OP here- I wanted to come back and give an update as we just met with psychologist who did full neuropsych testing for my DS. This group was so supportive I hope this update may serve as a support for others that may be facing similar challenges.
It ends up my DS has general anxiety disorder with OCD and the suicidal ideation is more of an intrusive thought than actual plans. He showed no signs of depression, ADHD, ADD and did not qualify for being anywhere on the autism spectrum. His IQ is 130 and he scored off the charts (98-99%) in most areas for verbal, logical, social reasoning and executive functioning. The few areas he scored average in were in the more basic tasks- almost like he was bored or didn’t want to bother with the simple things.
Overall, we have a kid who has been bored in school and probably feels like he doesn’t fit in because he sees things at a different level than his peers—(we don’t live in an area where he can truly be challenged) and has anxiety.
Knowing this information is going to help us get the correct therapy for OCD and anxiety and it will open the door to discuss medication in the future. I will also be meeting with the school to discuss a way to challenge him more.
Thank you to all the posters on here. I was very nervous to go through the testing process but getting answers backed by data has only helped me feel like I can be the parent he needs and help to find the support that is right for him.

So very sorry that you are going through this difficult and scary situation. We have gone through a version of this as well. Is there anything in particular, any connection you've noticed of things that seem to trigger the behavior and self-harm statements? Pressure (real or perceived) at school, things happening with friends, etc?
I feel like there are so many layers to intrusive thoughts. I felt like I had some level of understanding of them in DS in that I could grasp the idea of not being able to stop thinking of something that you aren't "supposed" to think about. Or not being able to stop thinking of something scary.
Our DS's therapist noted to us that kids on the spectrum can often express their inner world in very intense ways. Hopefully the neuropsych eval will be helpful in learning if neurodivergence has a role in this.
There could even be a layer of testing the environment to see how you will react/respond. I don't mean in a manipulative way at all. I mean seeking reassurance, stability, optimism and unconditional love in the face of the storm that the child is feeling inside. And it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of supporting and loving the child through this. It is so hard when you are so unnerved by what you're hearing.

Lastly, I wanted to ask if the child is currently taking any meds or even supplements. I am not against meds at all. Just wanted to mention that some of the meds and even OTC supplements our DS trialed gave him dark, intrusive thoughts.

Sending good wishes and strength to you, OP.

https://www.foragerhealthinitiative.com
Justin Michael Rindner — Forager Health Initiative

Sounds cliche maybe, but it seriously could make a huge difference: Look into nutrient deficiencies and whole food nutrition. I highly recommend this functional medicine doctor I pasted above. He is PA based, but sees people via Zoom as well. He is highly experienced with hormone balance in all the body systems. He's helped dozens of people with thyroid, reproductive health, liver, kidney, nervous, and metabolic systems disorders with just nutrition, posibly supplements, physical exercises, breathwork, and meditation. Problems in any of those areas can negatively affect mental health. I believe he has public testimonies on his website in some place.

I am the PP. I mentioned that you could read my reply or parts of it to your son so he knows that there is someone who could relate to him at his age who wants him to not give up on life. However, he may also feel embarrassed to know that his mom posted about him online. My mom told her friends that I was suicidal (which I get now, she needed advice), but it made me feel embarrassed and broke my trust with her. I became really secretive with my parents in part because of that.

I am a woman and I was suicidal at age 9 and 10. I also had a fear of losing control and stabbing myself with a kitchen knife. My other plan was to hang myself. I just remember feeling like life was too stressful to handle. But I also felt really sad about my fantasies and often cried thinking or talking about them. It's interesting that other people here are mentioning OCD, ASD, and ADHD. I am formally diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar II, but I have traits of OCD and ASD as well, even more so when I was a child.

For me, the causes of my suicidal ideation were a reflection of my mom's (even though I didn't consciously know that she wanted to die too). I was very anxious about lots of things, and that may have been a reflection of my dad, who has always been an anxious person. I am very sensitive to other peoples' moods. The overall vibration and health of my household was low at that time. My parents did not pay much attention to me because they were busy with their jobs and my mom's poor mental health.

