Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:58     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.


Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?


What?
I have four kids and my in-laws live with us. All eight of us have enough to eat at every meal. Usually I make a side in the crockpot, we have bread, and my 11 year old son makes a salad. Then I cook some kind of meat in the oven or on the grill.

I do three loads of laundry a day. Kids and my in-laws fold their own mostly, but they don’t wash it. It’s too much to schedule it.
We have two dishwashers that we run every day.

Everyone gets to their stuff. My daughters do dance, which is pretty intense, but we do it.

My husband and I are both doctors. I have a small outpatient clinic with a friend from residency. I work about 20 hours/wk.



Why do you cook and do laundry for your in laws? They should be doing that for you and your kids if they are living with you. That would drive me crazy.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:56     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
I wish I had more kids now that it’s too late…
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:53     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Nothing wrong with a big family! It incites horror in the DCUM crowd because most here subscribe to the “concerted cultivation” school of parenting. As do many people out there.

I have three and it’s a bit too much given that we both work and can’t afford outsourcing but I would never give anyone a look.

Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:29     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.


Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?


I’d say pretty much all they do is buy food and eat a bunch of sandwiches pasta with jars of sauce.

Kids do their own laundry. The older kids are essentially second, third fourth parents.

Mom usually takes care of the infant, but once they’re toddlers, they just sent them off with the older children.

As for sports, they need to get rides with friends. Or an older sibling drives them.

Listen, the way you’re raising your children and the way these children are raised is very, very, very different.

Most of the kids have to fend for themselves


They aren’t the Duggars. They have seven children, not 20.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:27     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent

It's outrageous how nasty some of these responses are.

Just want to support your choices, OP. I might stare a little, but I promise it's nothing critical. Mostly it's awe you were able to do this at all. My body shut down after 2.



Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:24     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Having seven kids is an imposition on other people. Everywhere you go, your family takes up too much space. Yes -- too much space. You go to a restaurant and you need them to put three table together just for your one family. You go to the pool or beach and you take up too much real estate and smaller families can't find space. You take up too much space walking down the street.

When people say things like "wow, how do you do it?" or "gosh, so many kids!" That is actually them being polite. They are suppressing what they actually want to say, which is that they think it was dumb and selfish of you to have that many kids and then to expect the whole world to accommodate your huge family. It's not 1950 anymore. None of your kids is dying of typhus and you didn't need to create a workforce to maintain the family farm.

You better find a way to deal with the comments and the looks because you will be getting them until all your kids are grown and gone.


Come on that’s silly. Two families of 3 kids each would take up just as much space at the beach. In fact, more. And you wouldn’t be saying anything about that.


Two families with three is totally different. More parents per child, tighter age gap within each family. Those families are not going to impose as much on the people around them because the kids are going to get what they need from their parents. They won't need special accommodations most places, and they won't expect it because they have a more typical family size.

A family with seven kids is an actual burden in the people around them. When I encounter families like this in public spaces, it's harder to move or get around them, they are louder, it's more stressful. Even if the kids are reasonably well behaved. It's just too many people for a nuclear family. If you want to do this, expect people to be aggravated with you a lot. You've done an annoying, selfish thing.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:21     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.


Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?


What?
I have four kids and my in-laws live with us. All eight of us have enough to eat at every meal. Usually I make a side in the crockpot, we have bread, and my 11 year old son makes a salad. Then I cook some kind of meat in the oven or on the grill.

I do three loads of laundry a day. Kids and my in-laws fold their own mostly, but they don’t wash it. It’s too much to schedule it.
We have two dishwashers that we run every day.

Everyone gets to their stuff. My daughters do dance, which is pretty intense, but we do it.

My husband and I are both doctors. I have a small outpatient clinic with a friend from residency. I work about 20 hours/wk.

Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:14     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Move to Utah. You’ll fit right in
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:13     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:UMC cannot afford that many kids easily. People are more annoyed when you dump your kids on them especially for rides.


This and that you make the older ones help with the younger ones.


I don’t really get the horror at this. Lots of parents with fewer children have their teens get jobs or do chores around the house.
What’s the big deal about asking a teenager to babysit sometimes or make a meal or pick up a younger sibling from school while mom and dad are at work? I was the oldest of three, and I helped out with my younger siblings, particularly my youngest sister, all of the time.


Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:12     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.


Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?


I’d say pretty much all they do is buy food and eat a bunch of sandwiches pasta with jars of sauce.

Kids do their own laundry. The older kids are essentially second, third fourth parents.

Mom usually takes care of the infant, but once they’re toddlers, they just sent them off with the older children.

As for sports, they need to get rides with friends. Or an older sibling drives them.

Listen, the way you’re raising your children and the way these children are raised is very, very, very different.

Most of the kids have to fend for themselves
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:09     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.


Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?


I always am curious - what do they drive?


Our neighbors have five boys. They drive the biggest SUV money can buy .. then they have one smaller car.
The mom is always ranting that she can't wait for at least one of them to drive.
They manage..She loves ALL the attention of having alllllllllllll one gender as well.

Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:09     Subject: Re:Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
I’m Catholic, 7 is okay it’s not huge.

I’ve literally been at picnics holding a baby while the mom was off with 4 others to the bathroom and she said “that’s mine right”, and I was like yea I get it us Irish gals look all the same but yea I’m holding YOUR baby.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:06     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:I'm the youngest of 7 kids. Guess how many kids I have? lol

People asked me questions about it growing up, but no one made a huge deal about it. Move on.


This.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:04     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
I'm the youngest of 7 kids. Guess how many kids I have? lol

People asked me questions about it growing up, but no one made a huge deal about it. Move on.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2025 09:03     Subject: Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.


Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?


I always am curious - what do they drive?