if you dont want me to come to your wedding, then just say so! lol

my sister is having one. will cost over $20k to fly, get lodging, etc... so, um, no. DH, DS and i will be toasting from afar

just really hurts, i would have loved to have been there

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective - We had a destination wedding in Scotland 10+ years ago. My husband is from there and his parents still lived there - his dad was in a care home so couldn't travel. So if we wanted his dad at the wedding, which we did, it had to be where he was. We had about 70 people attend, and only 8-10 of them lived in the UK; everyone else traveled.

I'll allow that

Anonymous wrote:Why would you take 3 kids to a destination wedding? Just have the adults go. Jfc you can’t blame everyone else for your lack of brain cells.

Where are you leaving the kids then???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective - We had a destination wedding in Scotland 10+ years ago. My husband is from there and his parents still lived there - his dad was in a care home so couldn't travel. So if we wanted his dad at the wedding, which we did, it had to be where he was. We had about 70 people attend, and only 8-10 of them lived in the UK; everyone else traveled.

That’s not a destination wedding. It’s very normal to have a wedding in one spouse’s hometown where their parents still live, or in the place the couple now lives. Somewhere NO ONE lives is a destination wedding.

I think when 75+ percent of people have to travel it's kind of a distinction without much difference.

"destination wedding" usually means that the couple don't have a connection with the location - they're getting married on vacation and want you to come with.

you're right that to the extent we always have to travel for weddings, it can be a distinction without a difference - but i think that there's a lot of judgment about people picking random places and forcing people to spend a lot of moeny and time traveling there, as opposed to getting married someplace where you have a sincere connection and a good reason for making everyone travel there.

I personally don't care about their connection to a place. I care about expense and ease of travel. Can I get a direct and reasonable flight? Will I also have to rent a car and do I have to do a ton of driving or is this an uber/arranged transportation thing? Do I have a choice in accommodations at various price points? All those things make me more likely to go. If a couple from NY and Seattle think it makes sense for them to have their wedding in Nashville, so be it, I'll attend. Easy ask. Conversely, if I have to do a connecting flight from Chicago to Jackson Hole and rent a car to drive 3 hrs to middle of nowhere then stay in the one and only hotel in town that also costs 600 dollars a night but it's someone's home town? I'm out, too difficult and expensive unless it is a VERY close friend. I judge the second more harshly.

Destination or not I think that overall the couple getting married should not expect everyone they invite to attend. People have plans and other constraints. Your wedding day is not their special day.

And while a wedding abroad or even just far enough to require a flight, may no fit the definition of a "destination wedding" the time and financial burden to those who are invited is the same and the couple getting married should be aware that it may be tough for some people they invite to make it. No big deal.

People put too much emphasis on the "big day" and not enough on the days after/actual marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective - We had a destination wedding in Scotland 10+ years ago. My husband is from there and his parents still lived there - his dad was in a care home so couldn't travel. So if we wanted his dad at the wedding, which we did, it had to be where he was. We had about 70 people attend, and only 8-10 of them lived in the UK; everyone else traveled.

That’s not a destination wedding. It’s very normal to have a wedding in one spouse’s hometown where their parents still live, or in the place the couple now lives. Somewhere NO ONE lives is a destination wedding.

I think when 75+ percent of people have to travel it's kind of a distinction without much difference.

"destination wedding" usually means that the couple don't have a connection with the location - they're getting married on vacation and want you to come with.

you're right that to the extent we always have to travel for weddings, it can be a distinction without a difference - but i think that there's a lot of judgment about people picking random places and forcing people to spend a lot of moeny and time traveling there, as opposed to getting married someplace where you have a sincere connection and a good reason for making everyone travel there.

Why would you take 3 kids to a destination wedding? Just have the adults go. Jfc you can’t blame everyone else for your lack of brain cells.

Tepidly fun and quite memorable in my 20s, but I really scrimped to go to them. It was always wealthy friends throwing them on their parents' dime.

Enjoyable in my 30s when I had my own money, but not as memorable as destination weddings in my 20s when I had a lot more energy and just did lots of crazy sh#t.

Impossible in my 40s when I have two small kids and more money than I can spend.

Selfish and self centered. I felt this way when I was 22 and single and I still feel this way 45 and married (and high income.) Don't tell me where and when to spend my PTO and my travel budget.

I do not count "the bride is from Wisconsin so the wedding is there" as a "destination wedding." Those types are just the way it often is in this world we live in where young adults move away from family for school and jobs.

I think it depends. Some people use it essentially as a micro wedding. Just close friends and family. It’s also cheaper in some cases if you go to the Caribbean or Cancun rather than having a wedding in the United States. Some also do no gifts and no big bachelorette parties or bridal showers to cut the costs for guests. That is my experience with them. I think expecting a ton of people to go to Europe or to go an expensive destination and spend a ton on gifts is excessive. In general the big huge mega weddings are on the way out and a lot of the younger crowd are eloping or going small if they don’t have family money.

With 3 kids, there is about a 10% chance I'd go unless it was my sibling.

I think they are fine if the couple truly does not expect everyone or even anyone they invite to attend and won't hold it against those who say no. I also think it is 100% ok for anyone invited, including immediate family, to decline. Those who plan destination wedding need to understand that it can be a huge financial and time burden for guests

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective - We had a destination wedding in Scotland 10+ years ago. My husband is from there and his parents still lived there - his dad was in a care home so couldn't travel. So if we wanted his dad at the wedding, which we did, it had to be where he was. We had about 70 people attend, and only 8-10 of them lived in the UK; everyone else traveled.

That’s not a destination wedding. It’s very normal to have a wedding in one spouse’s hometown where their parents still live, or in the place the couple now lives. Somewhere NO ONE lives is a destination wedding.

I think when 75+ percent of people have to travel it's kind of a distinction without much difference.

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different perspective - We had a destination wedding in Scotland 10+ years ago. My husband is from there and his parents still lived there - his dad was in a care home so couldn't travel. So if we wanted his dad at the wedding, which we did, it had to be where he was. We had about 70 people attend, and only 8-10 of them lived in the UK; everyone else traveled.

That’s not a destination wedding. It’s very normal to have a wedding in one spouse’s hometown where their parents still live, or in the place the couple now lives. Somewhere NO ONE lives is a destination wedding.

Love them.

You don't have to go.

People need to quit whining.