I was put on prozac and abilify in 4th grade (abilify was added after a few weeks because prozac didn't help). Those meds made me waaay worse in terms of my suicidality and impulsivity. I tried to run in front of a moving car, banged my head on the wall, and drank out of a toilet. Wellbutrin, lithium, and olanzapine were helpful to me as a teen. I went off of all meds in my early 20s because of kidney and liver problems, but I am stable because I have been addressing my childhood trauma for years and living a healthy lifestyle. I love and respect myself much more than I did growing up. I don't take my life for granted anymore.

One thing that made me not want to kill myself was my mom telling me about how she wanted to have me, and she wanted a daughter. She cried telling me that the day before I was born, she saw me sucking my thumb on an ultrasound. I cried with her and said "that's beautiful." I was taken off the medications and my suicidal thougts became less and less. I went back to my old school the next year and saw my old friends who I had known for longer, and that helped too. (I went back on other medications at 14 because of unresolved depression from this, and I had developed anorexia and bulimia too. I fully recovered around age 20.)

My advice is to, of course, keep looking for good therapy and finding the root cause of these thoughts and feelings. HOWEVER, kids that young (and teens too) need their PARENTS' connection. I felt way more comfortable talking to my parents at that age than a therapist. Check up on how your family dynamic is. Are you doing fun things together and demonstrating lots of love? Is your child left alone a lot or actively involved? Is your child exposed to media telling him that the world is an awful, hopeless place? Eliminate those sources as much as you can. Don't argue or talk about your own stressors with your spouse in front of your child.

Try to give your child ideas of things to look forward to in life. I LOVE my life now. I am married to a wonderful man and living in a beautiful country and working a job that makes me feel super satisfied. I am so glad I didn't kill myself as a kid. I would have missed out on so much. But I didn't dream about what my adult life could be at all when I was suicidal. I also didn't realize how profoundly it would have impacted my friends and family for the rest of their lives. I thought they would be sad for a few weeks and then move on and forget about it. Nope! A child's death is a loss that family members never fully get over. I did not realize that with my state of frontal lobe development at age 9. Make sure your child hears that they are deeply loved and wanted.

Maybe introduce faith or spiritual-based teachings as well. I see my life as a precious gift now and I feel that it would be offensive to God to hurt the body he gave me. And not everyone's body can regenerate (I think of this regarding how I used to cut myself as a teen; some people have blood clotting disorders). I am blessed and priviledged to have a healthy, normal body. I do believe that God has kept me alive for this long for a purpose (I have had several near-death experiences, some of which I'm probably not even aware of). The book of Job has resonated with me lately, especially chapters 5 and 6, although idk if it would be comprehensible to a kid.

Also look into energetic cleaning and clearing in the house if you're open to that. Stuff like burning sage and palo santo with the windows open and praying for a happy and peaceful home. Burn a white, yellow, and/or pink candle with a glass of water next to it. Pray that all negative energy in the home will go into the glass of water as the candle burns, and then dump it down the sink once the candle burns out or when you extinguish it. I know lots of people think this stuff is nutty, but to me, I really do feel a positive difference in the atmosphere. Look up "smudging" if you want more info on the first part of this paragraph.

Please feel free to dm me on instagram @daintyandpainty. (I don't want to post my phone or email publically.) This topic is near and dear to me because of my past experiences, and I really hope that your son will find the light. You can read all or parts of this message to him. Tight hugs, Santana.

Where do you live? Maybe someone can suggest a good provider close to you. Please consider meds. It can be a game changer for kids struggling with intrusive frequent SI. Find a virtual DBT parent group to help. Do not leave your child alone. I'd have him sleep in your room with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP —

1. I am VERY hopeful for your situation: your responses prove to me that you are a balanced personality who is focused on finding resources; your DH and you are working toward each other during this pain/fear; and, of course we ALL suffer the stigma of emotional/mental issues and clearly you are not going to let negative bias keep you from getting help.

