I drink plenty of beer, and even I think that's a bit much.

This isn’t normal drinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

There are subcultures that enshrine drinking as part of socializing but also make excuses for it and accept their friends' and families' behavior. The answer to any objection is just that you are overreacting, not fun, don't understand the culture, etc., etc. You will never convince these people differently.

Anyone who had fatty liver disease and continues to drink is killing himself! This is not normal. You should leave as quickly as you can.

I have a friend whose husband has kidney problems and drinks and has ended up in the hospital a few times. He tells his wife that the doctor told him he could drink. He's obviously lying.

Addicts lie. In AA, they say that people who can't get sober are constitutionally incapable of being honest. I think this is spot on. There are some people who will never admit they have a problem, lie about what they do and will not take responsibility for their alcoholism and in the end it kills them. They blame it on others, including the people they have fun with.

Being part of a drinking culture is irrelevant.

As someone married to an addict, this is so sadly true.

You'll know an addict wants to change when they drag all their junk out into the open - not with everyone but with a select few people - and stop lying. Anything short of that and they'll keep lying to protect the habit/disease that protects them from facing the hard junk that's why they drink in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t say how old he is. You say he has relatives in their 60s who drink like fish, but you don’t say how old he himself is. In any event, depending on how old he is he sounds like fun.

He is 36.

Apparently his doctor told him both his fatty liver and BE are no big deal and he can drink...I don't think the doctor understands how much he drinks!

He did try to be sober for 3 years after his BE diagnosis...but he hated it and has started drinking again starting this January. I don't mean a glass of wine at dinner. In fact, I have never seen him have just 1 glass of wine or beer...ever. 1 turns into a bottle!

And of course, I am his no.1 enemy, the "not fun" wife who is a buzz kill.

I am increasingly concerned for his well being.

We met when we were 22 so...all american friends were drinking. I did not realize...he would not stop as an adult.

He can't possibly be helpful around the house or a pleasant and engaged partner. Are you from a culture where women do everything and the husbands do whatever they want?

OP here. He is not. He wants to divorce me and has been blaming everything on me. Its his reason for drinking and partying.

I mean, I think I would take him up on it.

Not OP, but I bet he won't initiate anything himself. Alcoholics have a way of getting lazy and also being incapable of making decisions. It's a known thing. All they can think about is getting the next drink, and it's not like they're thinking well while plastered/passed out.

It might be that her DH would be happy if she initiated, but if she really wants the divorce she'll have to do it herself. Now if he doesn't want to be contentious that makes things easier.

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

Troll

You are well aware your man and his families drinking is an issue, problematic, unhealthy and not normal.

You know this.

Hard Stop.

Divorce him. Move on.

Go to Al Anon.

Get yourself into therapy.

You have been with him a long time, but his family is encouraging him to have bad habits and he doesn't seem to think he has a problem. He probably won't live much longer at this rate.

I am sorry and you need to think through if you want to live this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t say how old he is. You say he has relatives in their 60s who drink like fish, but you don’t say how old he himself is. In any event, depending on how old he is he sounds like fun.

He is 36.

Apparently his doctor told him both his fatty liver and BE are no big deal and he can drink...I don't think the doctor understands how much he drinks!

He did try to be sober for 3 years after his BE diagnosis...but he hated it and has started drinking again starting this January. I don't mean a glass of wine at dinner. In fact, I have never seen him have just 1 glass of wine or beer...ever. 1 turns into a bottle!

And of course, I am his no.1 enemy, the "not fun" wife who is a buzz kill.

I am increasingly concerned for his well being.

We met when we were 22 so...all american friends were drinking. I did not realize...he would not stop as an adult.

He can't possibly be helpful around the house or a pleasant and engaged partner. Are you from a culture where women do everything and the husbands do whatever they want?

OP here. He is not. He wants to divorce me and has been blaming everything on me. Its his reason for drinking and partying.

I mean, I think I would take him up on it.

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

Like 2/3 of the people in AA in the DMV are Catholics.

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

There are subcultures that enshrine drinking as part of socializing but also make excuses for it and accept their friends' and families' behavior. The answer to any objection is just that you are overreacting, not fun, don't understand the culture, etc., etc. You will never convince these people differently.

Anyone who had fatty liver disease and continues to drink is killing himself! This is not normal. You should leave as quickly as you can.

I have a friend whose husband has kidney problems and drinks and has ended up in the hospital a few times. He tells his wife that the doctor told him he could drink. He's obviously lying.

Addicts lie. In AA, they say that people who can't get sober are constitutionally incapable of being honest. I think this is spot on. There are some people who will never admit they have a problem, lie about what they do and will not take responsibility for their alcoholism and in the end it kills them. They blame it on others, including the people they have fun with.

Being part of a drinking culture is irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

Your story is too perfect. There is nothing we can add. Find a better story.

Drinking a lot when in Vegas with his friend: normal

Drinking a lot at family parties etc: kind of normal

Drinking so much at home by himself: not normal

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t say how old he is. You say he has relatives in their 60s who drink like fish, but you don’t say how old he himself is. In any event, depending on how old he is he sounds like fun.

He is 36.

Apparently his doctor told him both his fatty liver and BE are no big deal and he can drink...I don't think the doctor understands how much he drinks!

He did try to be sober for 3 years after his BE diagnosis...but he hated it and has started drinking again starting this January. I don't mean a glass of wine at dinner. In fact, I have never seen him have just 1 glass of wine or beer...ever. 1 turns into a bottle!

And of course, I am his no.1 enemy, the "not fun" wife who is a buzz kill.

I am increasingly concerned for his well being.

We met when we were 22 so...all american friends were drinking. I did not realize...he would not stop as an adult.

If you believe this, I have a bridge to sell you...

I'll buck the trend - It's normal in many places of the world. Now, if you want to continue to deal with the consequences of said drinking - that's up to you.

Anonymous wrote:No kids and he wants a divorce?! Take him up on it and get out there. He is doing you the biggest favor of your life.

+1 Girl, cut and run! What are you getting out of this marriage?!