Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Sorry, meant to say how I grew up in an overly strict environment. I wasn't allowed to do anything, even in moderation and I felt like the end result was that I did not have a gradual introduction into adolescent life. Was a deep plunge once I went to college.

Yup. I’m not there yet but the kids with the crazy strict parents were the ones who ended up in the hospital getting their stomachs pumped when I was in college.

Not true in my experience. It was the kids who were already partying and expected to kick it up a notch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Sorry, meant to say how I grew up in an overly strict environment. I wasn't allowed to do anything, even in moderation and I felt like the end result was that I did not have a gradual introduction into adolescent life. Was a deep plunge once I went to college.

Yup. I’m not there yet but the kids with the crazy strict parents were the ones who ended up in the hospital getting their stomachs pumped when I was in college.

Anonymous wrote:16 year old DD is usually responsible for her own laundry and room but with APs and exam week, I figured I would help sort her room out before prom weekend. I found bottles that look like regular seltzer but filled with vodka in them and 6-8 mostly empty spiked seltzers in her storage room. I would be less upset if she had friends over recently or a party but she has not. Does this mean she is drinking alone in her room randomly? That is terrifying to me and not sure where to proceed from here. Will clearly talk to her but not sure she will be honest. I can't believe I missed signs if she has a problem. She has numerous leadership roles at school, straight As, and wakes up early to go to school for various commitments. I've had zero indication of a drinking problem. Would appreciate any advice or steps to take other than just talking to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Sorry, meant to say how I grew up in an overly strict environment. I wasn't allowed to do anything, even in moderation and I felt like the end result was that I did not have a gradual introduction into adolescent life. Was a deep plunge once I went to college.

I see this type of mindset all the time. This idea they need to "learn" to drink at home with you to somehow not drink in excess later. The evidence really doesn't support this idea. The earlier kids start drinking the more likely they are to be problematic drinkers later on. Not the other way around.

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20240228-how-alcohol-affects-teens-and-young-adults-brains

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Sorry, meant to say how I grew up in an overly strict environment. I wasn't allowed to do anything, even in moderation and I felt like the end result was that I did not have a gradual introduction into adolescent life. Was a deep plunge once I went to college.

Yup. I’m not there yet but the kids with the crazy strict parents were the ones who ended up in the hospital getting their stomachs pumped when I was in college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Sorry, meant to say how I grew up in an overly strict environment. I wasn't allowed to do anything, even in moderation and I felt like the end result was that I did not have a gradual introduction into adolescent life. Was a deep plunge once I went to college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Sorry, meant to say how I grew up in an overly strict environment. I wasn't allowed to do anything, even in moderation and I felt like the end result was that I did not have a gradual introduction into adolescent life. Was a deep plunge once I went to college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Sorry, meant to say how I grew up in an overly strict environment. I wasn't allowed to do anything, even in moderation and I felt like the end result was that I did not have a gradual introduction into adolescent life. Was a deep plunge once I went to college.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone, I am definitely taking it seriously. I talked to her and she said that she was absolutely not drinking alone and that the cans were left over from when friends and/or boyfriend have been over.

She has not had a large gathering lately but has had individual friends (1-2 at a time) over at different points the past few weekends. We talked about drinking rules and boundaries, health consequences. I'm not going to just accept her word blindly but will continue to monitor room, behavior etc. DH and I will talk about consequences tonight.

Some posters noted that I was blase about her drinking at parties. I think it is a very delicate balance bw completely forbidding something and talking about how to drink responsibly at parties. I'm still figuring out the right equilibrium--I do not want to go the extreme of how my mother grew up. No drinking, no dating, etc bc I felt like I had a tougher time figuring out parameters in college and I lied to my mother about everything.