Anonymous wrote:Maternity leave isn’t about “refreshing” OP … it’s about recovering from childbirth and caring for a newborn.

If you are having a mental health crisis you can ask for leave. I have a single friend who did this recently.

+1. I have three kids and never found my sleepless maternity leaves where I attempted to bond with my baby, maintain my bonds with and take care of my older children, lose 20 pounds while keeping my milk supply up, and deal with 6 weeks of postpartum bleeding - to say nothing of hormonal ups and downs or the toll pregnancy or nursing take on your body - akin to a vacation. Nor did I find the first year or two back in the office after having a child freeing. I had to work very hard after having all of my kids to continue to advance and be taken seriously. There is a lot of vulnerability around being a working mom and the periods during and after pregnancy are very challenging.

Maybe you like the idea of being able to take a break from work or the idea of focusing on yourself or passions outside work? If so, take as much vacation as possible and look into taking a sabbatical. You’ll be setting a good example for your team and you’ll get some perspective and rest, which it sounds like you badly need if you are crying about stress from work in front of your direct reports.

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Anonymous wrote:Peri needs are just as legitimate but should be within a broader mental health category. I actually took a permanent step back at work bc of peri since my work has no good options for my situation and no possibility of a real long vacation.

They are not, and you know it.

Right, that’s what I am saying…

NP. Under what authority do you proclaim your expertise about perimenopause and its possible affects on health and wellbeing or lack thereof?

I don’t think anyone needs to explain to you that “peri” is not the same as childbirth and caring for a newborn.

Childcare is hard but the physical movement, standing up, carrying child are good for you. No one has gotten high LDL or blood sugar from running after kids. But sedatory office workers die from heart attack all the time.

So do some exercise and eat better.

and sure, tell those working moms of infants how good it is for them 😂

Hey this is not the suffering Olympics. You don’t need to minimize what someone else is going through just to be an ass.

Childbirth, recovery and caring for infants is exhausting, but it is of a limited duration of time.

Perimenopause can last years and be awful. For some people it’s a breeze, for others it is horrific. Spending hours each day commuting and sitting at a desk has a cumulative negative impact on health that is very serious if unaddressed.

After RTO I am out of the house about 12 hours a day. I need 9 hours of sleep to function well. That leaves me with 3 hours a day to do absolutely everything else including the care of my children. I do my best to eat well but where am I supposed to get in a workout? Throw in peri/menopause. I am white but now I see firsthand why so many WOC die young of strokes and such. RTO is sending us back 50 years.

Did “peri” affect your reading comprehension?

PP was trying to directly compare “peri” and childbirth, presumably to suggest that women should get “peri” leave because it’s just as hard as having a baby.

Having a kit is more “acute” meaning you will deal with discomfort for 2-3 years. Peri can last 10 years +

Wanting to raising young infant and wanting to manage peri are both healthy, and not a vs competition.

Anonymous wrote:I get your point but your argument is not quite right: don't say it out loud.

What I think you mean is that paid leave should be flexible to accommmodate a variety of life's challenges, including births, deaths, caregiving, and recuperation.

Maternity leave is NOT a vacation or recuperation from life's/work's challenges. It's hard, and grueling, and can be awful. Presenting it as "a break" is going to get you flamed and that's fair. But it is also fair to ask for leave for caregiving when you need it.

This. I'm childfree but well aware that maternity leave isn't a vacation.

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Anonymous wrote:Peri needs are just as legitimate but should be within a broader mental health category. I actually took a permanent step back at work bc of peri since my work has no good options for my situation and no possibility of a real long vacation.

They are not, and you know it.

Right, that’s what I am saying…

NP. Under what authority do you proclaim your expertise about perimenopause and its possible affects on health and wellbeing or lack thereof?

I don’t think anyone needs to explain to you that “peri” is not the same as childbirth and caring for a newborn.

Childcare is hard but the physical movement, standing up, carrying child are good for you. No one has gotten high LDL or blood sugar from running after kids. But sedatory office workers die from heart attack all the time.

