What happens with your career if you get married? Have you thought about other ways to advance that would accommodate your current BF?
Life is about choices and often nothing is a clear winner. I remember advising a friend of mine who could not decide whether or not to marry her BF that waiting around for the perfect time with the perfect guy was not going to happen. Could she accept his faults and still be mostly happy? Yes she did marry him and is happy. 20 plus years later.
Are you going to be a 40 year old woman upset about not being married with children because you made the choice when you were 30 not to get married and have children?
I’m NOT telling you to get married. Just think about the long term consequences of your decisions and actions and own the results.

Your title is misleading. That’s the reason I’m team BF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

If he really loved you enough to marry you, he wouldn't put you in this position. This is a red flag

If a guy were leaving they would say “if he loved you enough he would choose you over the job and wouldnt leave”

I am a female who agrees with your bf. You would be devastated if the roles were reversed - if you thought marriage was coming but he moved away. I vote stay and get married!

This is a good point.

I personally wouldn’t leave. The job is just two years and it’s a significant distance away. It’s easier to find a job than a person you want to marry, who wants to marry you. But I would not turn down the job without an immediate engagement. Not September - now.

Or you can get engaged/married while you are there. Why does two years away prevent you from doing so? Especially if you have a low-key wedding.

Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that it seems like an ultimatum has been given rather than a discussion between partners. How will you handle other big life decisions and opportunities?

If you want to marry him, I would only give up this position if he's ready to propose asap and set a wedding date.

+1hiw have your discussions been around this issue, OP? Is it as open-and-shut as you describe, or does your BF acknowledge how difficult it is to potentially give up a dream job, etc? And how is your communication in general? Has it been a healthy relationship? We cannot guide you in a vacuum.

How is his job compared to yours?

I know people who broke up from three years of long distance after they'd been married for 4 years. And a 3.5 hour plane ride is pretty far.

However, my brother moved continents for his wife because the opportunity was best for their whole family.

It really depends on the circumstances.

If you are even questioning it you don't love him enough. He needs to find a better fit and so do you.

Why is the opportunity only 2 years? Is it a rotation program? How do you know for sure you’ll be back?

My DH took a job in CA when we lived in DC. I loved DC. My job was transferable, but even so I was so sad and upset that I suspect we would have divorced if it weren’t for our then 2 year old. We’d previously spent 2 years dating Massachusetts to Maryland and that wasn’t so bad. It is different in my mind when you know it’s time limited, but that does sound super hard and given your ages I get his position.

Choose the career and find another boyfriend there.

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

Before this came up what had you both said about marriage and timing?

1.5 years in….

Fwiw, I moved further away right after getting married for an amazing career opportunity that ended up being 4 years. Lots of red eyes.

Now married 16 years. 2 kids. Very happy. I'm the primary earner now.

Lots of things can work, but you have to want the relationship.

Do you guys have a good amount of money? If so, do long distance and travel back and forth. It’s actually possible to get pregnant when you live across the country from the person you’re going to have sex with.?

Tell him no ring, no thing. Unless he's ready to make it official, I'd pick the job.

Anonymous wrote:And yet if a man wanted to up and move if the woman wanted a family you'd also urge her to break up with him, because you hate men.

I suspect she would be expected to drop everything for his career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

If he really loved you enough to marry you, he wouldn't put you in this position. This is a red flag

If a guy were leaving they would say “if he loved you enough he would choose you over the job and wouldnt leave”

I am a female who agrees with your bf. You would be devastated if the roles were reversed - if you thought marriage was coming but he moved away. I vote stay and get married!