Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

HUGE red flag that they don't have good financial sense and will just take you for your money.

Either get a Pre-Nup that is ironclad, or avoid those type of women.

Anonymous wrote:Get a prenup. Do not have any any joint credit cards or loans to mess up your credit with hers. Keep finances separate.

This. OP, there are so many things that go into a good marriage. Protect yourself, but don't move on just because of this.

Ehhh.. something you’ll have to think about if you plan on becoming serous with whoever.

Do you want to take that on? Do you mind it being a factor when things come up?

Female here. Liberal arts degree and an MPP. When DH and I started dating I was making $10 an hour at an internship with nearly $150k student loans. He had a solid job at the time and very little debt. 12 years later the loans were paid off years ago and I out earn him by more than $250k.

Moral of the story is don’t underestimate a woman’s ambition and earning potential. Things change relatively fast.

I had a colleague who refused to date guys with student loan debt. She went to a cheap state school for undergrad and our employer paid for her part time law school.

She ended up marrying a divorced guy 15 years her senior. It all worked out, but she was excluding a huge portion of her peers who would be in well paying jobs. Seems kinda dumb, tbh, to exclude lawyers and doctors from your dating pool.

If it’s a turnoff for you .. Move on.
Plenty of adults without school loans or debt for that matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband, who is THE BEST, continued paying off my loans while I became a SAHM. He never once made me feel bad about it. I am still a SAHM many years later and we have accumulated significant wealth.

Not all men want a traditional marriage where the man is the plan. They want a partner who can share in the responsibilities of being adults, which includes financial responsibilities. Women are more than capable of contributing to adult expenses and managing their finances and many aren’t just looking for a husband to house, clothe, feed them, and pay for all their wants and needs.

Being they are capable has nothing to with it. If they don’t need to work why would they? Yes let me go spend a majority of my life working when it doesn’t have a significant impact on quality of life or overall well being.

I (a woman) wouldn't date someone with a huge amount of debt either. Honestly, it seems like a 28 yo man who actually wants to settle down would be a major catch for a lot of women. Keep looking OP.

When I met my fiance she had $156,000 student loans debt. And I hate $160,000 saved to buy a house. A day after she said yes to my proposal I gave her a check to pay off her student loans and we opened joint accounts together. Initially she didn't want me to pay off her loans but I insisted.

The decision was a no brainer. She was the one. I had 3 criteria. She had to have sense of humor to match mine. Second she had to love sex and she loved it even more than me. And finally she had to love me. That last part she event above and beyond. I loved her a lot because she was kind, faithful and very nurturing. And she felt the same about me.

As you can see her student loans were a drop in the bucket as far as investment. We are celebrating our 10th year anniversary next year and the marriage gets better every year and we have 2 beautiful kids together. 2 of my closed friends are divorced. For one my friend he is at fault he neglected his wife. The other his wife turned out to be unfaithful and he is the nicest, kindest, and most attractive man I know. Now single he has many women showing interest in him.

The point I want to make is that fiding the one is hard. I honestly think luck plays a major role as I'll say as far as 50%. So if you meet the one, why throw away your luck because of student loans? Think about that OP.

Anonymous wrote:My husband, who is THE BEST, continued paying off my loans while I became a SAHM. He never once made me feel bad about it. I am still a SAHM many years later and we have accumulated significant wealth.

Not all men want a traditional marriage where the man is the plan. They want a partner who can share in the responsibilities of being adults, which includes financial responsibilities. Women are more than capable of contributing to adult expenses and managing their finances and many aren’t just looking for a husband to house, clothe, feed them, and pay for all their wants and needs.

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

Why do you care about their student loans debt? It is not yours.
Are they hot? Do you want to get laid or not?
This is not a conversation to have when you go on a date. Start that conversation only when you are about to get engaged.

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and I am ready to settled down. I went on dates with 2 different women and they both have very high student loans debt. One is 30 and the other 26. I am not going to generalize based on a sample of 2, but is this common? They both went to graduate school. I just have a bachelor's degree in math and work as an actuary.

I didn't go to graduate school precisely for this reason because I wanted to get on the homeownership and retirement savings ladder quicker. So I went to a an average state college and came out with only $10k in student loans which I paid off my first year of working.

How do people manage this conversation if they come across someone they like but are worried about their student loans?

You asked people on your first dates whether they had student loan debt and if so how much? Yikes.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised this is even an issue. If someone is concerned about a potential partner having student loan debt, then start dating waitresses, hairdressers, and construction workers. However, you could be like my relative who dated a waitress who then decided she wanted to advance in life and he paid for her to attend college and she got a job working in a lab.

Student loan debt isn’t like credit card debit or a car loan for a G Wagon. It’s an investment in yourself and future earning potential.

Apparently you don't know many young attorneys. The amount of student loan debt is often crippling.

Anonymous wrote:You will be single a long time if you avoid women with student loan debt. If you want an ambitious women who can support herself, she's likely to have gone to graduate school.

They're so ambitious they take out enormous loans to secure a low-paying job at a dogsht nonprofit.

My wife and I had been in an exclusive relationship for several months before the subject of student loans came up - but we're in our 40s and maybe things are different these days.

I wouldn't let it worry you too much - if she's good at what she does the loans will turn out to be a worthwhile investment. We both have masters degrees and quickly reached the point where we were making too much income to be able to deduct any student loan interest - at which point we paid them off.