Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but I find this highly disturbing and not age appropriate. I would take her to the doctor. I am a middle school teacher (6th grade specially) and if she pees on herself at school, I would expect her to be suicidal after the incident. The students will tear her apart. I am not condoning it by any means but these kids will not let it go.

“…expect her to be suicidal…”
Really? A psychological blow for sure, but to this degree? I’ve witnessed college women who have wet their pants after a frat party and moved on from it.

That's a fact! Heck, I peed myself on the metro the other day, and I'm a grandma! Not suicidal!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't see anyone mention fighting and hate speech graffiti of all kinds in the bathrooms. They are not safe and many teachers won't let kids go during class, plus sometimes there isn't enough time between classes. Plus sometimes they are closed because the school can't/won't deal with it.

I've always told my kid to ask as a curtesy but to go anyway if the teacher says no.

sometimes they have to wait a few minutes till their friends come back from the bathroom. At least our middle school policy is one at a time. Tell your friend to come back and then they can go. After 10 minutes I will let them go, but the other kid will get in trouble if they don't have a good excuase on why they were out for so long, it happens more than once.

Please tell me what consequences these kids face because I sure haven’t seen any.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't see anyone mention fighting and hate speech graffiti of all kinds in the bathrooms. They are not safe and many teachers won't let kids go during class, plus sometimes there isn't enough time between classes. Plus sometimes they are closed because the school can't/won't deal with it.

I've always told my kid to ask as a curtesy but to go anyway if the teacher says no.

sometimes they have to wait a few minutes till their friends come back from the bathroom. At least our middle school policy is one at a time. Tell your friend to come back and then they can go. After 10 minutes I will let them go, but the other kid will get in trouble if they don't have a good excuase on why they were out for so long, it happens more than once.

That girl needs to get her sh*t together!

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but I find this highly disturbing and not age appropriate. I would take her to the doctor. I am a middle school teacher (6th grade specially) and if she pees on herself at school, I would expect her to be suicidal after the incident. The students will tear her apart. I am not condoning it by any means but these kids will not let it go.

“…expect her to be suicidal…”
Really? A psychological blow for sure, but to this degree? I’ve witnessed college women who have wet their pants after a frat party and moved on from it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this issue with DS for a while. We did our own CBT by making it a point to use the public bathroom whenever we were out and about, no matter if they were gross or had super loud flushes. He still is reluctant to go in public places, but Will and school is no longer an issue.

Maybe start by reaching out to the nurse or guidance counselor, because often they have their own restrooms which she could use and they are generally quiet and clean. You could also tell her to use the bathroom shortly before lunch or just before school is out when other kids are less likely to be using it too. Eventually she will come around. Good luck!

That’s not CBT. That’s just teaching your kid not to be a p***y.

Don’t listen to potty mouth trying to give potty advice. CBT and exposure therapy are effective ways to address anxiety and avoidant behaviors. Use public restrooms wherever and whenever you can to normalize these situations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't she in therapy?

She doesn’t need therapy. I’m the PP who posted about being an adult and not using public bathrooms. She was just unfortunate. Tell her not to drink water in the afternoon that will help. I can count the number of times I used the bathroom at school.

Yeah, I read your post and thought you need therapy, too. This is not healthy.

Anonymous wrote:I’m despairing and just don’t know what to do!

My daughter is just 11, in 5th, and absolutely hates using the bathroom in school. She always has, but when younger would go if she was desperate. Now she just holds on all day, making a mad dash when she gets home, successfully until today.

Well her luck has run out, and today she peed her pants on the bus home! She’s devastated, won’t speak to me about it and has just shut herself away in her room. Part of me thinks well maybe it’s the kick up the butt she needs to start going when she needs to, but at the same time I’m worried she’s going to be bullied now because of what’s happened.

It’s so frustrating because in all other respects she’s mature, well adjusted and a happy and popular girl, but this has been going on too long and I just know that having an accident so publicly will absolutely crush her. She’s 21 for pity’s sake, she’s not peed her pants for at least 6 years! Argh, help!

Poor kiddo. It’s possible that someone barged into her bathroom stall or looked under and now she is worried to use school bathroom. Perhaps talk to the teacher/administrator and allow her use the teacher bathrooms until she feels ok again. Another solution- let her go during class time, so she doesn’t encounter other kids - again, talk to the teacher, so they are discreet and private about it and let her go without any questions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is full of weirdos. Yes, public bathrooms are gross but avoiding them is ridiculous.

That's not being a weirdo.

When you refuse to use bathrooms in public and then per your pants because of it, yes, that’s weird.

Agree. Sometimes you have to use gross school bathrooms, or even disgusting gas station bathrooms or porta potties, or go on the woods. Just deal. I’ve been in some bathrooms outside of the US that would make any middle school bathroom look like The Plaza. But under no circumstance do you pee your pants. Lesson learned for your kid.

My neighbor's dd has it in her 504 (IEP? idk) that she's allowed to use the restroom in the nurse's office. She goes before lunch each day.

My DD went through a phase in MS where she was refusing to use the restroom. This was in 6th before she started her period. I told her when she started, she'd HAVE to use the school restrooms no matter what. I kept asking and asking and finally got it out of her that the school toilet handles were always wet when she touched them to flush. It grossed her out and upset her because most of the time the bathroom was either out of soap or paper towels or both. She said she didn't feel clean after washing her hands when there was no soap or towels, so she'd then also avoid eating lunch those days if she couldn't eat what I packed her without touching the food.

We did therapy but the CBT therapist concluded it was a quirk not an issue like OCD.

What helped my DD was teaching her the foot flush. I also bought these little hand soap sheets that come in a box the size of dental floss and I got her a tiny travel towel that folds up into a tiny square the size of a pack of gum.

The problem came back in 9th grade but that time it was related to all the kids vaping & smoking in the bathrooms. She was afraid she'd be using the bathroom while someone was in there vaping/smoking, and she'd get inadvertently busted by a teacher. I guess teachers would barge in and round up everyone in the bathroom when they smelled a vape or smoke or during common times like before/after lunch. I went to the principal about this one and he agreed that a blanket rounding-up tactic wasn't fair or efficient. He claimed to not know that that was going on. I find that hard to believe. But anyway, he said a change would be made and then a week or so later he sent me an email of the notice that was given to teachers that blanket roundups couldn't be done and only students that they visualized using a vape could be sent to their appropriate Dean.