2. Twin daughter (emergency placement) always suffered anxiety, bouts of depression, we were always in therapy. Talks of suicide began at about that same age, and as you know it cascades and takes over your entire lives.

3. Trying medication is an art (and maybe) not a science. We began with SSRIs and gotno where. Our genius psychiatrist said bipolar meds, and I was scared as I knew lithium but these next gen drugs are not nearly so intense. That along with an ADD med and child just got into one of the most exclusively application high schools in the District for fine arts.

4. No mention of self harm now for YEARS, and we are trying to get her back into talk therapy but she associates it with the bad ol’ days and still says no.

5. Glass is half full for sure. Other families who did not go through this when their children were tweeners might be assuming that all is well and find themselves in a life threatening crisis — we are battle tested to see the signs.

6. Your love with get you through this . . . Ignore the mean ol’ trolls. Share with others that mental health is a normal part of wellness care and these scary times do not last forever when you acknowledge them.

Meds have terrible side effects. Also, not everyone with a different opinion is a troll.

As someone whose child benefitted from medication, and who wishes I hadn’t allowed myself to be dissuaded for so long by the kind of statement above thus allowing my child to languish in pain for too long, I would say:

Most meds, not just psychiatric meds, have all kinds of side effects. Many side effects are mild, rarer side effects can be more serious. The full possible range of side effects do not happen to each person. Some people may experience no or very few side effects. Some side effects present initially and then subside after a few weeks. Many side effects are manageable by changing the time or method of administration. Patients who experience side effects may be switched to another medication in the same or different class of medications. Patients who experience severe side effects generally can stop a medication - sometimes immediately, sometimes titrating down.

The real problems arise when a person has serious illness and finds a medication that works well but also has significant side effects - imagine a suicidal child whose suicidality and depression go away with a particular medication but who starts to experience significant weight gain. A parent or patient might decide the benefit of not being suicidal is worth the side effect. Or, they might search for a medication that works better.

It is very simplistic, and unhelpful, to say “meds have terrible side effects”. If I had a suicidal child, I would have no hesitation about trying medication, and working through several different medication trials if necessary to find the optimal result.

THANK YOU.

We had similar struggles starting with DD at age 7. It turned out to be autism, ADHD and exceptional giftedness. But the specific diagnoses don’t matter. Maybe, like other posters said, it’s OCD.

The important thing is not to make any assumptions now. Hopefully the assessment in June is going to be a full neuropsych. They should be able to tease out what the core issue is.

Also, thank you to all the previous posters, who said not to be afraid of medication. We wish we had started earlier.

I’m grateful every day for the amazing resources we have, including medication and better mental health awareness. We aren’t such a better place now.

Please make sure to take care of yourself. Your attitude and energy level are contagious, for better or for worse. I’m glad that you have an equal partner in this. Wish you the best of luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP —

1. I am VERY hopeful for your situation: your responses prove to me that you are a balanced personality who is focused on finding resources; your DH and you are working toward each other during this pain/fear; and, of course we ALL suffer the stigma of emotional/mental issues and clearly you are not going to let negative bias keep you from getting help.

2. Twin daughter (emergency placement) always suffered anxiety, bouts of depression, we were always in therapy. Talks of suicide began at about that same age, and as you know it cascades and takes over your entire lives.

3. Trying medication is an art (and maybe) not a science. We began with SSRIs and gotno where. Our genius psychiatrist said bipolar meds, and I was scared as I knew lithium but these next gen drugs are not nearly so intense. That along with an ADD med and child just got into one of the most exclusively application high schools in the District for fine arts.

4. No mention of self harm now for YEARS, and we are trying to get her back into talk therapy but she associates it with the bad ol’ days and still says no.

5. Glass is half full for sure. Other families who did not go through this when their children were tweeners might be assuming that all is well and find themselves in a life threatening crisis — we are battle tested to see the signs.

6. Your love with get you through this . . . Ignore the mean ol’ trolls. Share with others that mental health is a normal part of wellness care and these scary times do not last forever when you acknowledge them.

