Anonymous wrote:OP here - just wanted to share some good news. DS failed a class last semester, appealed, was rejected, got a mental breakdown, took off a semester to get well. He sent another email to the prof a couple of months ago (I didn't know), but he never checked his email again for whatever reason I don't know. Today he requested a transcript from the school to apply for an internship, and found the professor changed the grade from F to C! He seems much relieved but is still not happy, probably because of his ADHD brain he is always a perfectionist, but it's so much better than an F. All this time he didn't have to suffer and worry. Thanks anyway to everyone here for your input. I'll definitely encourage him to communicate better with his professors and advisors going forward.

That's nice but OMG never checked his email again...for months?
This bodes poorly for future without some planning and checklists.
And ffs thank the professor.

The Deans frown on parents calling. Your DS should seek his own advice in college. Have him get with his academic advisor for advice. Butt out of it Mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Prestigious” college just don’t give out F’s. Gotta try real hard not to pass.

Truth. Zero Fs happen at either of my kid's ivies and they also were not given ever at my non-ivy elite 26 years ago. D's were rare then but are almost unheard of now. Even C's are for less than 1/4 now, instead of about 40% of the physics or chem curve in the 90s. These days even the hardest classes "below average" is a huge pile of B- and barely under the average can be B. If a student is in the below-C range they are given the option to withdraw-pass, even after the deadline, by professors. It would take something egregious to get a an official D on the transcript.

How do you know what is happening at dozens of colleges? No, professors at top universities do not care if a kid is failing and will not proactively encourage anything. You have no idea what you're talking about. But you didn't attend an Ivy, so I guess that explains it.

DP.
I attended an ivy and one of my kids is at one and another at WM. Read the professor comments too. Failing does not happen now or “back in the day” without the student ignoring repeated advice and feedback, and D’s are very rare. The Dean of students has verbalized this at one of my kids’ schools.

OP. Well, glad to hear that all worked out.

My DS who is in his 2nd semester at a local state school just told us he withdrew from 3 of his 5 classes this semester on the last day to do so without sign-off from professors and registrar.

He did reasonably well in his first semester, away, but never seemed to get off on the right foot this semester. Spouse is so angry that they refuse to talk to him, so I am trying to navigate the way through this with him. He has ADHD, knows that they need help, but refuses to ask for despite it be readily available.

We asked him to come home for Easter (only 1.5 hour drive) so we can talk through things and figure out next steps together.

OP here - just wanted to share some good news. DS failed a class last semester, appealed, was rejected, got a mental breakdown, took off a semester to get well. He sent another email to the prof a couple of months ago (I didn't know), but he never checked his email again for whatever reason I don't know. Today he requested a transcript from the school to apply for an internship, and found the professor changed the grade from F to C! He seems much relieved but is still not happy, probably because of his ADHD brain he is always a perfectionist, but it's so much better than an F. All this time he didn't have to suffer and worry. Thanks anyway to everyone here for your input. I'll definitely encourage him to communicate better with his professors and advisors going forward.

My spouse actually failed out of our university (top ten engineering school) and then took some community college courses and got back in and graduated with some top prizes and completed a PhD. He said the experience ended up being valuable because it changed both how he studied and how he approached school. Being really smart in high school sometimes results in someone who hasn't learned how to put the work in the really tough classes.

Basically, it doesn't have to be the end. You can have setbacks and recover.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for your advice. He wasn’t functioning and failed to turn in assignments, and he wasn’t aware of his mental health issue until he had a breakdown and was admitted in hospital. He is taking time off from school now, getting treatment and volunteering in animal shelters, both have been going very well, but I know he worries about his GPA as he is aiming for vet school. Normally he would approach his dean and discuss his options, but mentally he’s not ready yet. Hence I am asking here to get some info before I talk to the dean on his behalf. I’ll support him for any career decisions but honestly I’d hate to see him give up on his dream.

Professor here. He needs to met with the accomodations office and perhaps someone in the dean's office (assistant dean? student success? department chair?) to loop them in. Professors want to help, but we don't know what we don't know and we can't make certain accomodations without paperwork. Sounds like he would qualify for some grace in the future since he can have a doctor document medical needs for breaks and extra time? Worth asking about. He might also need some times off of a close to home setting. I say this as a professor who has seen this over and over. Also, you can't really talk to the dean on his behalf, FERPA and all. That's really frowned upon in college settings (generally we do not talk to parents unless the student is medically incapacitated) and if he's not ready to talk to them himself, I would kindly suggest he sit out for a bit. No shame in that. People need what they need.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Prestigious” college just don’t give out F’s. Gotta try real hard not to pass.

