Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:38     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not OP or PP, but it seems entitled to complain that your parents don't help with a down payment when you acknowledge you have good salaries and your parents help with college for your kids. You realize that most people have to save for a down payment and college, right?


I'm not complaining. I'm noting.

And, I know very few people who did not receive some form of assistance from their parents. Hell, my parents got $5k from my grandparents in 1971 for their downpayment. My parents have been extremely generous, but there was never a discussion about in what way--I can't complain (and haven't) that they've already financed by kid's college education in advance, but I think that if 12 years ago, they had given me 1/3 of what they have put into our kid's college accounts, I would own a nice house and would be pretty heftily be paying into a 529. But they didn't.

I'm just commenting on the weirdness of it. When talking to my peers, a lot of them are really stressed about how to pay for college and are unhappy they can't send their kids to private school... but they own homes I can't imagine ever owning. I wonder who, in the end, is better off. I think, financially speaking, they are... but I don't regret prioritizing my kid's education.


You know a very small and homogenous slice of society, then.

And fantasizing about how someone else could have more optimally gifted you a huge sum of money is… odd.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:37     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you are living well beyond your means. I’m not sure what you want here. Most people with two “good careers” can afford a house, including a down payment. You seem very entitled which may be your parents’ “reason.”

Lol, do you live in DC? All the 3br homes that came up for sale in our neighborhood in the past two years were well over $1.5M no matter the condition or size.


If OP/spouse actually have "two good careers" they could easily afford a house in lieu of pricey private school payments. OP clearly feels insecure about not owning a home and was seeking validation for his unusual choices. Most people don't sacrifice home ownership for private school. Obviously it happens but it's not common at all. Neither is waiting to buy a house until your parents die and leave you the money to do it.


I could afford a home in lieu of pricey private school payments, but I want my kids to get a good education... I'm prioritizing their education over my real estate ownership.

I talk to a lot of parents who complain about their local public schools and jump through all kinds of hoops to try to wedge themselves into a school district they think is the right one but plead they can't afford private school for their kids. Well, you live in a $1.7m house in upper NW DC—you're not broke, you just prioritized home ownership over your kid's education.


If you intentionally wedge yourself into a good school district in a rich neighborhood, it sounds like you have prioritized your kid's education as well as home ownership.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:19     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not OP or PP, but it seems entitled to complain that your parents don't help with a down payment when you acknowledge you have good salaries and your parents help with college for your kids. You realize that most people have to save for a down payment and college, right?


I'm not complaining. I'm noting.

And, I know very few people who did not receive some form of assistance from their parents. Hell, my parents got $5k from my grandparents in 1971 for their downpayment. My parents have been extremely generous, but there was never a discussion about in what way--I can't complain (and haven't) that they've already financed by kid's college education in advance, but I think that if 12 years ago, they had given me 1/3 of what they have put into our kid's college accounts, I would own a nice house and would be pretty heftily be paying into a 529. But they didn't.

I'm just commenting on the weirdness of it. When talking to my peers, a lot of them are really stressed about how to pay for college and are unhappy they can't send their kids to private school... but they own homes I can't imagine ever owning. I wonder who, in the end, is better off. I think, financially speaking, they are... but I dont regret prioritize my kid's education.
I guess it depends, and I can see both sides of it. I dont think either way is "weird". I grew up middle-class. I don't talk to most people I know about their money, or if their parents gave them any, but for my handful of close friends that we do have these types of conversations, none of them got money from their families for down payments or anything else.

I bought a very modest house (1600 sq ft in DC). I raised my kids in this house, and it's been about 20 years, so we are almost done paying the mortgage off. Our mortgage is $1200/mo, and the people that I know who are renters are paying much more than that. So I feel like I made a wise decision. I didn't save anything for my kids' college, but that doesn't mean I didn't prioritize it. We talked about a budget, and we researched schools that fell within our limit. We researched and applied for grants and were able to receive several. My oldest went to a school that was 20k/yr. He got financial aid, and each semester we paid the remaining balance due after aid and grants. He graduated owing 10k in loans. My youngest is going to trade school. I am big on public schools and never wished my kid went to private.

My kids will own this home when my husband and I die one day, and that makes me feel good to know I will be able to pass down a property to my kids. My parents didn't have anything to pass down to me, and neither did my husbands. They were also never in a position to be able to help us financially.

I have zero regrets.


Yeah, you won the real estate lottery by moving to DC —and having $1200/month—when a house could be had for that. Someone who came five yeras later couldn't do that.

I've thought about it alot but what we should have done when we moved to DC 20 years ago, when I was in grad school and the wife was looking for a job—is over-extend ourself on a loan for a condo (maybe fudge a few numbers because they were handing out mortgages like candy), begged borrowed and stole to keep up with the payments for a few years.

The condos across the street from where we lived when I was in grad school could be had for $275-375k at the time, and five years later were selling for $500k. At that point, an upper NW rowhouse could be had for $750k, and I could have probably nailed down a $1200/month mortgage with my post-grad school career and whatever we could get out of the increased value of the condo. Today, the house would be worth $1.3m and my kids would be inheriting it.

