Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 12:19     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.


Who buys stocks they don't expect to rise or deposit in money market account with 0% interest then complain


Something tells me many of you view an "investment" as getting the money back through a college scholarship. That's a terrible bet. And, unless you're getting a full ride to Stanford and are a student who couldn't get admitted on academic merits, very unlikely to get your ROI with high level travel soccer and trainings being between $10-$20K per year for at least eight years.

The investment is teaching a kid to persevere through adversity so that they don't give up on their marriage the first time their spouse argues over bills. Learn how to deal with a crappy coach, just like the awful boss they will inevitably have at some point. Shake hands with the a-hole team that beat them so that they can find it in their soul to be courteous to the neighbor whose dog repeatedly dumps in their yard. Learn to respect the referees even when they're wrong so that they don't get thrown in jail for punching a cop when pulled over for a speeding ticket when everyone else was going just as fast. Put in the work with training when noone is watching even if it doesn't earn them a starting spot - because very soon someone's son or daughter will get a promotion over them despite being incompetent and dumb - and they'll have to keep showing up to work. Oh, and be a good teammate, so that they don't end up on an anonymous forum criticizing people who they know nothing about.


So you're gonna hover and micromanage them to autonomy and independence.

Got it
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 11:58     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
As far as watching practices goes, I'd rather go for a walk, read a book or go grab a bite to eat than be there at the field staring at my DD running drills.

If they are scrimmaging another team in the club, I may stick around or may not.

My DD has certainly asked questions about things, most team dynamic/politics type stuff. She wouldn't ask me about any sort of soccer question, because frankly, I wouldn't be able to answer! Her skill level passed mine when she was at about U9.

Plus, we have always encouraged her to talk to the coach when she has things to review or needs additional detail on.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 11:49     Subject: Re:Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Calling other players is absurd. If a parent called my kid I would not take it well and they wouldn't be doing that any longer.

Watching practices is different. I enjoy watching my kid play and he often wants my opinion on things. There could even be a situation where the player wants the practices filmed. So if the parent is chill or helpful, then there is no problem watching practices. If the parent is mental and controlling...problem. Stop grouping people together and making rules on general behavior.


Shouldn't he be getting his coach's opinion?


Who says he isn't? Why assume something? My son gets lots of opinions to include his parents when asked.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 09:58     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
These kids will quit when they get to high school and see there is a world outside of soccer.

The most invested parent I know (who was not a jerk, but very focused) moved to a new state for their kid's soccer career. Kid only played through sophomore year and then quit for good.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 09:56     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.


Who buys stocks they don't expect to rise or deposit in money market account with 0% interest then complain


There all sorts of levels of return. College or pro would be equivalent to buying Google or Amazon or Aol back in the day early. We should expect to be getting long term growth stick though which would be playing at the highest level your natural potential allows plus all of the other intangibles that you receive from competitive sports
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 09:52     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.


Who buys stocks they don't expect to rise or deposit in money market account with 0% interest then complain


Something tells me many of you view an "investment" as getting the money back through a college scholarship. That's a terrible bet. And, unless you're getting a full ride to Stanford and are a student who couldn't get admitted on academic merits, very unlikely to get your ROI with high level travel soccer and trainings being between $10-$20K per year for at least eight years.

The investment is teaching a kid to persevere through adversity so that they don't give up on their marriage the first time their spouse argues over bills. Learn how to deal with a crappy coach, just like the awful boss they will inevitably have at some point. Shake hands with the a-hole team that beat them so that they can find it in their soul to be courteous to the neighbor whose dog repeatedly dumps in their yard. Learn to respect the referees even when they're wrong so that they don't get thrown in jail for punching a cop when pulled over for a speeding ticket when everyone else was going just as fast. Put in the work with training when noone is watching even if it doesn't earn them a starting spot - because very soon someone's son or daughter will get a promotion over them despite being incompetent and dumb - and they'll have to keep showing up to work. Oh, and be a good teammate, so that they don't end up on an anonymous forum criticizing people who they know nothing about.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 09:31     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
I walk or read etc. and watch the last 10 if they are scrimmaging. I also pretend like I didn't and let my kid drive the conversation on the way home.

