We didn’t start gifting our kids until they were married and succeeding on their own. After they had children we well funded 529 plans for each child. We do annual gifts and we have provided bridge loans when they have bought homes and they pay us back. We have also set up irrevocable trusts. Last year we did provide large cash gifts that required gift tax filing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We gave our only DS our McLean house, worth about 3M, when he got married at the age of 27. We also set aside 1M for their kids future education, and paid off my DIL 80K in student loan (DS was college’s debt free). DW and I live in a two bedrooms condo. YMMV.

What's your net worth? How nice is the 2-bedroom condo? Your example seems extreme, but if it's not a big percentage of your net worth and you're still able to enjoy your retirement, then it sounds great. Also, your DIL scored by marrying into your family!

Probably not that much if they’re being martyrs. This thread is eye-opening.

I more in line with pp on page 1 who said not much, but are always there as a safety net for an emergency. Will give $$ for weddings and will invite them and SOs to travel, and kids will inherit millions.

Same. I martyred myself for my kids for 18 years while raising them and putting them through college debt-free. We plan to enjoy our retirement years. I wouldn't start considering gifting them money unless our net worth was over $10m. They will inherit someday, but it'll be whatever is left after we enjoy retirement and live our final years with dignity that we can afford from our savings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We gave our only DS our McLean house, worth about 3M, when he got married at the age of 27. We also set aside 1M for their kids future education, and paid off my DIL 80K in student loan (DS was college’s debt free). DW and I live in a two bedrooms condo. YMMV.

What's your net worth? How nice is the 2-bedroom condo? Your example seems extreme, but if it's not a big percentage of your net worth and you're still able to enjoy your retirement, then it sounds great. Also, your DIL scored by marrying into your family!

Probably not that much if they’re being martyrs. This thread is eye-opening.

I more in line with pp on page 1 who said not much, but are always there as a safety net for an emergency. Will give $$ for weddings and will invite them and SOs to travel, and kids will inherit millions.

How are you alll funding ROTHs for your children. Isn’t that illegal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Because it's really nobody's business. We help our kids. Our approach is "Die with zero" and we firmly believe that slowly gifting them the $$ now, in their 20s will be much more beneficial than them receiving a windfall in their 50s+ (they will get that as well). As long as they in meaningful to them careers and working hard, we will continue to do so. It's really nobody else's business. Our kids recognize their privilege and don't brag about it. One is 26, and knows that their chain of command must know their parents are rich, because they go on at least one very nice vacation yearly with us. But beyond that nobody knows or needs to know. They know most people have student loans and have to do it themselves.

I know you want to die with zero, but how much do you have as a buffer? I think many people read these boards and start comparing what they can do for their kids to what others are doing at their retirement's cost. Is there a number you are holding on to for retirement and end-of-life care? DH and wouldn't feel comfortable making monetary gifts for our adult children if our net worth fell below $5m, for example. We are helping his parents now through their final years, and we see how expensive it is. It also causes some resentment in our marriage that we can't do more for our kids because his parents were irresponsible - they didn't help him with college or anything after he was 18 years old, and now we're funding their retirement years. The most important gift we can give our kids is not to burden them with the cost of our end-of-life care.

My mom gave me her old car when she bought a new one.

My MIL gave us $5000 to help with our closing costs when we bought our house.

My mom and my MIL will pay for meals and things when we are together or pay for hotels if we are jointly staying somewhere on vacation.

My mom buys excessive gifts for my kids.

We pay rent for our oldest DD (age 26). She's a first year resident in a high COL city who only makes around $60k.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Wait, all of these people don’t “admit it” how do you know this?

Much of my life is funded by the wealth of previous generations. If anyone asked I would readily admit it, but it’s not like I volunteer that information because that is weird if nobody asked.

They’ll brag about their career success and buying a house but if you check records you’ll see their parents as a co-signer on their mortgage.

Yep, have seen that multi times play out in my neighborhood.

i babysit once a week so my daughter can work.

moneywise, nada.

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

+1

Anonymous wrote:People who plan to help with weddings and downpayments, how much are you budgeting per kid?

We are wealthy, so the entire wedding for each (within reason---not funding a 100 person wedding in Hawaii and all the hotels/all expenses for every guest level, but we'd fund the wedding itself and our immediate family costs )

Downpayments, we already gift our kids $38K/year, once they are married their spouse will also get $38K/year, and so on with the kids. That way they should have $200K+ for a downpayment in a few years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Wait, all of these people don’t “admit it” how do you know this?

Much of my life is funded by the wealth of previous generations. If anyone asked I would readily admit it, but it’s not like I volunteer that information because that is weird if nobody asked.

They’ll brag about their career success and buying a house but if you check records you’ll see their parents as a co-signer on their mortgage.

Get a life! You are checking home sales records to find out who co-signed your "friends" loan? You need therapy

Anonymous wrote:As an adult child, my parents:
—funded a ROTH as soon as I had income and through my 20s
—bought me a used car in grad school
—gave me up to the gift limit most years starting in my 30s

The annual amount made a big difference when I was younger, now it’s a nice perk that I stick in my kids’ 529s. The Roth contributions are worth a LOT now.

The Roth is why many parents do it---starting at 18 and maxing out at 7K yearly will be huge when you hit 65. We help with the 401k as well once they start a real job with that. Figure we pay enough in taxes, the kids might as well max their retirement savings, it's truly one of the best gifts you can give.
By time our kids are 30, they could logically barely contribute and still have $2-3M+ at retirement.

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Because it's really nobody's business. We help our kids. Our approach is "Die with zero" and we firmly believe that slowly gifting them the $$ now, in their 20s will be much more beneficial than them receiving a windfall in their 50s+ (they will get that as well). As long as they in meaningful to them careers and working hard, we will continue to do so. It's really nobody else's business. Our kids recognize their privilege and don't brag about it. One is 26, and knows that their chain of command must know their parents are rich, because they go on at least one very nice vacation yearly with us. But beyond that nobody knows or needs to know. They know most people have student loans and have to do it themselves.

We encouraged our kid to live at home after college graduation, both to save/invest money and also so that he wouldn’t feel compelled to take any old job in a not-great market. He has 3.5 years left on our health insurance — seems like this is the time to be positioning himself for the career he actively wants. He’s working deliberately part time at a good-enough career-oriented job he doesn’t hope to do forever, while getting lots of freelance and contract gigs in the field he hopes to break into. We are not charging rent; he is investing. We pay for meals, he for gas, gym, travel, work clothes, entertainment, and all those other extras.

Maybe to some judgy neighbor it looks like failure to launch. I don’t care. It’s actually quite pragmatic.

By contrast I had no financial cushion when I was his age, and could never have lived at home. As a result I took and stayed in jobs in areas for which I had no real interest, while making no investments in the areas for which I had the most aptitude and passion. My “real” career was delayed by decades — which is a different kind of failure to launch.