Anonymous
06/25/2025 16:02
Subject: Spouse Keeps List
I think it’s normal to compile lists like that. For sure it’s a sign of a relationship on the rocks. It’s a form of journaling and therapy as well as something to look at and analyze. It’s most likely used when the other person won’t discuss so the only alternative is to write for oneself.
Definitely the sign of someone who’s stuck in a marriage
Definitely the sign of someone who’s stuck in a marriage
Anonymous
06/24/2025 17:16
Subject: Spouse Keeps List
Anonymous wrote:Divorce
He’s keeping score, resentful and not over past arguments & disagreements.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who keeps notes on things as such?
This sounds like something a woman would do, not a man.
Anonymous
06/24/2025 17:14
Subject: Spouse Keeps List
Anonymous wrote:I needed to get something off my spouse's phone and saw they had open a note with my name. Yes, I read it and not sure if I am happy I did or regret it. It was basically a list of all the things I have done over the years to make them upset or parts of my personality they do not like. Most I knew about as they have come up in arguments and I had my chance to give my perspective on what occurred and/or apologised. But it was shocking to see this list that contained such visceral reactions to situations. Of note, it seems my spouse will give pretty much anyone the benefit of the doubt except it seems me. What would you do?
My exW did this: during 2 years of marriage counseling, she kept digging up things I'd said during arguments 8 or 10 years before -- things i'd long since forgotten which were completely irrelevant to our present or future. But she kept that list and would never let it go... she wanted to and chose to be unforgiving about the rare heated exchanges we -- like most couples -- had over a 20 year marriage.
Anonymous
06/24/2025 12:34
Subject: Spouse Keeps List
Ask to see his gratitude list. The problem with emails, etc is you don’t get the tone. With a list you don’t know if he writes it down to work on letting it go or if he keeps because you ask him for examples of when you did x so many times that he started the list. Confronting him when he hadn’t updated in likely months is likely not to be helpful. Reading his phone, unless you’ve given each other permission is likely to not be helpful. Maybe he created this list to see if you snoop. I think it is time for counseling for you and maybe as a pair.
Anonymous
06/24/2025 12:30
Subject: Spouse Keeps List
OP make copies of all
Financial records and passwords
He’s leaving
Financial records and passwords
He’s leaving
Anonymous
06/24/2025 12:26
Subject: Re:Spouse Keeps List
I definitely read this question in an advice column. Dear Prudence maybe?
Anonymous
06/24/2025 11:56
Subject: Spouse Keeps List
Anonymous wrote:We don't need to write them down. Instant recall, baby!Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He’s keeping score
Yes, it must be a man because a woman would have her grievances memorized.
And never lets them go.