Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, you guys over-think this. I love my wife very much, however, after the kids were born, she lost total interest in sex. I was in my prime (sexually) and had affairs just for the sex. As I’ve aged and my sex drive has somewhat diminished, I no longer cheat. I’m not a sociopath, or have emotional problems, I just enjoyed sex and my wife was not able to fulfill that need.

You actually are some sort of sociopath, though. You made a vow to your wife and remorselessly cheated on her to get your kicks until you just didn’t feel like it anymore. That isn’t normal behavior, guy. You absolutely have some sort of emotional problem to be able to engage in that behavior without any regret.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of closeted guys truly love their wives but cheat anyway.

Probable happens more often than people think.

Anonymous wrote:I'm someone who had an affair while saying I loved my husband. My AP said he loved his wife. Neither of us wanted to break up our marriages.

But "love" and "in love" are not the same, as a PP said. We had familial love for our spouses. Both of us had been with our spouses since high school. By adulthood, they felt more like a sibling than a romantic interest (even though we were still having sex). In fact, the lack of romance, affection, flirting, despite begging my husband for it for years, is what drew me to my AP. But we both considered ourselves to have happy marriages, in that we got along and were enmeshed with our in-laws and couldn't fathom not having our spouses in our lives. Just like you wouldn't want to cut off your siblings for a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

But ultimately we both divorced and have been with each other for 12 years now.

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, you guys over-think this. I love my wife very much, however, after the kids were born, she lost total interest in sex. I was in my prime (sexually) and had affairs just for the sex. As I’ve aged and my sex drive has somewhat diminished, I no longer cheat. I’m not a sociopath, or have emotional problems, I just enjoyed sex and my wife was not able to fulfill that need.

Anonymous wrote:

I'm someone who had an affair while saying I loved my husband. My AP said he loved his wife. Neither of us wanted to break up our marriages.

But "love" and "in love" are not the same, as a PP said. We had familial love for our spouses. Both of us had been with our spouses since high school. By adulthood, they felt more like a sibling than a romantic interest (even though we were still having sex). In fact, the lack of romance, affection, flirting, despite begging my husband for it for years, is what drew me to my AP. But we both considered ourselves to have happy marriages, in that we got along and were enmeshed with our in-laws and couldn't fathom not having our spouses in our lives. Just like you wouldn't want to cut off your siblings for a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

But ultimately we both divorced and have been with each other for 12 years now.

In other words, your character is far from great and you don’t want to admit it to or about yourself so have rationalized your decisions. Your lack of any remorse or acknowledgement for how your decisions affected others is astounding. I can only imagine your ex’s response to this story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have low self esteem, emotionally immature (though may seem mature intellectually/successful in the workplace) and seek validation outside their marriage.

I was coming here to ask this. It seems the common thread is insecurity by the cheater?

You really can’t have low self esteem since if you did you would fear rejection, you have to be really confident to even try to approach the topic. I am talking about people that meet in person and aren’t online specifically looking for affairs.

I disagree with you. These people often do have low self-esteem so when their self-esteem is stroked and peaked by another person or potential suitor, it gives them a boost of dopamine that’s off the charts. It feels good to them to be needed and wanted. It doesn’t matter if their spouse is already treating them fine at home, it’s that surge of feeling that they like.

Anonymous wrote:There are two ladies in our friend group who hook up on the regular but say they both love their husbands and families. I don’t know, Maybe they never had the chance to explore their sexuality before marriage? It’s an open secret with our friends but their husbands don’t know.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop justifying your bad behavior and get a divorce. You don't love your spouse if you are cheating.

So you’ve never hurt someone you loved? Ever? It happens. People make mad decisions all the time. We’re imperfect. I’m not defending it but this refrain that all cheaters must not love their spouse just ignores that humans make mistakes.

NP. People do accidentally hurt people they love. If you intentionally hurt someone, then you don't love them.

No one "accidentally" cheats.

You only hurt them if they find out…so you rationalize it that as long as they never know, you didn’t hurt them.

Former AP and I are still friends and the one thing is that we will forever have this secret between us, where now there is someone else that knows more about us than our spouses. We are emotionally closer now because we can tell each other everything now that we have this bond of something only the two of us know.

Not as deep as you think it is. Mainly just knowledge of how your moral compass works or doesn't, with a mutual non-aggression pact laid on top. The rest is just sex-based bonding which isn't very unique.

We are best friends at this point because it’s easy knowing we can tell each other anything without judgement.

A great cheating success story!