Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:nervous that my husband is attracted to my stepmom and neighbor.

Please be kind. I'm not sure if my husband realizes it himself. Between all my female relatives and or friends, my husband seems to gravitate to our neighbor and my stepmom and he is very friendly. When my stepmom visits, my husband and stepmom spend a lot of time together either having long conversations, doing puzzles, etc. The other night my husband put on some music and my stepmom was standing next to him, dancing and drinking wine while he was doing the dishes instead of sitting with my Dad when he was alone in the other room, and my husband was refilling my stepmoms wineglass but didn't offer me any.

On occasion, my stepmom has said some flirty phrases to my husband like "oh you're so bad!" and will interrupt our conversation to say "don't fight or argue" if I'm slightly critical of my husband.

My husband is overly kind to my neighbor and with her kids. Her husband is military and occasionally away. He offers to walk her dog or watch her kids so she can "have a break"; and seems to light up when she's around. I don't think he realizes it.

What hurts the most is my husband is openly critical of me in front of others. He will easily criticize or make comments or make subtle joke at my expense. He does not extend the same kindness towards me as he does to other women in public is we’re hosting or just out and about. We were making dinner last night for my parents and my husband had a particularly large pot of spaghetti that he was draining. He asked me to hold the colander and said he needs to drain “the last bit of water out”; I assumed most of the water had drained and he didn’t need to dump the entire pot. I was holding the colander with one hand when my husband dumped the entire spaghetti and I didn’t have a strong hold and dropped the colander because the water was hot and pouring fast and I felt the heat and water splashing on my wrist and drew my hand back quickly because I felt a burning sensation on my skin.

The spaghetti dropped in the sink. My husband didn’t check in with me to see if I was ok, he just stared at me with a critical look like “why did you do that?”; didn’t offer to recook the spaghetti. I was just embarrassed and hurt that be didn’t seem to care that he almost burned me with hot water and was more angry that half of the noodles got in the sink.

I took a second and pretended I had to go bring the dog inside, when I got inside my husband was cold and whispered to me “you’re very rude.”

He’s just not kind to me at all. I may be overreacting because he shows other women kindness that he doesn’t extend to me at all.

what does "please be kind" mean? People are starting to use that word a lot and I don't get it as a command. I see it make sense in the perfunctuory "oh that was so kind of you" when getting a gift, but beyond that, I don't understand.

Don’t be harsh
Don’t judge
Have empathy
Be understanding

Don't you think telling people to not do these things is insulting? Actually, isn't it just better to assume that people are just speaking their minds, and not being "harsh" or"judging"? And regarding empathy, I guess that and understanding are the same thing--which is pretty much built into online communication in which we are speaking the same languge. You are writing in English, so what you are saying is clear, so assume "understanding" is assumed.

I think OP is telling us she feels sensitive and fragile about this. (Which is understandable, of course).

Everyone's personal situations are personal but only some of us (white women, mothers, etc) have the societal privilege to demand to be babied.

Anonymous wrote:This is guy is a hero. He is ba*ging his wife, her stepmom and the neighbor. That's a man's dream.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a different perspective. I don’t doubt that OP’s husband treats OP poorly.

I’m not sure that the husband necessarily is attracted to the stepmom or neighbor. Are these two people very attractive, more attractive than you? Are you just being insecure about it?

I don’t have a stepmom but we have had attractive women at our house who are my friends or his friend’s wives. Gosh, I hope he would offer them a drink or pour more. That is being a good host. And I would be proud if he offered to help a neighbor with deployed spouse. I would also offer to help. Just because Dh does not treat you well doesn’t necessarily mean be is attracted to these other women.

Whether or not her actually attracted them is irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:I have a different perspective. I don’t doubt that OP’s husband treats OP poorly.

I’m not sure that the husband necessarily is attracted to the stepmom or neighbor. Are these two people very attractive, more attractive than you? Are you just being insecure about it?

I don’t have a stepmom but we have had attractive women at our house who are my friends or his friend’s wives. Gosh, I hope he would offer them a drink or pour more. That is being a good host. And I would be proud if he offered to help a neighbor with deployed spouse. I would also offer to help. Just because Dh does not treat you well doesn’t necessarily mean be is attracted to these other women.

Anonymous wrote:I have a different perspective. I don’t doubt that OP’s husband treats OP poorly.

I’m not sure that the husband necessarily is attracted to the stepmom or neighbor. Are these two people very attractive, more attractive than you? Are you just being insecure about it?

I don’t have a stepmom but we have had attractive women at our house who are my friends or his friend’s wives. Gosh, I hope he would offer them a drink or pour more. That is being a good host. And I would be proud if he offered to help a neighbor with deployed spouse. I would also offer to help. Just because Dh does not treat you well doesn’t necessarily mean be is attracted to these other women.

Anonymous wrote:Holy cow you deserve a nicer husband. The problem is that he has been allowed to believe his behavior is fine, and it truly isn't. The only way to prevent further deterioration of your marriage and maybe repair the damage is counseling but he's not going to want to do it. You can also suggest moving to get some distance from these women but he's not going to want to do that, either.