Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your description of your SIL is way too cold given what she's going through. Also, it's not morally right to discuss the fallout of her demise on an internet forum when she's not in hospice yet.

It's obvious you're very much relishing the drama without sparing a thought to this poor human being who is currently suffering. You are a very flawed person, and I hope one day you understand this.

Huh? It’s an anonymous forum and I gave no details that could identify her nor does she read this forum as she doesn’t live around here. Not sure who “discussing” this here is hurting, so I don’t think morals are in question. Nor am I sure what relishing and what drama you’re referring to.

You're deliberately misunderstanding. There is no risk of identifying anyone. But it's not right to discuss a potentially dying relative in the terms you've used, one that apparently has done you no harm. Stop using "failure to launch", especially if you say that there are health issues involved (whether mental or physical). You give the impression you're blaming her and that she is "less than". You clearly have a sense of superiority and it shows, which is very graceless of you when she apparently has a terminal cancer diagnosis. What I read was: "My husband might suffer from the death of this unimportant and inferior relative, but right now he doesn't realize it, what can I do?"

All of this could have been easily averted if you had just said the two siblings had nothing in common, but you were still worried about potential fallout. And then I'd have told you, more nicely, to wait, because there was nothing you could do right now.

Failure to launch is a term used by therapists/psychiatrists and generally describes her situation. Nowhere in my post did I suggest blame/judgment. Maybe it’s you who thinks that a person like this is “less than”? I said no such thing.

You did sort of justify the disconnect by your husband and his sister due to her "failure to launch." This implication is that she wasn't worthy of his attention or a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP actually made me wince. The language is so clinical and distant. More about her own curiosity rather than any empathy for her DH or SIL.

Ok sorry - I’ll try to avoid using medical terms and dumb it down for you guys while making sure I convey some empathy in my posts so you know I have a heart.

Anonymous wrote:SIL’s prognosis is poor but DH seems to be handling it pretty well. I think in part because they are not particularly close (they were close as kids but she has had other health issues through the years, didn’t quite launch as an adult and they have not spent a lot of time together). She is young, in her 30s. Im trying to process what it would be like to lose a sibling you aren’t particularly close to. I’m an only child so the idea of having siblings is a bit foreign to me in the first place. Im not sure what the point of my post is, I guess just to try to better understand what it’s like for others in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP comes off as very callous, or at least someone who struggles with empathy. There really is no excuse.

Also, some people who haven’t found themselves yet in their 30s (maybe SIL has been set back by health issues) do figure things out later. SIL won’t have the chance.

It is nor callous to describe a family member who never became completely independent as a failure to launch. She is not making fun of SIL, just explaining that her husband and SIL were different and have not always been close. But the main thing she is recognizing that this is a very sad situation and trying to help her spouse cope with his sister's illness. I think it's admirable to recognize the sadness in the situation and try to help.