Meds have terrible side effects. Also, not everyone with a different opinion is a troll.

As someone whose child benefitted from medication, and who wishes I hadn’t allowed myself to be dissuaded for so long by the kind of statement above thus allowing my child to languish in pain for too long, I would say:

Most meds, not just psychiatric meds, have all kinds of side effects. Many side effects are mild, rarer side effects can be more serious. The full possible range of side effects do not happen to each person. Some people may experience no or very few side effects. Some side effects present initially and then subside after a few weeks. Many side effects are manageable by changing the time or method of administration. Patients who experience side effects may be switched to another medication in the same or different class of medications. Patients who experience severe side effects generally can stop a medication - sometimes immediately, sometimes titrating down.

The real problems arise when a person has serious illness and finds a medication that works well but also has significant side effects - imagine a suicidal child whose suicidality and depression go away with a particular medication but who starts to experience significant weight gain. A parent or patient might decide the benefit of not being suicidal is worth the side effect. Or, they might search for a medication that works better.

It is very simplistic, and unhelpful, to say “meds have terrible side effects”. If I had a suicidal child, I would have no hesitation about trying medication, and working through several different medication trials if necessary to find the optimal result.

You are not alone we went through this with our son aT the same age. DBT-C therapy at Capital YouthServices has been such a game changer. It is unlike typical talk therapy and has saved our family

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP —

1. I am VERY hopeful for your situation: your responses prove to me that you are a balanced personality who is focused on finding resources; your DH and you are working toward each other during this pain/fear; and, of course we ALL suffer the stigma of emotional/mental issues and clearly you are not going to let negative bias keep you from getting help.

2. Twin daughter (emergency placement) always suffered anxiety, bouts of depression, we were always in therapy. Talks of suicide began at about that same age, and as you know it cascades and takes over your entire lives.

3. Trying medication is an art (and maybe) not a science. We began with SSRIs and gotno where. Our genius psychiatrist said bipolar meds, and I was scared as I knew lithium but these next gen drugs are not nearly so intense. That along with an ADD med and child just got into one of the most exclusively application high schools in the District for fine arts.

4. No mention of self harm now for YEARS, and we are trying to get her back into talk therapy but she associates it with the bad ol’ days and still says no.

5. Glass is half full for sure. Other families who did not go through this when their children were tweeners might be assuming that all is well and find themselves in a life threatening crisis — we are battle tested to see the signs.

6. Your love with get you through this . . . Ignore the mean ol’ trolls. Share with others that mental health is a normal part of wellness care and these scary times do not last forever when you acknowledge them.

Meds have terrible side effects. Also, not everyone with a different opinion is a troll.

Suicidal ideation has terrible side effects too.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP —

1. I am VERY hopeful for your situation: your responses prove to me that you are a balanced personality who is focused on finding resources; your DH and you are working toward each other during this pain/fear; and, of course we ALL suffer the stigma of emotional/mental issues and clearly you are not going to let negative bias keep you from getting help.

2. Twin daughter (emergency placement) always suffered anxiety, bouts of depression, we were always in therapy. Talks of suicide began at about that same age, and as you know it cascades and takes over your entire lives.

3. Trying medication is an art (and maybe) not a science. We began with SSRIs and gotno where. Our genius psychiatrist said bipolar meds, and I was scared as I knew lithium but these next gen drugs are not nearly so intense. That along with an ADD med and child just got into one of the most exclusively application high schools in the District for fine arts.

4. No mention of self harm now for YEARS, and we are trying to get her back into talk therapy but she associates it with the bad ol’ days and still says no.

5. Glass is half full for sure. Other families who did not go through this when their children were tweeners might be assuming that all is well and find themselves in a life threatening crisis — we are battle tested to see the signs.

6. Your love with get you through this . . . Ignore the mean ol’ trolls. Share with others that mental health is a normal part of wellness care and these scary times do not last forever when you acknowledge them.