So do some exercise and eat better.

and sure, tell those working moms of infants how good it is for them 😂

Hey this is not the suffering Olympics. You don’t need to minimize what someone else is going through just to be an ass.

Childbirth, recovery and caring for infants is exhausting, but it is of a limited duration of time.

Perimenopause can last years and be awful. For some people it’s a breeze, for others it is horrific. Spending hours each day commuting and sitting at a desk has a cumulative negative impact on health that is very serious if unaddressed.

After RTO I am out of the house about 12 hours a day. I need 9 hours of sleep to function well. That leaves me with 3 hours a day to do absolutely everything else including the care of my children. I do my best to eat well but where am I supposed to get in a workout? Throw in peri/menopause. I am white but now I see firsthand why so many WOC die young of strokes and such. RTO is sending us back 50 years.

No worries, AI will send us back to slavery.

Believe me when the men hit their 40s and 50s they make it up in kidney stones, gallbladder surgeries, and heart attacks. And for the healthy ones they knee and hip replacements.

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Anonymous wrote:Peri needs are just as legitimate but should be within a broader mental health category. I actually took a permanent step back at work bc of peri since my work has no good options for my situation and no possibility of a real long vacation.

They are not, and you know it.

Right, that’s what I am saying…

NP. Under what authority do you proclaim your expertise about perimenopause and its possible affects on health and wellbeing or lack thereof?

I don’t think anyone needs to explain to you that “peri” is not the same as childbirth and caring for a newborn.

Childcare is hard but the physical movement, standing up, carrying child are good for you. No one has gotten high LDL or blood sugar from running after kids. But sedatory office workers die from heart attack all the time.

So do some exercise and eat better.

and sure, tell those working moms of infants how good it is for them 😂

Hey this is not the suffering Olympics. You don’t need to minimize what someone else is going through just to be an ass.

Childbirth, recovery and caring for infants is exhausting, but it is of a limited duration of time.

Perimenopause can last years and be awful. For some people it’s a breeze, for others it is horrific. Spending hours each day commuting and sitting at a desk has a cumulative negative impact on health that is very serious if unaddressed.

After RTO I am out of the house about 12 hours a day. I need 9 hours of sleep to function well. That leaves me with 3 hours a day to do absolutely everything else including the care of my children. I do my best to eat well but where am I supposed to get in a workout? Throw in peri/menopause. I am white but now I see firsthand why so many WOC die young of strokes and such. RTO is sending us back 50 years.

Did “peri” affect your reading comprehension?

PP was trying to directly compare “peri” and childbirth, presumably to suggest that women should get “peri” leave because it’s just as hard as having a baby.

NP I have kids and I’m currently in peri so I was not bothered. Obviously anyone who has kids knows it’s not remotely comparable to maternity leave needs so it’s not even something to argue. But I do think peri should (among other things like burn out, depression) be a legitimate reason for leave.

We work too much in the US. We need to have 4 day work weeks. And 6 weeks paid vacations like in Europe. Plus free healthcare.

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Anonymous wrote:It’s called short term disability. Maternity leave is for mothers (though often we have to take STD).

+1. If you can't handle the stress of life without breaking down what you have is a mental health problem that needs treatment. Look into STD.

+1
I don’t mean to sound condescending or like a know it all mom, but when I went back to work after my first maternity leave, work felt like such a break. I work in a high stress field, yet it felt so predictable and manageable compared to maternity leave and the initial few weeks of zero sleep and some awful physical things. Please don’t imagine maternity leave as being like a vacation

My kid is 12 and I still feel some measure of relief on Mondays when I sit down in my quiet organized office where all I have to do is think about myself and my job!

Yes!! My kids are 10 and 7, we spent the week camping and I cannot wait to go back to work this evening and be alone with my music and my lab equipment. Heaven!

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Anonymous wrote:Peri needs are just as legitimate but should be within a broader mental health category. I actually took a permanent step back at work bc of peri since my work has no good options for my situation and no possibility of a real long vacation.

