Anonymous
05/15/2025 12:24
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
YOU can't but I can.
I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.
I actually think there are some women who can’t and they assume we are like them. We aren’t.
Just like some men are great parents, cook and are clean.. and people who don’t have that think it’s an outlier.
You can be a parent, that’s just biology, but cannot outsource being a good mother. A good mother does not put their kids in daycare to go to work. You are not the parent at that point, the daycare worker is.
eh.. it takes a village. You do you.
-dp
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:52
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:The thing is, there are always going to be women who appreciate a guy who has traditional gender roles, just as there are men who would be more than happy to be SAHDs. It's good that he voiced his views before you were married. Now you can decide what to do with that info. If that life isn't for you, break up and find someone you click with.
That said, you are basing all this on feelings. Why don't you just communicate better with your boyfriend? You are assuming a lot.
Trevor Noah wrote about this. The traditionalist guys don't go for those women. They prefer to take the independent women and cage them like exotic birds because it's about "winning" for them.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:51
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
YOU can't but I can.
I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.
I actually think there are some women who can’t and they assume we are like them. We aren’t.
Just like some men are great parents, cook and are clean.. and people who don’t have that think it’s an outlier.
You can be a parent, that’s just biology, but cannot outsource being a good mother. A good mother does not put their kids in daycare to go to work. You are not the parent at that point, the daycare worker is.
Yeah, here's the deal, you know some of us had working moms, right? Going to tell you right now, I don't remember daycare as a kid. I do remember stuff I did with my mom. I'm a grown adult and am very close to my mother. I talk to her on the phone every day. So this whole "not a good mom", I had a fantastic mom.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:51
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
Oh look the trolls.
My mom was a fantastic mom who had a career. And one of the things she was fantastic about was teaching her daughters to value themselves.
Something has to give, nobody can do it all. You can also have value without climbing the corporate ladder.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:50
Subject: Differences in gender roles
The thing is, there are always going to be women who appreciate a guy who has traditional gender roles, just as there are men who would be more than happy to be SAHDs. It's good that he voiced his views before you were married. Now you can decide what to do with that info. If that life isn't for you, break up and find someone you click with.
That said, you are basing all this on feelings. Why don't you just communicate better with your boyfriend? You are assuming a lot.
That said, you are basing all this on feelings. Why don't you just communicate better with your boyfriend? You are assuming a lot.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:46
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
YOU can't but I can.
I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.
I actually think there are some women who can’t and they assume we are like them. We aren’t.
Just like some men are great parents, cook and are clean.. and people who don’t have that think it’s an outlier.
You can be a parent, that’s just biology, but cannot outsource being a good mother. A good mother does not put their kids in daycare to go to work. You are not the parent at that point, the daycare worker is.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:41
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
YOU can't but I can.
I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.
I actually think there are some women who can’t and they assume we are like them. We aren’t.
Just like some men are great parents, cook and are clean.. and people who don’t have that think it’s an outlier.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:41
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Dads don't have periods, pregnancy, labor, postpartum, breastfeeding, perimenopause, menopause etc etc. Biology limits our lives.
Those things don’t limit everyone’s life
And like, hey, I pumped breastmilk, then went a did an oral argument, which I won. Having breasts and a baby did not, in fact, mean I couldn't be a lawyer.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:39
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:You know now before you marry him that he has traditional gender role views. This is who he is. You are making a choice to be with someone with those views. If you don't share them, that is a very big difference in how you view the world and in what marriage and parenting would be like. If you decide you ant to be with soneone who doesn't share your views, you can't then be irritated or upset at them for continuing to have those views.
This!!! OMG, I would never have kids with a man who had "traditional gender role views." Yuck!!
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:39
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
Would you say that to a dad? Of course, a woman can have both! If you had one or two children and your spouse was sn equal partner why not?
Women and men are not the same. It’s the woman’s job to mother the children and care for the home. It’s the man’s job to protect and provide.
Absent fathers are a problem. Kids need to be parented by both parents if there are 2 parents.
Men living in home and ignoring their children’s needs is a terrible way to raise kids
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:38
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Dads don't have periods, pregnancy, labor, postpartum, breastfeeding, perimenopause, menopause etc etc. Biology limits our lives.
Those things don’t limit everyone’s life
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:37
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
Would you say that to a dad? Of course, a woman can have both! If you had one or two children and your spouse was sn equal partner why not?
Women and men are not the same. It’s the woman’s job to mother the children and care for the home. It’s the man’s job to protect and provide.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:37
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
YOU can't but I can.
I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.
A little bit of flexibility is so helpful. When my kids were little, I was in banking with a lot of facetime, rear in seat and inflexible hours. It was awful for being the kind of mom I wanted to be. Life is long though and careers ebb and flow. I ended up doing some tax consulting so I still had my foot in the workplace. I think the key is to live below your means.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:37
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants someone to be the mother of his children and you would rather focus on your career. You cannot have it both ways.
He want someone to be his mother.
Anonymous
05/15/2025 11:36
Subject: Differences in gender roles
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.
Would you say that to a dad? Of course, a woman can have both! If you had one or two children and your spouse was sn equal partner why not?
I'm sorry but 90% of women can't have it both. That's not how our biology or this society works.
Then most girls shouldn't go to college, right?
No. We've to. We just can't accept to have it all. We've to manage it well to have a happy life.
You tell yourself that to feel better that you couldn’t do both. The vast majority of people can.