in the city)

I really don’t know which path to take

We make 500K in a low COLA, with house just about paid off, and I would not feel comfortable with this expense for more than one child. We also do not want to work forever and hope to cut back (but still pull in about 250) in our early 50s, so ymmv. What does 1m in savings mean? Does that mean on top of well-funded retirement/529? That definitely helps move the needle, especially if you think DH will be able to find a job soon.

I left NYC 20 years ago so cannot comment on the school scene (and I can't believe what types of commutes I used to consider "normal") but as a mom of school aged children, I also wouldn't want to have an hour+ commute each day plus a demanding job. Commute would be my #1 priority. You may still need to move, but I would try to stay under a 30 minute commute.

In your shoes, we would send to parochial school, at least for, sasy, K-3. We sent our kids to a year at a traditional evangelical school during Covid (K, 2nd, and 4th) and it was completely fine, even though the pedagogy and religious values were different than what they had been exposed to. Most of it at that age is about learning to be a nice person and learning to sit respectfully in chapel, which is a good practice kids don't get enough exposure to. They will not indoctrinate your children if you are not teaching the same thing at home.

Hopefully it will work with magnet schools, but with a less than 7 figure HHI - 110K in tuition costs is eye watering.