Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

It really only matters what the kids think and it's nearly unanimous that the split schedules suck.. the parents should rotate not the kids

I am confused. How do the parents rotate since they don't live in the same house. Am I missing something here? OP is divorced. I don't beg the rotation part.

They get a second residence for the adults to rotate to. It's called birdnesting.

Thats something couples do when they first separate. To make the transition easier on the kids. Not when legally divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

It really only matters what the kids think and it's nearly unanimous that the split schedules suck.. the parents should rotate not the kids

I am confused. How do the parents rotate since they don't live in the same house. Am I missing something here? OP is divorced. I don't beg the rotation part.

They get a second residence for the adults to rotate to. It's called birdnesting.

That dumb. What's the point of divorce then?

I have something a little similar. I am responsible for the kids Monday through Saturday mornings, but on Monday and Tuesday dad picks them up from school so I only handle dropoff unless it's a day off then I have them until he gets off work. It kind of sucks not having them weekends besides Saturday mornings, yours is better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Needs to be the same days every week. Too chaotic.

It's the same days every week.

Ex DW: Monday/Tuesday every week
Me: Wednesday to Friday every week

Then we alternate weekends

Then it’s not the same each week, is it? They won’t remember whose house they’re at on weekends, which parent to ask about Friday night sleepover, Saturday sports, etc.

They are 12 and 15. If they really can't remember there are calendars to write on or phones to use. The standard week on/week off doesn't work for everyone.

This is crazy. You are going to have them switch off during the school week, 20 minutes in one direction? and have to remember to drag all their stuff between different houses all the time?

20 minutes in one direction is not far at all. It takes 40 minutes in traffic to get to school EVERY DAY. Activities are afterschool every day...20 minutes each day.

A 20-minute switch is not bad AT ALL. And most kids have their stuff in two houses except school backpacks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

It really only matters what the kids think and it's nearly unanimous that the split schedules suck.. the parents should rotate not the kids

I am confused. How do the parents rotate since they don't live in the same house. Am I missing something here? OP is divorced. I don't beg the rotation part.

They get a second residence for the adults to rotate to. It's called birdnesting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

It really only matters what the kids think and it's nearly unanimous that the split schedules suck.. the parents should rotate not the kids

I am confused. How do the parents rotate since they don't live in the same house. Am I missing something here? OP is divorced. I don't beg the rotation part.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

Why don't you switch houses since its not cruel?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Needs to be the same days every week. Too chaotic.

It's the same days every week.

Ex DW: Monday/Tuesday every week
Me: Wednesday to Friday every week

Then we alternate weekends

Then it’s not the same each week, is it? They won’t remember whose house they’re at on weekends, which parent to ask about Friday night sleepover, Saturday sports, etc.

They are 12 and 15. If they really can't remember there are calendars to write on or phones to use. The standard week on/week off doesn't work for everyone.

This is crazy. You are going to have them switch off during the school week, 20 minutes in one direction? and have to remember to drag all their stuff between different houses all the time?

+1

The kids are 12 and 15, just ask them what is an ideal schedule. It does not need to be grounded by law and it can be flexible meaning change for the Summer, etc.

It seems fine as a start. Since they are 12 & 15 they may have opinions, and you can consider adjustments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Needs to be the same days every week. Too chaotic.

This is an excellent schedule. They have two of the same weekdays with each parent every week and they alternate long weekends.

+1. It's stable. These are not 5 years old kids. Their oldest is 15. My 15 years old can probably lie alone and find his ways around.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

It really only matters what the kids think and it's nearly unanimous that the split schedules suck.. the parents should rotate not the kids

My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

This is similar to our schedule.

- Kids sleep at my house every Sun, Mon, Tues night.
- They sleep at dads every Wed, Thurs night.
- They alternate Fri and Sat nights.

The parent whose house they wake up in gets them off to school in the morning, then they come to my house after school every day. On his days, their dad picks them up from my house after he finishes work, or I drop them off at his house, depending on what time our days end/what is going on after work/etc. Im not always home after school but they are old enough that they are fine on their own for a few hours. Exdh and I text each other to figure out who is taking them to the others house and at what time.

We live 5-7 mins (2 miles) from each other so its not a big deal if someone forgets something since we are so close. But they rarely forget stuff, they know to take their school backpacks/school stuff to their dads. He and I know to make sure they have what they need as well. And we have a designated backpack they take their kindles, retainers, books they are reading or games they are playing or plushies of choice etc back and forth in, which is also where their dad and I put any school papers, mail for the other, something to be signed by the other, etc.

It helps that both of my kids are boys who dont care much about clothes, so they arent concerned about which hoodie, sweatpants, tshirt, etc. they wear and they have plenty of clothes at each parents house. And we have chargers for school computers, etc as well as personal devices at each house so its less stuff to take back and forth.

I think some posters just like to make life harder than it is, and make living in 2 homes out to be harder than it is. RE the kids social lives, there are birthday parties every now and again, they do stuff w friends from time to time, they have their regularly scheduled activities but there arent sleepovers or excessive parties they want to go to every weekend that we just cant manage to keep track of.

We still use the same shared google calendar that we always did to keep track of that stuff and whichever parent the kid is going to be with is the one who drives them. If both kids have dueling activities, we each take one to their thing and drop them off at the parents house where they are supposed to be after its done.

That said, I doubt it would be as easy if we lived further away from each other, if they didnt come to my house after school every day, or if we were high conflict.

I think a steady 3-4 schedule would probably be better for everyone. So with mom Saturday night - Tuesday afternoon, and with dad Tuesday night - Saturday afternoon. That means splitting the weekend but each parent gets one weekend night. Mom can get extra time during summers and holidays - and since her custody time is her WFH days that gives her extra time too.