Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask the mother why the girls were left alone and remind her that it’s not legal.

It’s legal in Maryland. Not sure where you live.
I leave my 9 year old home alone but I would never do it with another child in the house unless I asked.

+1 But, I would not leave my 9 yr old home alone for more than an hour.

And I grew up as a latch key kid since the age of 8.

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Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

It's OK for moms to prioritize their health. It really is.

It really is ok to prioritize the health and safety of 9 year-olds entrusted in your care.

I would provide feedback to the mom, like please let me know next time so I can pick up early. Since there's been several sleepovers she would probably wonder why you suddenly are declining.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

It's OK for moms to prioritize their health. It really is.

It’s not about donuts vs the gym; it’s about leaving the kids alone for an hr+ while you’re at the gym vs 10 mins or less while you run to the grocery store a few blocks away to get donuts (I live 3 mins from grocery store where we get donuts and I would definitely be back in less than 10 mins—we’ve done it many times running to the store quickly)

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the replies in here actually. 9yo are 4th/5th grade absolutely capable of being home alone.

I have never had any 9 year olds in 5th grade.

-former 5th grade teacher

I leave my kids home alone all the time (youngest is now 8, but we started for very short times (less than 10 minutes) at 7. Anyway, I never leave the kids home with friends alone without knowing the kid myself really well, and running it by the parents. This is true of even my oldest who is a teenager. Kids together with friends are WAY less capable of making good decisions.

But…I know I might be an outlier it both leaving my kids home and not leaving friends home without supervision. So I wouldn’t expect another parent to have the same expectations. I think it would be good to have a conversation with this parent about how you were uncomfortable with it and then leave it be

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

It's OK for moms to prioritize their health. It really is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

Your argument that it's OK to leave them alone to get donuts but not OK for the gym is....dumb. It's either OK to leave them or it's not. You could take them along to get donuts if so inclined. You must really like donuts, but hate to break it to you they aren't essential.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I have done this with my boys but they are older, middle school and up.

I remember the first time I left the boys. They must have been 11. I said I had to drive my youngest to preschool and if it was ok to leave them. The parents said of course.

My youngest is 8 and I would never leave her with a friend.

Anonymous wrote:Since you know the mom really well, and the girls have frequent play dates/sleepovers, I would say something. “When I picked DD up, she said the girls were home alone bc you went to the gym. I’m really uncomfortable with this at their age and would prefer to host from now on if you or DH won’t be there at any point.”

You’re going to get a lot of questions from DD and the mom if you suddenly change to only allowing playdates at your house w/ no explanation. Also, it’s okay to state your boundaries on comfort level for your children, no need to dance around this stuff or remain silent.

I would do this.

I will leave mine home alone starting at age 8 alone but just to go around the corner to the store and back. I didn't drive anywhere lest I be in an accident. Older now, but when with friends I ask the parents if they are okay with me going around the corner to the store and leaving them alone for 10 -20 min. And then I do what they say. If the parent says no, then all the kids go with me to the store and back.

They ask me the same thing and ask me if an older child is doing the babysitting. actually, my friends tell me if the dad is now doing the hand off vs. them. Lots of simple communication and we all feel better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really surprised at how many people are totally fine with this, given the other things DCUM posters get up in arms about.

I have another question then. At what age can kids take a small to medium size dog (15-20 lb dog) for a walk alone?

Age 8 if the dog is well behaved and the kid is responsible and it’s a generally nice neighborhood.

I’ve had the Op situation happen but the mom texted me and said “I need to leave at 8 for something — I’m okay letting the girls finish breakfast alone if you’re okay with that but if not can you pick her up by 8? Thanks!” For a short period of time in a safe neighborhood and responsible 9 year olds I would be okay with it but would appreciate the ask.

I remember being left alone at 11 by a friend's mom, and she absolutely informed my mom first. In the '90s!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask the mother why the girls were left alone and remind her that it’s not legal.

It’s legal in Maryland. Not sure where you live.
I leave my 9 year old home alone but I would never do it with another child in the house unless I asked.

It's also legal in VA, where there are guidelines but not laws about leaving kids alone. The guideline says 9 year olds up to 1.5 hours.

I would never do it with a friend in the house, though.