But I thought it was a bad idea to borrow that much even if banks would give it. And honestly, I also know people who went bankrupt trying to buy at that point in their life.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:13     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:What’s your point?


That she’s a trust fund baby whose grandparents are funding her kids’ college. Let the rich get richer.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:13     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not OP or PP, but it seems entitled to complain that your parents don't help with a down payment when you acknowledge you have good salaries and your parents help with college for your kids. You realize that most people have to save for a down payment and college, right?


I'm not complaining. I'm noting.

And, I know very few people who did not receive some form of assistance from their parents. Hell, my parents got $5k from my grandparents in 1971 for their downpayment. My parents have been extremely generous, but there was never a discussion about in what way--I can't complain (and haven't) that they've already financed by kid's college education in advance, but I think that if 12 years ago, they had given me 1/3 of what they have put into our kid's college accounts, I would own a nice house and would be pretty heftily be paying into a 529. But they didn't.

I'm just commenting on the weirdness of it. When talking to my peers, a lot of them are really stressed about how to pay for college and are unhappy they can't send their kids to private school... but they own homes I can't imagine ever owning. I wonder who, in the end, is better off. I think, financially speaking, they are... but I dont regret prioritize my kid's education.
I guess it depends, and I can see both sides of it. I dont think either way is "weird". I grew up middle-class. I don't talk to most people I know about their money, or if their parents gave them any, but for my handful of close friends that we do have these types of conversations, none of them got money from their families for down payments or anything else.

I bought a very modest house (1600 sq ft in DC). I raised my kids in this house, and it's been about 20 years, so we are almost done paying the mortgage off. Our mortgage is $1200/mo, and the people that I know who are renters are paying much more than that. So I feel like I made a wise decision. I didn't save anything for my kids' college, but that doesn't mean I didn't prioritize it. We talked about a budget, and we researched schools that fell within our limit. We researched and applied for grants and were able to receive several. My oldest went to a school that was 20k/yr. He got financial aid, and each semester we paid the remaining balance due after aid and grants. He graduated owing 10k in loans. My youngest is going to trade school. I am big on public schools and never wished my kid went to private.

My kids will own this home when my husband and I die one day, and that makes me feel good to know I will be able to pass down a property to my kids. My parents didn't have anything to pass down to me, and neither did my husbands. They were also never in a position to be able to help us financially.

I have zero regrets.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:12     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
You are in a very elite group if most of your friends get help for their down payment. That is so not the norm. My husband and I were raised in more modest households than you (mine was lower middle class and his was upper middle class), paid back our students loans, paid for our wedding, saved for a downpayment, save for college (our kid is 15). We did get a car from his father when he passed. I think that our upbringings is more common than yours OP. I think you'd be happier if you realized how lucky you are instead of complaining about your parents.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:05     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:I appreciate op’s post, which distracted me for 10 seconds imagining her life and future cash bought house.


Well, what kind of 57 year old gets a 30 year mortgage. Not me. It's going to be cash bought or nothing.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:04     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
I appreciate op’s post, which distracted me for 10 seconds imagining her life and future cash bought house.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 15:01     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:Did/do you use your expendable cash to buy bitcoin? Did you invest in Apple in 1999? How does your retirement look? How much is in savings? What type of rental are you in? Condo, rowhome, rancher, cape cod, garden apartment, basement, single family, boathouse.

Just curious.


I wouldn't buy Bitcoin with your money, I bought Netflix in 2003, my retirement is pretty good—wife's is a bit fuller, but we max out contributions to 401k. We rent a three bedroom house in upper NW and have savings to cover 18 months rent. Truthfully we are slowly stashing away money for a downpayment, but prices are rising faster than our savings and we prioritize our kid's education and retirement.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 14:57     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Did/do you use your expendable cash to buy bitcoin? Did you invest in Apple in 1999? How does your retirement look? How much is in savings? What type of rental are you in? Condo, rowhome, rancher, cape cod, garden apartment, basement, single family, boathouse.

Just curious.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 14:53     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not OP or PP, but it seems entitled to complain that your parents don't help with a down payment when you acknowledge you have good salaries and your parents help with college for your kids. You realize that most people have to save for a down payment and college, right?


I'm not complaining. I'm noting.

And, I know very few people who did not receive some form of assistance from their parents. Hell, my parents got $5k from my grandparents in 1971 for their downpayment. My parents have been extremely generous, but there was never a discussion about in what way--I can't complain (and haven't) that they've already financed by kid's college education in advance, but I think that if 12 years ago, they had given me 1/3 of what they have put into our kid's college accounts, I would own a nice house and would be pretty heftily be paying into a 529. But they didn't.

I'm just commenting on the weirdness of it. When talking to my peers, a lot of them are really stressed about how to pay for college and are unhappy they can't send their kids to private school... but they own homes I can't imagine ever owning. I wonder who, in the end, is better off. I think, financially speaking, they are... but I don't regret prioritizing my kid's education.


I don’t know anyone at the private schools who is a renter who is not on significant FA…like nearly 100%.

