Anonymous wrote:Absurd response by your DS. I am sure that did not come from him. but your future DIL. Yikes. Ask your hotel concierge for suggestions or book it onsite. no way would I leave to chance feeding 65 people Are all of them in the rehearsal?

Anonymous wrote:OP - you need to decide what type of mother in law you're going to be. You are clearly not happy about this wedding. If I were you, I would invite my son's fiance to lunch or dinner and ask about the planning - GET INVOLVED. Be excited, ask about her memories vacationing at the location. I would develop a relationship with her directly because she will be family. 99% of the time the woman maintains family connections, not the man. Your son will likely never purchase you a gift or card again. He won't plan christmas with the grandkids. You don't want to be the woman who gets all huffy about your daughter in law being celebrated on Mother's Day when she's a young mom. You want to be the woman who says - "You and Susie have little ones - of course Mother's Day is about her now!! I'll see you all next week for lunch. I'm so happy you're making sure Susie has a day to be pampered!"

Your response here should be - "I've called a few places and read about XYZ online. What a beautiful location! Here are a few options that I found and would love your opinion before taking the next step. I'll see you for lunch tomorrow, Susie and we can hopefully chat about it then!"

If you don't live in the same town as them, start calling her just to chat, or make an overnight visit, etc. That effort likely pales in comparison to what the bride's family is doing.

I guarantee that this will work.

Anonymous wrote:They gave you a suggestion. You didn’t want it. That’s okay, but you can’t commandeer the wedding planner to give you more choices. You already declined the advice.

They are the ones who are local, and they suggested this place. Have you called the restaurant? Said hey I want to bring 65 people on X date? Did they say “walk in and we’ll have no problems?” Or something else?

Your son might have been nicer about how he gave you the answer about the planner, but you sound like the martyr type who is going to get cut out. My MIL is like this. She is constantly in a tiff with my DH about this or that and honestly, I’m not close with her so I just stay out of it. No one is ever going to be offended on your behalf about this stuff.

Chances are good your future DIL said something like “oooo, idk, she’s only contracted for Saturday. Did your mom say anything about Suggestion A? It’s kind of the only place in town” And your son wrote the email that made you “sad.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absurd response by your DS. I am sure that did not come from him. but your future DIL. Yikes. Ask your hotel concierge for suggestions or book it onsite. no way would I leave to chance feeding 65 people Are all of them in the rehearsal?

OP here, it made me so sad to see his response.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to make the bride and groom do this. Call around the location and see what's there. Call the hotel even and ask.

Come up with some ideas first and then talk to the bride and groom.

My inlaws did make me plan the rehearsal dinner and they paid months after the wedding. I truly had no time to plan yet another event, and no money so it wasn't a great situation. It's not normally something the bride and groom have to plan.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being harsh on OP too. If this is a family vacation spot for the bride, her son could have easily asked his fiancé or his future in-laws for favorite spots that could be options for a rehearsal dinner. His family could have taken it from there and done the work. They are being more than generous offering to include every guest. If they’re using a wedding planner, he likely has very few tasks associated with the wedding itself.

Maybe he misunderstood and thought his mom was trying to use the planner for free but at minimum he could have asked the planner if his mom could also hire her for suggestions since she’s unfamiliar with the area.

But why can't the MOM ask the bride's parents? This doesn't need a middle man.

Nope, the mom just wanted to say she was sad about her son's response.

Anonymous wrote:They gave you a suggestion. You didn’t want it. That’s okay, but you can’t commandeer the wedding planner to give you more choices. You already declined the advice.

They are the ones who are local, and they suggested this place. Have you called the restaurant? Said hey I want to bring 65 people on X date? Did they say “walk in and we’ll have no problems?” Or something else?

Your son might have been nicer about how he gave you the answer about the planner, but you sound like the martyr type who is going to get cut out. My MIL is like this. She is constantly in a tiff with my DH about this or that and honestly, I’m not close with her so I just stay out of it. No one is ever going to be offended on your behalf about this stuff.

Chances are good your future DIL said something like “oooo, idk, she’s only contracted for Saturday. Did your mom say anything about Suggestion A? It’s kind of the only place in town” And your son wrote the email that made you “sad.”

Anonymous wrote:As someone who just got married last year, it is a bit odd to me how much folks are chiming in that YOU (MOG) should pick the venue and do the research. I think that your DS told you the venue he wants, something got lost in translation, and he responded unkindly because he perceived that you were rejecting the venue.

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being harsh on OP too. If this is a family vacation spot for the bride, her son could have easily asked his fiancé or his future in-laws for favorite spots that could be options for a rehearsal dinner. His family could have taken it from there and done the work. They are being more than generous offering to include every guest. If they’re using a wedding planner, he likely has very few tasks associated with the wedding itself.

Maybe he misunderstood and thought his mom was trying to use the planner for free but at minimum he could have asked the planner if his mom could also hire her for suggestions since she’s unfamiliar with the area.