I’m currently dating someone who is probably the least physically attractive person that I’ve ever dated.

However, she’s great and would marry her because: she’s hella smart, quirked up, comes from some wealth, health conscious, attended a top school, well educated and values education but not “girl-bossy”

If I wanted all that but also 5’6+ leggy blue eyed woman in her late 20’s from Dartmouth/nescac/brown/princeton…I would have to have at least 9 figures…

I dated a handful of pretty attractive and really fit guys. None of them treated me as well as or made me feel as loved as my DH who was unfit and handsome in a unique way. But fast forward 20 years and he’s gained a bit of weight and I have a hard time wanting to be intimate with him. It’s tough. Attractiveness is important to me for long term intimacy, but how could I have known that 18 years ago?

Because they're not vain and don't want to be a lonely old hag.

My DH, when I married him, was not conventionally handsome - he was overweight. I was probably “cute” but not beautiful or stunning. Now we are an old married couple that have mellowed into a great partnership with a college student and a senior. He has lost weight and I think rescued his health. I have aged normally. Maybe someone might have asked why I married my husband - but nobody would ask that now. The answer then and now is that we just fit. Find someone compatible with you and everything will work out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes there is just something about someone that attracts a mate.
Humor, quirks, goals, compatibility, etc.

Even people considered "ugly" can be quite "attractive", such as Vin Diesel for example. Not that good looking at all, sloping forehead, big nose, droopy face, but he has something about him that makes him hot.

Yeah, he’s insanely fit (and rich.)

And funny.

I saw a study that showed what makes girls and boys popular in middle and high school and the list for boys was height, athletic ability, and humor. (I think girls was looks, style, charisma?)

Anonymous wrote:Most attractive people “with great wealth involved” are awful to be around. That probably has something to do with it.

This isn't true.

Some attractive, wealthy people are awesome kind people, and some are "awful to be around." They run the gamut, just like everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume great wealth is not involved. I just don’t get it.

Me either. I've seen so many thin, somewhat fit men with seriously obese wives.

People are obese for all kinds of reasons. When my fit, great-looking 10/10 personality DH met me I was 5'8" and 130 pounds and had modeled when younger. A couple of years later, enter a medication that I need to live and ... voila, obesity. He's been so loving and kind about it, for many years now. Finally out of an obese bmi now, thanks to Wegovy (which is not a walk in the park for everyone, btw), but have been living with obesity for many, many years.

Our marriage has been happy as could be during the time that I wore a size 6 and during the time that I wore a size 18.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy and have completely different preference than my guy friends. They like the thin blond yoga type. I prefer a woman with small “pooch” and slightly saggy boobs. They like laid back and casual, I like high maintenance/snotty.

Everyone likes something different.

High maintenance and snotty are not pooch and saggy

Yeah, I had the same thought.

What do you want to hear? I was 100lbs at 5'6" when i got married and now I'm 200lbs. Two kids, rear ended by drunk driver, developed type 2 diabetes, life happens.

I’d take an ugly face with a pretty kind heart any day over the reverse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes there is just something about someone that attracts a mate.
Humor, quirks, goals, compatibility, etc.

Even people considered "ugly" can be quite "attractive", such as Vin Diesel for example. Not that good looking at all, sloping forehead, big nose, droopy face, but he has something about him that makes him hot.

Yeah, he’s insanely fit (and rich.)

"Insanely fit" isn't the automatic turn-on so many people seem to think. It usually indicates a level of superficiality and narcissism, neither of which are attractive qualities. There's "taking care of yourself" and there's "obsessive about looks". The latter is red flag and a turn off.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes there is just something about someone that attracts a mate.
Humor, quirks, goals, compatibility, etc.

Even people considered "ugly" can be quite "attractive", such as Vin Diesel for example. Not that good looking at all, sloping forehead, big nose, droopy face, but he has something about him that makes him hot.

Yeah, he’s insanely fit (and rich.)

They settle as dating & mating can be frustrating & exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:People marry for many reasons but generally they stay in their own lane.

This. Pretty much every couple I know is evenly matched within 1-2 slots on a crude 1-10 scale. People like to focus on the outliers, but that's exactly what they are.

Most attractive people “with great wealth involved” are awful to be around. That probably has something to do with it.