On the other hand, I do know homeowners with decent two fed incomes that receive like 60% FA.

OP…you could have had the best of both worlds as I am pretty sure the privates don’t look at home equity for FA.


Well, my next thread for another rainy day would be that all of the people whining about how they cant' afford to send their kids to private should really just apply and see what happens and not assume. At least at the schools where our kids go, it's a formula and what you get is based on who else is applying and while (we think) we could afford full freight, we actually get some financial aid. As long as there are richer people, you might wind up getting something. But that's a separate convo.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 14:52     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not OP or PP, but it seems entitled to complain that your parents don't help with a down payment when you acknowledge you have good salaries and your parents help with college for your kids. You realize that most people have to save for a down payment and college, right?


I'm not complaining. I'm noting.

And, I know very few people who did not receive some form of assistance from their parents. Hell, my parents got $5k from my grandparents in 1971 for their downpayment. My parents have been extremely generous, but there was never a discussion about in what way--I can't complain (and haven't) that they've already financed by kid's college education in advance, but I think that if 12 years ago, they had given me 1/3 of what they have put into our kid's college accounts, I would own a nice house and would be pretty heftily be paying into a 529. But they didn't.

I'm just commenting on the weirdness of it. When talking to my peers, a lot of them are really stressed about how to pay for college and are unhappy they can't send their kids to private school... but they own homes I can't imagine ever owning. I wonder who, in the end, is better off. I think, financially speaking, they are... but I don't regret prioritizing my kid's education.


I don’t know anyone at the private schools who is a renter who is not on significant FA…like nearly 100%.

On the other hand, I do know homeowners with decent two fed incomes that receive like 60% FA.

OP…you could have had the best of both worlds as I am pretty sure the privates don’t look at home equity for FA.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 14:22     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So many nasty people on here.

Home-ownership is NOT the goal in life. If OP is living a nice life, and giving her kids a nice life, it doesn't matter at all whether they rent or own.

Stop it with this idea that renting is for the poors, or that renters aren't making the "right" financial decisions.

- homeowner who knows that it's not all what it's cracked up to be.


Agree home ownership is not required for a happy life.

But OP called someone a turd. He is nasty.



+1
S/he had no question, no point to the posting. When someone asked, s/he insulted. What a strange person.


OP here. I posted my comment and the first reaction from some DCUM scumbag was "What's your point?" I played along and explained that I'm just chatting about what seems like a unique situation. The lady responded "Why are you posting?" and then has spent the next day complaining about being called a turd, which is a pretty lightweight putdown for what gets said around here. I worry for their sanity that they care so much about all of this.

OTOH, I appreciate the perspective other people have brought. Why buy a home and when buying a home isn't for everyone is an interesting convo. I'm glad I posted, not sorry I called that troll a turd, and don't believe anyone but the troll and their sockpuppets care.


Agree it’s an interesting conversation. Too bad you couldn’t have it w/o insults.





time to move on
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 14:22     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:Not OP or PP, but it seems entitled to complain that your parents don't help with a down payment when you acknowledge you have good salaries and your parents help with college for your kids. You realize that most people have to save for a down payment and college, right?


I'm not complaining. I'm noting.

And, I know very few people who did not receive some form of assistance from their parents. Hell, my parents got $5k from my grandparents in 1971 for their downpayment. My parents have been extremely generous, but there was never a discussion about in what way--I can't complain (and haven't) that they've already financed by kid's college education in advance, but I think that if 12 years ago, they had given me 1/3 of what they have put into our kid's college accounts, I would own a nice house and would be pretty heftily be paying into a 529. But they didn't.

I'm just commenting on the weirdness of it. When talking to my peers, a lot of them are really stressed about how to pay for college and are unhappy they can't send their kids to private school... but they own homes I can't imagine ever owning. I wonder who, in the end, is better off. I think, financially speaking, they are... but I don't regret prioritizing my kid's education.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2025 14:21     Subject: 44, I don’t own a house but kids are in private and college is paid for…
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So many nasty people on here.

Home-ownership is NOT the goal in life. If OP is living a nice life, and giving her kids a nice life, it doesn't matter at all whether they rent or own.

Stop it with this idea that renting is for the poors, or that renters aren't making the "right" financial decisions.

- homeowner who knows that it's not all what it's cracked up to be.


Agree home ownership is not required for a happy life.

But OP called someone a turd. He is nasty.



+1
S/he had no question, no point to the posting. When someone asked, s/he insulted. What a strange person.


OP here. I posted my comment and the first reaction from some DCUM scumbag was "What's your point?" I played along and explained that I'm just chatting about what seems like a unique situation. The lady responded "Why are you posting?" and then has spent the next day complaining about being called a turd, which is a pretty lightweight putdown for what gets said around here. I worry for their sanity that they care so much about all of this.

OTOH, I appreciate the perspective other people have brought. Why buy a home and when buying a home isn't for everyone is an interesting convo. I'm glad I posted, not sorry I called that troll a turd, and don't believe anyone but the troll and their sockpuppets care.


Agree it’s an interesting conversation. Too bad you couldn’t have it w/o insults.