Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their dad gets more credit than me. He’s a great model of a caring yet masculine man who is very family oriented, cooks, cleans, and obviously cares deeply about them/me.

Other than that, I make a point not to nag but make pretty clear that they’re members of our family and need to pull their weight. I’ll tell them I have a big proposal for work and really could use their help walking the dog, doing some prep for dinner, etc and then give a lot of positive feedback when they step up. I catch them doing simple things and thank them for them - keeping it light. Yesterday my fifteen year old came upstairs to say goodbye to me before leaving for school and I gave him a big smile and said “aww, thanks for that! Let me know if I can make you a smoothie when you get home.” I’ll also call them out for being dicks though “hey, I know you had a hard week at school but dad and I have been been juggling work to make money so you can do xyz, and waking up early so we can leave in time to drive you to practice, and then I come home to your mess all over the kitchen? That makes me really really angry. I know you’re more thoughtful than that. How can you make this better?”

And outside of all that, I try to express interest in the things they care about and be understanding rather than judgmental so they don’t feel like I’m on their case all the time and are more likely to consider my opinion.

I have two teen sons who are quite lovely people.

When you react to a regular-ol' “good-bye” with exaggerated praise (aww, thanks for that!) and immediately offer a treat in return, it shifts the whole exchange from normal family courtesy to a transaction that revolves around the parent’s feelings. It tells the teen that even basic politeness is a special favor that fills Mom’s emotional tank, casting the child as caretaker of your self-esteem rather than the one to be cared for. By treating a simple acknowledgment like a personal gift and attaching a reward (“let me make you a smoothie”), you signal that the your children’s role is to make you feel seen and appreciated, which to me looks self-centered and manipulative.

Anonymous wrote:Most women I know who kept their name did it because all their professional licenses, certifications, achievements were under that name.

Your DH is nuts.

Anonymous wrote:How can parents teach their sons to become good husbands and fathers so they are happy in their lives and so are their spouses and children?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Oh hell no

Your DH is a pos

You are ignorant

No girl wants this utter stupidity.

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Anonymous wrote:-work (boys who grow up with working moms are smarter, happier and more equal partners in the future)
-make sure he does chores (no son of mine will expect a woman to do his laundry etc)
-teach him to cook

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

THIS IS THE WACKIEST THING I HAVE READ ON HERE ALL DAY.

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I am really struggling with this.
My high school son didn't acknowledge Mother's Day. I cooked him dinner that day and all he could do was show me some garments he was hoping I could patch the holes of.
My daughter called from college though, unprompted.

The son has also let his impolite friends talk crap about me for, say, reaching out to them to invite their families to graduation dinner.
I got a lot of flak from family members for paving the way for the son and his friends to spend spring break at a family property unaccompanied by adults. And these snarky kids give me crap.
The son also complains about me contacting his college for info on his student visa application so that we can start the application sooner than later so that I can book the plane tickets with confidence that the matricultion won't be botched.
I worry if I continue to be the helpful mom, I am creating an entitled a-hole.
I should just shrug my shoulders and not do anything?

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Anonymous wrote:Make them do chores. Make sure they know how to do all the “female” chores too like cooking, cleaning, sewing, cooking for holidays. (We also do the same with our girls. They can change tires, change oil, fix things. I believe in well rounded people)