Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 21:52     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Anonymous wrote:Married 20 years. Plenty of ups and downs, including a separation and some serious medical issues. How are we still together? Good communication, honesty, respect for one another, DH is brilliant and funny and that's a hard combo to find, cleaning lady does the stuff we hate doing ourselves, good spiritual connection, I'm an amazing cook and he would starve without me, we both suck at paperwork and would struggle to get through all the steps needed to divorce, and we're pretty chill about the sex life which ebbs and flows and has included others at times.


I’m curious about the last 5 words of your post…
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 21:48     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Honestly- not having children. You don’t have much to fight about.


Agreed but to me that is a different kind of arrangement. It's like dating.


Wow. I would argue having kids is an arrangement that makes your marriage basically beside the point. You're not a couple, your parents. And if that's the main reason you stay together, I pity you. Truly.

We choose to spend our lives together, not because we have children who depend on us, but because we enjoy each other.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 21:21     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Married 20 years. Plenty of ups and downs, including a separation and some serious medical issues. How are we still together? Good communication, honesty, respect for one another, DH is brilliant and funny and that's a hard combo to find, cleaning lady does the stuff we hate doing ourselves, good spiritual connection, I'm an amazing cook and he would starve without me, we both suck at paperwork and would struggle to get through all the steps needed to divorce, and we're pretty chill about the sex life which ebbs and flows and has included others at times.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 19:57     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Married 23 years and together 30. I would never take for granted that we won’t divorce but I think we both plan and hope to stay married for the long haul. We’ve weathered a lot together, cancer, parental alcoholism and divorces, work stress, pregnancy loss, cross country moves and more.

It’s worked so far because we laugh a lot, our backgrounds and families of origin’s values are similar, we like each other’s friends and relatives, we have similar senses of adventure and values around finances, and we’ve had some very good luck along with the challenges mentioned above.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 18:38     Subject: Re:If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Truly love each other and put each other first because it brings us joy to do so. Similar upbringing, both set of parents still married, stable jobs and finances, shared faith, on the same page about raising kids. Occasional work travel a few times a year reminds us how much the other person does to help and how much we love to be together.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 18:21     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Anonymous wrote:Neither of us is crazy, no substance abuse issues, plenty of money, have established roles, both have good sense of humor, and we have common enemies.


Love this response
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 18:19     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Two decent undemanding people and plenty of moneym


Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 18:19     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Anonymous wrote:My ex would never work on himself to fix problems. Like he would be late to things over 300 times especially with the kids during a marriage. It got old. People would write us nastygrams. He would never put his clothes in a hamper despite trying five different ways to get him to do this. I gave him grace and didn't divorce because of this - instead over his addiction and infidelity - but honestly do not miss it. When people say they give grace to their spouse do they mean allowing problems to go on and on without ever correcting? Women constantly overspending, partying, or not cleaning the house. Men constantly getting laid off, late, or drunk? Where do you draw the line between grace and enabling?


Yeah I would have let those things go and not nagged. My husband is perpetually late. If it’s important me, like church, I drive separately to ensure I get there in time. He also never uses a hamper. It is what it is. His other qualities more than make up for those things. He is an adult. It’s not for me to “correct” him. It’s about respect and knowing your own lane.

I wouldn’t stay with a cheater, at least I don’t think I would.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 18:13     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Very similar upbringing - solid families, parents still together, lower middle class, one sibling, solid college education, etc

Compatibility - we genuinely like each other and enjoy each one’s sense of humor

I also think meeting young helped - we were 21/22 and together ever since. We have kind of melded toward each other over the years.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 18:03     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Neither of us is crazy, no substance abuse issues, plenty of money, have established roles, both have good sense of humor, and we have common enemies.


Ha! my marriage is terrific but I don't have this and would love it.


NP. We don’t call our teenagers the enemy but we definitely make jokes that we have to stay united against the crazy.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 17:22     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Happily married 30 years. My #1 piece of advice is to always assume your partner has good intentions and give them the benefit of the doubt. Also, it's more than okay (meaning, it's important!) to have friendships, activities and interests outside of your primary relationship. Now that we are empty nesters, find that the hobbies and friendships we nurtured along the way are paying off in ways we did not anticipate. For example, we are able to comfortably plan a vacation where we can each do what we like during the day and "meet for dinner" at the end (think we start out at a cafe, then one of us does a big hike while the other goes to a museum or a spa).
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 17:17     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Anonymous wrote:All of the above. Matched sex drives. Not having been sluts before I’m that makes you a bitter person with low level of trust in others.


I screamed 😂
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 17:16     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
We’re low conflict people. We know each other and how the other will react. Grew up together. Grew up in a married family that was also happy. We are best friends and make sure we’re both pulling equal weight.

Another thing that’s totally superficial is that we both try to keep ourselves up. I lost all the baby weight, dh runs and keeps his body muscled and I dress nicely.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 17:11     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Anonymous wrote:Neither of us is crazy, no substance abuse issues, plenty of money, have established roles, both have good sense of humor, and we have common enemies.


Ha! my marriage is terrific but I don't have this and would love it.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2025 16:52     Subject: If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?
Neither of us is crazy, no substance abuse issues, plenty of money, have established roles, both have good sense of humor, and we have common enemies.