Truth. Zero Fs happen at either of my kid's ivies and they also were not given ever at my non-ivy elite 26 years ago. D's were rare then but are almost unheard of now. Even C's are for less than 1/4 now, instead of about 40% of the physics or chem curve in the 90s. These days even the hardest classes "below average" is a huge pile of B- and barely under the average can be B. If a student is in the below-C range they are given the option to withdraw-pass, even after the deadline, by professors. It would take something egregious to get a an official D on the transcript.

How do you know what is happening at dozens of colleges? No, professors at top universities do not care if a kid is failing and will not proactively encourage anything. You have no idea what you're talking about. But you didn't attend an Ivy, so I guess that explains it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Prestigious” college just don’t give out F’s. Gotta try real hard not to pass.

Not true. OP: My kid failed a class at a "prestigious" school as well. It was far more stressful than I anticipated, as it this school, it means automatic probation, so he had to get better than a 2.0 the next semester. Of course, that had never been a problem, but when that stress is on top of you now, it just feels awful. At his school, the only option is to retake, then they average the two grades together into the GPA. Though the F always shows on the transcript. I hate to say it, but it's following him into his job search as he approaches graduation. I have no advice for you, only commiseration. Sorry!

Because he would have been 1000% better off to take a W. That's part of managing college, to know when to take a W if you just won't get at least a C/C- in a course. It happens to smart kids who are actually trying hard as well. But if you are lazy, you miss the W time frame and it follows you everywhere

This is such a rude response. Believe me, as a parent, I wish I had known what was happening, but his neurodivergence (not stupidity or laziness--he's objectively more intelligent than 99% of anyone he or you will ever meet), just prevented him from making good decisions--including asking for help when it's needed. This was the lesson he needed. He's graduating next month with a very much less than stellar GPA and a pretty decent job in finance. Thanks for the commentary though--so helpful.

OP take care of your child first who care about Vet school.

When your child is ready they are an adult and it is their responsibility to figure this out not you.
They want to be a vet that requires doing just that.

I truly hope they get help and are on the mend but Vet school is not a great idea for a student with depression.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professor here. Is this from a previous semester or is there time to contact the professor and potentially negotiate conditions for an incomplete if you explain the hospitalization?

+++ this is what should be happening

+2

I'm a professor too. In this kind of situation, I'd either encourage a late W (which would require the assent of the dean to get through the registrar) or allow the student to take an incomplete. With an incomplete, the student could resit any tests the following semester or year and I could update the grade accordingly. At my current school, professors have that power and incomplete grades change to F after one year. Other schools have different regulations.

Anonymous wrote:Professor here. Is this from a previous semester or is there time to contact the professor and potentially negotiate conditions for an incomplete if you explain the hospitalization?

+++ this is what should be happening

Anonymous wrote:“Prestigious” college just don’t give out F’s. Gotta try real hard not to pass.

Truth. Zero Fs happen at either of my kid's ivies and they also were not given ever at my non-ivy elite 26 years ago. D's were rare then but are almost unheard of now. Even C's are for less than 1/4 now, instead of about 40% of the physics or chem curve in the 90s. These days even the hardest classes "below average" is a huge pile of B- and barely under the average can be B. If a student is in the below-C range they are given the option to withdraw-pass, even after the deadline, by professors. It would take something egregious to get a an official D on the transcript.

I didn’t have mental health issues and failed a course in college. I also got a D and C that semester. This was before online grades and my parents had no idea until I was home for break and put on academic probation. I just wasn’t going to class and doing my work because I thought I’d do fine by showing up for the tests.

Ultimately I ended up going part time, working full time for a while, not moving back home but taking some time to figure out what I really wanted to do. I completely switched majors and most importantly, matured. Eventually I went on to get my degree and go to grad school. That semester didn’t hurt my career one bit. I think time and work experience helped a lot.

Just be supportive for your kid right now and say how one F won’t kill any dreams he might have.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for your advice. He wasn’t functioning and failed to turn in assignments, and he wasn’t aware of his mental health issue until he had a breakdown and was admitted in hospital. He is taking time off from school now, getting treatment and volunteering in animal shelters, both have been going very well, but I know he worries about his GPA as he is aiming for vet school. Normally he would approach his dean and discuss his options, but mentally he’s not ready yet. Hence I am asking here to get some info before I talk to the dean on his behalf. I’ll support him for any career decisions but honestly I’d hate to see him give up on his dream.

Given this health situation, get in touch NOW with the advisor/ dean's office and ask, as his parent, for an emergency consultation. He can sign a release that allows you to see / hear about his records. Given the mental health issues, they may be able and willing to extend the withdrawl date so he can get a W for the course instead of an F.

Also, be aware that there's a very high rate of depression for veterinarians. It's a tough career -- people go into it bc they love animals, and then spend much of their professional lives killing animals -- so your DC may want to think about that.