Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, is your friend actually asking men directly what they are looking for when they first start messaging? I know that society historically tells us that women aren't supposed to ask that as to appear too needy and scare a man off, but a man who is looking for a relationship will be honest and say so. A man looking for a hookup may be honest and say so, or he might say he doesnt know what he is looking for, he just wants to wait and see what happens, depends on the woman, etc.
Conversely, is she putting out “just want to have fun” vibes either in her pics or profile or both? If she wants a relationship she needs to own it. The fact that many of her first dates are dancing leads me to believe that she is portraying herself as a party girl/doesnt want anything serious.
Fwiw, I have a good male friend in ftlaud/miami who met his long-term gf on old. They are both normal people (albeit tan and in shape, he much moreso before he moved to S Florida) who found each other. It can happen!!
My cousin. I think she just wants to get her feet wet. She was with one man her entire adult life with only a few teenage boyfriends before that.
Her profile includes a photo of her in a bikini, which surprised me but she said everyone wears bikinis there. It isn’t a sexy shot, just showing that she isn’t out of shape, but maybe it’s attracting men who only want sex.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Married man over 50 here:
While I’m not dating and not in the market, I’ve talked about what I would do if (god forbid) something happened to DW.
First of all, there’s no second marriage. Period. I want to hang out and have fun, which includes sex. If you don’t want those things or you do want to get married, I’m not for you.
Also, a PP is right. Where women had the advantage in their late teens and 20’s, that dynamic slowly shifts in the opposite direction over time and age. While the other PP who says older women are juggling 5 men on the apps may be right about some, I know that’s not universally true.
The endgame isn’t necessarily sex on the first date, but men in their 50’s have greater agency in their choices.
I’m a 48 y.o. woman, have been on a dating app for about 10 days. After removing the age requirements, I received a lot of likes from the young guys, as young as 19! Today I’m going out with a very athletic and enthusiastic 29 y.o. man, an engineer. Who cares about men in their 50s if they can date someone young.
If that’s what you’re looking for, go for it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.
She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.
She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.
There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.
She expects to split the expenses of dating.
I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.
If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.
If you are dating, is it really like that?
Look a small number men on dating apps get like 80% of the matches(or whatever for different sites). These man have endless choices but they only represent like 5% of the men on the site. You can do the numbers- single man, 50ish years old(27% of men 50-60), not over weight(30%), over 6’(14%), makes $100k(16%) and college educated(44%). Now add in 50ish men who want to date someone under 45 and the dating apps pushing the more popular men.
The number go something like this 5% of men on dating apps gets 65% of all the matches, 25% get 80% and 60% of men get no matches. So the top men do great and have an endless options. The rest will be lucky to get one match. The most desirable men are in high demand and the competition is fierce.
I do not think men in the 50’s are pushing for sex on the first date but if it is a lukewarm date they have other options. This applies to the top 10%. The others men are desperate but are not selected. Dating apps, etc are not a great experience for either women or men.
I think you can remove the over-6-foot requirement for most women and expand the dating pool by a lot. The average height for a woman is 5'6, so anyone over 5'7 is fine for the majority of women. Also, women dating 50+ men are rarely looking to procreate, so genetic factors like height don't matter.
Uh, the average height for women is 5'3".
Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, is your friend actually asking men directly what they are looking for when they first start messaging? I know that society historically tells us that women aren't supposed to ask that as to appear too needy and scare a man off, but a man who is looking for a relationship will be honest and say so. A man looking for a hookup may be honest and say so, or he might say he doesnt know what he is looking for, he just wants to wait and see what happens, depends on the woman, etc.
Conversely, is she putting out “just want to have fun” vibes either in her pics or profile or both? If she wants a relationship she needs to own it. The fact that many of her first dates are dancing leads me to believe that she is portraying herself as a party girl/doesnt want anything serious.
Fwiw, I have a good male friend in ftlaud/miami who met his long-term gf on old. They are both normal people (albeit tan and in shape, he much moreso before he moved to S Florida) who found each other. It can happen!!