Its fair to want the coaches to be good at their jobs, it is also fair to say that beyond a few markers - like kids standing around too much - that most of us don't know the difference between a great session and an ok one.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 08:49     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.


Who buys stocks they don't expect to rise or deposit in money market account with 0% interest then complain
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 08:13     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 07:57     Subject: Re:Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:Interesting discussion. I watch practice at U11 to evaluate my investment especially at the beginning of the season. I dont engage with coach or child We are paying thousands of dollars. They aren't just at the park playing around. If you dont watch how do you know what type of coach you have. Is he there just texting on his phone or is he teaching? Gamedays don't always reveal much depending on coaching styles Also is the kid just going through the motions or actually engaged. Just asking how was practice and getting a standard 'Good' back isn't enough to determine whether to stick around another year, maybe change clubs or go back to rec. I dont expect DS to go pro or even college. But i do expect decent engaged coaching and a kid that is trying to get better for all the money and time spent.


If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 06:46     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I admittedly used to watch alot of the practices up until U13. I now regret doing so. Particularly after they enter a full pitch, the parents job is to get them there and offer moral support afterwards. Watching the last ten minutes of scrimmage is understandable. But let the kids have their own space. Go for a run. Do work in the car. Grocery shop. Call a friend. Your kid doesn't need you there hovering.


My kids needs me hovering then listening to my critiquing on the drive home
They all love it


Yes mine too. I heard that’s kids favorite part of sports. Going to school all day then to a 2 hour practice and hopping in the car and listening to a parent who likely knows very little about the sport critiquing their every move.

Parents should drop off, go for a walk or call a best friend to catch up. Please let your kid have their sport and their childhood. Different sport, but from experience, I hated having a parent vicariously living through me. No kid wants that.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 04:31     Subject: Re:Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:Interesting discussion. I watch practice at U11 to evaluate my investment especially at the beginning of the season. I dont engage with coach or child We are paying thousands of dollars. They aren't just at the park playing around. If you dont watch how do you know what type of coach you have. Is he there just texting on his phone or is he teaching? Gamedays don't always reveal much depending on coaching styles Also is the kid just going through the motions or actually engaged. Just asking how was practice and getting a standard 'Good' back isn't enough to determine whether to stick around another year, maybe change clubs or go back to rec. I dont expect DS to go pro or even college. But i do expect decent engaged coaching and a kid that is trying to get better for all the money and time spent.


There are a hundred practice sessions in a year. Parts of five practices is enough to gauge most of the above. Also, from the coach's perspective, nobody wants observers analyzing their every move.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 01:03     Subject: Re:Overly Invested Parents
Interesting discussion. I watch practice at U11 to evaluate my investment especially at the beginning of the season. I dont engage with coach or child We are paying thousands of dollars. They aren't just at the park playing around. If you dont watch how do you know what type of coach you have. Is he there just texting on his phone or is he teaching? Gamedays don't always reveal much depending on coaching styles Also is the kid just going through the motions or actually engaged. Just asking how was practice and getting a standard 'Good' back isn't enough to determine whether to stick around another year, maybe change clubs or go back to rec. I dont expect DS to go pro or even college. But i do expect decent engaged coaching and a kid that is trying to get better for all the money and time spent.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2025 16:52     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
Our practice is at 5pm and 40 mins away, could be worse during rush hours traffic to get there or back. I can’t buy grocery everyday and I don’t have errands to do after 5pm most days so I stay and walk, talk to the parents.

Most parents don’t even watch the practice and it’s more of a social hours for parents.

Everyone’s circumstance is different. Just because someone stay doesn’t automatically mean they are “hovering” or just because someone leaves doesn’t mean they don’t care.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2025 10:56     Subject: Overly Invested Parents
Anonymous wrote:I admittedly used to watch alot of the practices up until U13. I now regret doing so. Particularly after they enter a full pitch, the parents job is to get them there and offer moral support afterwards. Watching the last ten minutes of scrimmage is understandable. But let the kids have their own space. Go for a run. Do work in the car. Grocery shop. Call a friend. Your kid doesn't need you there hovering.


This. I enjoy being outdoors and watching my kids play as much as anyone else. But I think it's better for their developing independence to stay away, so I do.