Anonymous wrote:People all over the world care for their parents at home. I dont understand this issue and ehy we should be so different. And at some point won't robots do a lot of this care anyway?

I don't know which other countries you're talking about but there's a lot of variability. Our middle class relatives and friends in South America care for their aging parents in home but they also have housekeepers who come every day and do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Plus nurses who come to administer medicine and do other tasks that would cost thousands of dollars here. That's unheard of for anyone solidly middle class in this country and even a lot of UMC families.

Anonymous wrote:This thread simply reinforces my desire to die or be able to end my life before I end up in any stage or memory care.

Honestly, what are we doing as a society.

My MIL's sister is in one of these places. No one can visit her without becoming emotionally shaken because it's so depressing.

I agree it's a slow motion death. So cruel. We wouldn't put our pets through this type of end of life. There should be options.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you posted this, I don’t think people realize how expensive it is.
We really need to consider universal healthcare, and universal nursing home care.

What is the point of keeping people with dementia who are bedridden and in diapers alive? I ask in all seriousness. Would anyone want to live like that?

What other option is there?

At present, none.

I realize we have major cultural barriers to any sort of death with dignity movement, but I think it's a conversation to be had. There's no reason that we can't have detailed end of life plans, like if I am at stage X of dementia and am bedridden and no longer have bowel and bladder control I authorize withdrawal of nutrition and hydration with palliative care for suffering as I die.

Even countries that have death with dignity for dementia patients, like Switzerland, require that the death happens while the patient is still doing relatively well/can consent. My mom, who’s newly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, would love to consent now to have it happen when she can no longer care for herself, but that’s not an option anywhere in the world.

People all over the world care for their parents at home. I dont understand this issue and ehy we should be so different. And at some point won't robots do a lot of this care anyway?

You say that she is "burning up a lifetime of savings "but what was the money saved for then? If she's already elderly, then it doesn't sound like she was going to use that money on vacations or material things. Are you upset about what this means for your inheritance? Otherwise, this is what people save up their money for, so they can have care at this level.

It's sad but otherwise what was she saving up the money for?

Watching my parents go through the same made me ironically decide to save up less money and try to enjoy my life now more.

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Anonymous wrote:People are missing the fact that if there was a legal way to euthanize seniors, you'd have POS kids trying to off their parents prematurely so they can get their inheritance.

Honestly there boomers are planning to drain every cent

If the « boomers » you are referring to worked hard and scrimped and saved to have enough to pay for their retirement, why shouldn’t every cent of that money be used for their care? That’s what they saved for, that’s what the money is there for.

We are looking into sending our parent out of the country for memory care to Thailand or Latin America. It’s 1/5 of the price. We can’t afford 15,000 a month and the Medicaid beds seem awful.

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Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a scam you can get a nanny for 50-60k/year

For 8 hours a day …

Nannying is also easier as children are smaller, can be physically controlled so they don't hurt anyone else or themselves, etc.

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Anonymous wrote:Can she live with you and have care in your home?

Much, much more expensive.

Also unreliable to get coverage/care and sometimes very dangerous with dementia patients to the point where the agency won't do it. So you will spend all this money on in home care only to realize you have to do memory care anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are missing the fact that if there was a legal way to euthanize seniors, you'd have POS kids trying to off their parents prematurely so they can get their inheritance.

Honestly there boomers are planning to drain every cent

You still can't murder people. You sound worse than any boomers.

Anonymous wrote:People are missing the fact that if there was a legal way to euthanize seniors, you'd have POS kids trying to off their parents prematurely so they can get their inheritance.

Honestly there boomers are planning to drain every cent

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Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a scam you can get a nanny for 50-60k/year

It's not. Have you ever met an adult? A nanny can change the diaper of a two year old.

But someone who is six feet tall and weighs 200 pounds? It's a lot harder.

The CNAs at my dad's nursing home had to use a winch like device to place him on the toilet, because he would have crushed them otherwise.

Also, that’s not 24/7 care. Even assuming OP has no job, children or other responsibilities and can do a full “shift” everyday on her own, what about the other 16 hours each day?

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

$5k per month? More like $40 per hour. Differential for overtime, holidays and Sundays. More like $5000 per week.

I think if the family is willing to do some care then this is the only way to make it affordable. move mom into the basement and hire elder care for 40 hrs/week. The rest you do yourself. In some families they rotate the elderly parent between houses.

You realize there are 168 hours in a week right? This is a massive burden on adult kids who are also raising their own kids. I hope no parent would ever want to be a burden on their kids. I know I don’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you posted this, I don’t think people realize how expensive it is.
We really need to consider universal healthcare, and universal nursing home care.

What is the point of keeping people with dementia who are bedridden and in diapers alive? I ask in all seriousness. Would anyone want to live like that?

Exactly. PP is delusional and selfish. Why should a shrinking pool of younger people subsidize a massive group of financially unprepared and declining old people? And why are these facilities so expensive? Because it’s a horrible, draining job. No one wants to care for old people with dementia unless they’re paid well. Like many of the other PP’s I’d want to be killed off humanely if I reach this stage.

Paid well? The actual people caring for the patients aren’t paid well at all, which is why nearly all are immigrants.

Deporting all these folks is going to be a disaster for the elder care world.

People are missing the fact that if there was a legal way to euthanize seniors, you'd have POS kids trying to off their parents prematurely so they can get their inheritance.