Anonymous wrote:Married man over 50 here:
While I’m not dating and not in the market, I’ve talked about what I would do if (god forbid) something happened to DW.
First of all, there’s no second marriage. Period. I want to hang out and have fun, which includes sex. If you don’t want those things or you do want to get married, I’m not for you.
Also, a PP is right. Where women had the advantage in their late teens and 20’s, that dynamic slowly shifts in the opposite direction over time and age. While the other PP who says older women are juggling 5 men on the apps may be right about some, I know that’s not universally true.
The endgame isn’t necessarily sex on the first date, but men in their 50’s have greater agency in their choices.
Anonymous wrote:One man's experience:
I'm 49, low-drama divorced (3 kids), 6'1", trim, no balding, well dressed, make $800k. Currently dating a woman who's 53. We didn't have sex until date 6 or 7. We had intense chemistry from the minute we sat down on the first date (I find her incredibly sexy, and she feels the same about me), but jumping into bed wasn't the priority. I'm not necessarily looking for marriage, but I want a real relationship. I dated some younger women and I felt like the whole experience for them was figuring out whether they were going to have sex with me right off the bat. If I did that, it would only be with someone I found very sexy but not worth trying to develop a serious relationship with.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Married man over 50 here:
While I’m not dating and not in the market, I’ve talked about what I would do if (god forbid) something happened to DW.
First of all, there’s no second marriage. Period. I want to hang out and have fun, which includes sex. If you don’t want those things or you do want to get married, I’m not for you.
Also, a PP is right. Where women had the advantage in their late teens and 20’s, that dynamic slowly shifts in the opposite direction over time and age. While the other PP who says older women are juggling 5 men on the apps may be right about some, I know that’s not universally true.
The endgame isn’t necessarily sex on the first date, but men in their 50’s have greater agency in their choices.
I’m a 48 y.o. woman, have been on a dating app for about 10 days. After removing the age requirements, I received a lot of likes from the young guys, as young as 19! Today I’m going out with a very athletic and enthusiastic 29 y.o. man, an engineer. Who cares about men in their 50s if they can date someone young.
Anonymous wrote:Married man over 50 here:
While I’m not dating and not in the market, I’ve talked about what I would do if (god forbid) something happened to DW.
First of all, there’s no second marriage. Period. I want to hang out and have fun, which includes sex. If you don’t want those things or you do want to get married, I’m not for you.
Also, a PP is right. Where women had the advantage in their late teens and 20’s, that dynamic slowly shifts in the opposite direction over time and age. While the other PP who says older women are juggling 5 men on the apps may be right about some, I know that’s not universally true.
The endgame isn’t necessarily sex on the first date, but men in their 50’s have greater agency in their choices.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Men dating over 50 want a nurse and a housekeeper. Maybe a social chair. Hard pass.
Cruise director. Go pick a vacation.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.
She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.
She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.
There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.
She expects to split the expenses of dating.
I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.
If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.
If you are dating, is it really like that?
Look a small number men on dating apps get like 80% of the matches(or whatever for different sites). These man have endless choices but they only represent like 5% of the men on the site. You can do the numbers- single man, 50ish years old(27% of men 50-60), not over weight(30%), over 6’(14%), makes $100k(16%) and college educated(44%). Now add in 50ish men who want to date someone under 45 and the dating apps pushing the more popular men.
The number go something like this 5% of men on dating apps gets 65% of all the matches, 25% get 80% and 60% of men get no matches. So the top men do great and have an endless options. The rest will be lucky to get one match. The most desirable men are in high demand and the competition is fierce.
I do not think men in the 50’s are pushing for sex on the first date but if it is a lukewarm date they have other options. This applies to the top 10%. The others men are desperate but are not selected. Dating apps, etc are not a great experience for either women or men.
I think you can remove the over-6-foot requirement for most women and expand the dating pool by a lot. The average height for a woman is 5'6, so anyone over 5'7 is fine for the majority of women. Also, women dating 50+ men are rarely looking to procreate, so genetic factors like height don't matter.