They are not, and you know it.

Right, that’s what I am saying…

NP. Under what authority do you proclaim your expertise about perimenopause and its possible affects on health and wellbeing or lack thereof?

I don’t think anyone needs to explain to you that “peri” is not the same as childbirth and caring for a newborn.

Childcare is hard but the physical movement, standing up, carrying child are good for you. No one has gotten high LDL or blood sugar from running after kids. But sedatory office workers die from heart attack all the time.

So do some exercise and eat better.

and sure, tell those working moms of infants how good it is for them 😂

Hey this is not the suffering Olympics. You don’t need to minimize what someone else is going through just to be an ass.

Childbirth, recovery and caring for infants is exhausting, but it is of a limited duration of time.

Perimenopause can last years and be awful. For some people it’s a breeze, for others it is horrific. Spending hours each day commuting and sitting at a desk has a cumulative negative impact on health that is very serious if unaddressed.

After RTO I am out of the house about 12 hours a day. I need 9 hours of sleep to function well. That leaves me with 3 hours a day to do absolutely everything else including the care of my children. I do my best to eat well but where am I supposed to get in a workout? Throw in peri/menopause. I am white but now I see firsthand why so many WOC die young of strokes and such. RTO is sending us back 50 years.

Did “peri” affect your reading comprehension?

PP was trying to directly compare “peri” and childbirth, presumably to suggest that women should get “peri” leave because it’s just as hard as having a baby.

Adopt a child, take FMLA, return to the office after 12 weeks, and see what a cake walk it all is.

(and I agree that you should not say this out loud. It reveals a lot of selfishness and ignorance. If you need a break, look into STD or find a different job.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peri needs are just as legitimate but should be within a broader mental health category. I actually took a permanent step back at work bc of peri since my work has no good options for my situation and no possibility of a real long vacation.

They are not, and you know it.

Right, that’s what I am saying…

NP. Under what authority do you proclaim your expertise about perimenopause and its possible affects on health and wellbeing or lack thereof?

I don’t think anyone needs to explain to you that “peri” is not the same as childbirth and caring for a newborn.

Childcare is hard but the physical movement, standing up, carrying child are good for you. No one has gotten high LDL or blood sugar from running after kids. But sedatory office workers die from heart attack all the time.

So do some exercise and eat better.

and sure, tell those working moms of infants how good it is for them 😂

Hey this is not the suffering Olympics. You don’t need to minimize what someone else is going through just to be an ass.

Childbirth, recovery and caring for infants is exhausting, but it is of a limited duration of time.

Perimenopause can last years and be awful. For some people it’s a breeze, for others it is horrific. Spending hours each day commuting and sitting at a desk has a cumulative negative impact on health that is very serious if unaddressed.

After RTO I am out of the house about 12 hours a day. I need 9 hours of sleep to function well. That leaves me with 3 hours a day to do absolutely everything else including the care of my children. I do my best to eat well but where am I supposed to get in a workout? Throw in peri/menopause. I am white but now I see firsthand why so many WOC die young of strokes and such. RTO is sending us back 50 years.

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Anonymous wrote:It’s called short term disability. Maternity leave is for mothers (though often we have to take STD).

+1. If you can't handle the stress of life without breaking down what you have is a mental health problem that needs treatment. Look into STD.

Maternity is mostly for the benefit of the child. It does help the mother, but countries with generous maternity leave policies do it because the children have better outcomes when their parents care for them at that young age.

Vitamin "D" is the answer.

I get your point but your argument is not quite right: don't say it out loud.

What I think you mean is that paid leave should be flexible to accommmodate a variety of life's challenges, including births, deaths, caregiving, and recuperation.

Maternity leave is NOT a vacation or recuperation from life's/work's challenges. It's hard, and grueling, and can be awful. Presenting it as "a break" is going to get you flamed and that's fair. But it is also fair to ask for leave for caregiving when you need it.