Meds have terrible side effects. Also, not everyone with a different opinion is a troll.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP —

1. I am VERY hopeful for your situation: your responses prove to me that you are a balanced personality who is focused on finding resources; your DH and you are working toward each other during this pain/fear; and, of course we ALL suffer the stigma of emotional/mental issues and clearly you are not going to let negative bias keep you from getting help.

2. Twin daughter (emergency placement) always suffered anxiety, bouts of depression, we were always in therapy. Talks of suicide began at about that same age, and as you know it cascades and takes over your entire lives.

3. Trying medication is an art (and maybe) not a science. We began with SSRIs and gotno where. Our genius psychiatrist said bipolar meds, and I was scared as I knew lithium but these next gen drugs are not nearly so intense. That along with an ADD med and child just got into one of the most exclusively application high schools in the District for fine arts.

4. No mention of self harm now for YEARS, and we are trying to get her back into talk therapy but she associates it with the bad ol’ days and still says no.

5. Glass is half full for sure. Other families who did not go through this when their children were tweeners might be assuming that all is well and find themselves in a life threatening crisis — we are battle tested to see the signs.

6. Your love with get you through this . . . Ignore the mean ol’ trolls. Share with others that mental health is a normal part of wellness care and these scary times do not last forever when you acknowledge them.

Thank you for this post. You sound like a wonderful human and devoted parent. So glad to hear that your daughter is in a better place.

Dear OP —

1. I am VERY hopeful for your situation: your responses prove to me that you are a balanced personality who is focused on finding resources; your DH and you are working toward each other during this pain/fear; and, of course we ALL suffer the stigma of emotional/mental issues and clearly you are not going to let negative bias keep you from getting help.

2. Twin daughter (emergency placement) always suffered anxiety, bouts of depression, we were always in therapy. Talks of suicide began at about that same age, and as you know it cascades and takes over your entire lives.

3. Trying medication is an art (and maybe) not a science. We began with SSRIs and gotno where. Our genius psychiatrist said bipolar meds, and I was scared as I knew lithium but these next gen drugs are not nearly so intense. That along with an ADD med and child just got into one of the most exclusively application high schools in the District for fine arts.

4. No mention of self harm now for YEARS, and we are trying to get her back into talk therapy but she associates it with the bad ol’ days and still says no.

5. Glass is half full for sure. Other families who did not go through this when their children were tweeners might be assuming that all is well and find themselves in a life threatening crisis — we are battle tested to see the signs.

6. Your love with get you through this . . . Ignore the mean ol’ trolls. Share with others that mental health is a normal part of wellness care and these scary times do not last forever when you acknowledge them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your marriage OP? When my child had negative self talk and suicidal ideation it was during the period of time when my ex and I were headed towards divorce and I was deeply unhappy. Hopefully your overall household and family situation is calm and stable.

OP here- Thanks for asking. Luckily marriage is calm and stable. We have actually gotten closer by both going to therapy and getting support on how to help him together so we are on the same page.

As far as the PP who is saying we are feeding his issues--- I am not going to engage--- I know our reality and came on here to feel less alone and find resources for helping my son and our family through a very tough time. So many posters have provided me with what I need in the moment and for that I am grateful.

Now try this with your son. Do not engage. Support by getting him new hobbies, facilitating friendships, increasing skills, spending time with him, etc. Not by perseveration of the issue. Read the literature yourself. You will be grateful later.

Removing family accommodation of OCD, especially suicidal OCD, is a process best done with the guidance of a trained ERP therapist and after considerable psycho- education with both parents and child. Not after some rando on the internet flippantly throws out unhelpful and non-descriptive comments.

Seriously. Come on pp (not this immediate on the one before). I recommended SPACE training and these seem like wonderful parents who will do it once they get their heads around things. This is NOT how it is done and approaching people with such a lack of empathy is cruel. Parents of children with ocd are responding how most of us would if our child struggled with this. Your implications are unwarranted and mean. SPACE can help them be empathic while also limiting accommodation but it needs to be done safely and with a professional.